Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I've been on this support group for a few years now and I've learned some important things during that time about what's normal for a person who has been subjected to sexual abuse. I think there are certain ways we react that each person feels is deeply shameful and sick, but in fact are normal under the abnormal circumstances of sexual abuse. So I thought that I'd make a post about these things for the sake of those who are new to this group.
1. Having a sexual response to sexual stimulation is normal and involuntary. It happens to pretty much everyone because that is how our bodies are designed to respond. It does not mean you liked it or wanted it or deserved it. Abusers will often use our involuntary responses against us to make us feel like we are as guilty as they are, or like we are depraved and sick and actually wanted these things to happen. Those are some of the ways they get us to keep their secrets and take on their guilt and shame.
2. Abusers target vulnerable kids. They don't target kids who are bad or oversexed or gay. They go after the ones they believe will not be protected and will not be able to get them in trouble.
3. Boys who are abused do not turn gay. It's totally cool to be gay. But being sexually abused will not make you gay. Abusers target the kids they can get away with it with, not the kids who want it or deserve it. Gay or straight, no kid wants to be raped or abused. No kid can ever deserve to be raped or abused. And if you're not gay, being abused will not make you gay.
4. Having a sexual response to someone who reminds you of your abuser does not mean you're attracted to that person. In my own case, I found that I had a sexual response to men who reminded me of my father, even though my response was much more about fear and shame than about attraction. And I've heard from lots of men who were abused by other men in childhood that they would have a sexual response to other men, even though they were not gay. It feels scary and shameful and confusing to have this kind of response.
If I think of any more points like this I will add them. I think we all believe we are the only one with these issues, and we're not. It was a huge relief to me to find out I was actually normal.
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Middy is off for a bit so if anyone needs a CL please just give me a shoutSending a big hug...xo
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
Thank you
longing2fly2017 - I feel that way too at times - that I'm gross and dirty and I literally scrub myself in the shower and still don't feel clean. It's an awful feeling.
I've experienced the last one too, but my reaction was fear, not desire. It sometimes throws me into a straight up panic attack and it's just so awful.
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that experiences these awful things.
5. It not about you. No matter what the abuser tells you, it's never about you. It's about them. They don't know or care who you really are, they don't know or care about you as a human being, so it's never about YOU. It's all about THEM and what they need to act out, and who's available to act it out on.