Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
This part may be triggering: Weeks ago, I was smacked, hard, across my backside by someone in the community without my expressed consent. He wound his hand up and hit me. I froze, said nothing, and left the room minutes later.
Boy do I wish I would have roundhouse kicked him across his head now.
It was suggested, at first, that I report this incident to the police and file criminal charges. Not long after, that option was basically taken away from me. It happened in a place very involved in and important to a quiet community and they don't want what happened somehow ending up on the news. They're worried about the PR nightmare that may follow if there are criminal proceedings or any sort of hearing.
I thought I was okay with that, I wasn't sure pressing charges would help me heal anyway. I started speaking with this to my therapist, finding ways to take out my anger, and doing things for me. Those are helping but I still feel like crap, the feelings come and go in waves. My body doesn't feel like mine anymore.
What he did to me would be a misdemeanor in the state I live in. He's known for doing similar things that he did to me to other people and saying inapproproate sexual things, but he never faces any consequences. To make it worse, he works as maintenance in a local high school.
I feel stuck. Now I think reporting this will help me, but I don't want to possibly make things worse for the people involved in or work at the place it happened. It's not fair to let one crappy person who is hardly ever around define a group of good people.
How do I navigate this? Has anyone been in a situation like this? I'm torn between protecting people that may not even deserve it if they put me in this position to begin with and reporting it to maybe help with healing. Is it worth moving forward to the police if it's a misdemeanor? Will I only make things harder for myself?
If you are unsure or uncomfortable (as it appears you are), then report it. We as a people have lived with secrets for far too long. People have boundaries, and he obviously crossed yours, and it sounds as if he thinks this kind of thing is acceptable when it is not. You deserve respect and admiration, not shame or guilt. Those that say not to report it due to publicity should be ashamed of themselves, that is about them, not you being violated.
Whether this is a lesser crime or not, is not important as if or not this person has a history of this kind of behavior. Your body is yours, and no one has a right or privilege of touching you without your expressed consent. And if people are asking you to be quiet about it, then I would have to question other behaviors they are covering up for.
Don't be ashamed to protect what is most sacred, and that is you! And don't be afraid to speak out on this.
Brent
I would like to add that I recommend you to make sure you have a good support system when you go through that. You have a therapist, which is good, if you have a friend who can accompany you to the police, that would be helpful too. If you want to, keep posting here. You have my support.
I say Report it so that 1. There can be a log of how scummy this guy is and 2. You may feel more in control of what happens to you and 3. So that if it happens to others, they can be encouraged to speak up as well.
I did not report what happened to me until I heard that the person who assaulted me did it to someone else too.