Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I say involvement rather than abuse, because I never felt abused. I was a willing participant and though I knew it was wrong, it was physically enjoyable and exciting. I was naive and eager to please. That was many years ago, and now I find myself with recurring thoughts about it and a desire to engage in homosexual conduct. I am very conflicted and confused.
Look at sexual addiction and books related will,help you understand the minds programing which yours was at a crucial time where you should be focusing on girls and attractions in that regard. Are you engaging in pornography and fantasy of men etc this all feeds that compulsion. This also would be very helpful to get out in counseling. You need help and you can find relief but not if you keep it a secret. Your wife should know eventually but get help. You may end up engaging in this behavior with men and putting your wife at risk for std's.
Trust me you are not alone not by a long stretch and there is help and support.
From what I learned during therapy: regardless of whether we repress memory of abuse from the past or if we presently have conscious awareness of it: the effects of that abuse still affects our lives in the present - we just may not understand "why" we feel a certain way if we don't remember what caused us to feel that in the first place
Your brain remembers what happened even if you consciously don't remember... you might have fears that don't make sense or desires\habits you cant explain... thru therapy you may discover the root cause of these present conditions - and learn how to control them
I am not familiar with what does or does not cause false memories to form - but I believe you are safe talking to a therapist about the parts you do remember - and take it from there.
You might find the answer to questions you have by looking at your past and "dealing with" or "healing from" what was done to you.
A lot of gay people find this ideal extremely offensive because I'm saying they weren't really born that way but that's what I personally believe. I have a gay brother that I love very much and I support his choice because I know that he has a husband who loves him more than I do.
I know that you consider yourself heterosexual and that's great, I'm a member of that group too. I've read some of the comments. I can't really talk about being sexualy abused by men although 2 black males tried to rape me in a bathroom onece. I got beat to a pulp but prevented them from raping me. I don't like feeling powerless and fear for my life and wellbeing.