Im attracted to women. I married a guy once lasted 3yrs in which i dnt remember my marriage at alll . Refer to post "lost 3yrs of memories" .. i am married to a woman now and couldnt be happier with my dicision to leave him for her. We are trying to get preg. Therapy helps. Just dnt get a christian therapist MOST will tell u, ur thoughts are of "satan". Good luck in ur journey dnt think any less of urself u are normal. I am here for u.

During a part of my life I was really attracted to women and I do think it was because of my trust issues and negative feelings associated with men in general, but even then I picked the "wrong ones".
After therapy things got better, but I still have the same thoughts you have about domination and that sort of things, but they are also accompanied with shame because I know where they come from.
I know that some people are really into s&m and all that without having abuse experiences, I don't know if it's right or wrong, I just can say that with my particular experience as a child, I think I should want to be loved and admired instead of dominated.
I agree with Faith about the christian therapist, if it's anything that involves sexuality you will most likely be consider "dirty". My aunt left an abusive relationship with a drug addict husband that beated the /"&# out of her and her kids and my grandmother (catholic) told her to go to one of those therapists, well, he convinced her to go back with him (you know women in abusive relationships have it already hard to leave and tend to go back with their abuser) because the marriage was done in front of god, so she shouldn't leave just because "it was not perfect".
My thoughts are with you, take care and love yourself.

Yes, you can have those feelings because of abuse you have had. I repressed most of my memories and now middle age I am remembering. I was abused by men and women and tortured and younger and older men. I repressed memories and I did a lot of things I did not understand a feeling I did not understand. I had wanted to do what was right. I am a Christian an born again believer. Growing up I did have thoughts of this. Wondering I think it is a natural feeling of wondering. I believe God wrote what marriage is about a man and a woman. It is natural what it is supposed to be. God Shows us in his creation. I believe the flesh has these feelings and yes people who are abused do have a problem with these and struggle with them. We are all sinners. What was done to us was evil and bad and God does not intend for that to say we are bad for having things done to us. But I believe if we want healing we have to do it Gods way and it is not judgemental or harsh. Which I struggled with thinking even I after I asking the Lord to save me . I struggled with things. I believe the Lord brought me through to my husband who I courted and did not hold hands and did not kiss till I was married. Did not have sex with him either before marriage. . I was glad to be in a relationship that was sweet and romantic and we just got to know each other. It had nothing to do with sex. We got married. He was not a man I would have searched out my self feeling I have to be in a relationship or this is what I am supposed to be or feel. I struggled with things after marriage also. Remembering and triggers and pstd and fibro and hemlipalegic migranes. I still do. Your body does what it is used to and sometimes not by choice and you say . Why am I feeling that way. I am learning why I did a lot of things or felt that way. Don't just conclude something you must be because of those feelings either. I have been married for 13 years and he loves me for who I am and is patient with me and is very supportive. He took two weeks off without pay. they ended up paying him . I have to wonderful children. I think Satan does want you to go a direction, he wants to destroy. God wants to rebuild. I find a lot of help in my King James Bible. I am not telling you what your should do or not do I am saying look for in the Bible I recommend KJV. Your abuse was of Satan and he wants you to feel this way. I am just saying give Gods Word a chance also.

Thanks faith! I really don't know what to make of my feelings. Is it who I am or am I confused or am I just avoiding men?
Mimimoon, I totally relate to the first three lines of your response. I feel like it has something to do with the fact that I've always had a really hard time trusting and being intimate with a man. I have so many negative, angry and disgusting feelings associated with men but I'm also attracted to them. It's like I have this internal battle within myself every time I meet someone and things progress. Nothing ever really works out. I continue to pick the wrong ones too.
I haven't even been to therapy. I have so many issues, I don't even know where to begin.

I think that's how you can begin... looking for a therapist and just say "I have so many issues" :)
Things can get better, but sometimes we need a little help to get there.

This is actually something I've been thinking about for a while, now.
I was abused early in life (I never fully understood what had happened until middle school

The bible is a load of bullshit and I really can't believe people still believe in it.
Sorry, I don't mean to derail your post but it angered me slightly and I think it's bizarre. I have never really thought whether my feelings about gender identity are related to my abuse. I suppose they very well could be, I will never know if I would have felt this way anyway, but I have a feeling I would.

Owlie that is In Your Opinion. Don't knock believers ok. I am a christian and will not force anything on anyone but do not judge what you do not know!

I know about Christianity. That's why I think it's bullshit.

Getting back to the point...

I'm bisexual but I prefer women. I was molested at age 13 by a middle aged man and I would have to say yes, my sexual preferences has changed as a result. The thought of rough sex and domination is a turn on to me too but at the same time I hate myself for wanting that and I feel ashamed. I know others that have been abused also like BDSM stuff etc. It's actually quite common. Some act on their desires, others don't. I know others that are into domination but have fortunately never been abused and they don't understand the shame.
I remember being attracted to other women (girls at school) when I was around age 10 so I know for sure that me liking women has nothing to do with abuse but I think that I prefer women over men because I feel safer with them.
Because our preferences are developed through the many experiences we go through in life there isn't much we can do about them. We can't change our sexual orientation or preferences. They are, what they are. The only thing we can choose is whether we act on them on not. I don't think it's right or wrong for an abuse victim to be turned on by being dominated. Like I said, I am myself ...Although it is ironic.

P.S - Apologies fo writing so much. It's just that I've thought a lot about it over the years and I find it an interesting topic for discussion.

I am so glad you brought this topic up. I was very much into the domination/submission thing for years. I honestly felt that I was born to be a sexual slave. I know better now but still am unable to have a healthy relationship with a man. ( I am a woman). I have been with other women but for me it was more out of curiosity or a few times it was to please a man. I have known a couple of women who said that they had been so badly abused by men that they chose to be with women. I don't think it matters who you are with as long as it is healthy, loving, respectful and happy. My inability to have a healthy relationship is what made me get back into counseling. I can feel emotionally close to someone OR I can have sex with them. Never both at the same time. Most of my sexual fantasies are in many ways a replica of my abuse.
You aren't alone.

Since you brought this up, I am not attracted to anyone masculine. I am a male, but don't see myself as masculine. I also feel a huge amount of shame that all my sexual fantasies are about being abused. I've tried to change it but I can't. I was abused by three males and one female and because of that I am ashamed of my sexual preferences and confused about my sexual identity.

I believe sexual abuse can and does effect orientation...I think we're all born with out basic orientation but life experiences can alter our course
Absolutely sexual abuse influences our sexual preferences I know this for sure as there are a couple of physical characteristic (one pertains to certain type breasts) that relate directly to the abuse and to this day when I encounter someone with the characteristics... it still causes intense arousal and I suspect always will. I used to carry horrible shame because it turned me on the way it did...but I no longer feel ANY shame over it and in fact would be ecstatic if I met someone I truly liked as a person who just happened to possess them..I didn't ask to have that arouse me but it does and just because I know why doesn't alter that fact but I sure as hell don't have to beat myself up and carry shame over it. I don't have to be ashamed of it. It just is.
Please don't judge yourself and NO you're not sick And YES it's likely that it does trace back to what happened to you. Love yourself "as is" ....so right now you have an attraction to older men and your turned on by being dominated. I dk if you've acted upon it but often what arouses us in fantasy doesn't mean it will in reality...it often doesn't. Also, just because these things arouse you right now doesn't mean they always will. As you become more involved in recovery, it very well may change.
But for now I strongly urge you to accept yourself "as is". You have nothing to be ashamed of.. Carrying shame over the effects the abuse had on you, had no responsibility in or control over... is completely unwarranted, is a form of self abuse, slows your recovery and makes it less likely to be able to change the very things you wish to change. Recovery must begin where you are and accepting yourself as is.and btw what you describe is very common. Good luck to you

I have a male friend that is into BDSM, we don't talk much about reasons or anything but we do talk a lot about that, once we were critizicing Fifty shades of grey, I only had to read less than one page to realize it was a terrible book (in our opinion), anyway, he recommended me another one called "Whip smart", is the true story of a young woman who used to be a dominatrix in a dungeon in New York, although the book it's very explicit it doesn't pretend to turn you on, I mention this because although my friend doesn't know about my abuse history, the book show her inner struggle and at the end *spoiler alert* after finally finding a good therapist she realize she doesn't want to be into that, she just wants a normal, healthy relationship and she can actually enjoy and feel fulfilled withouth the need or being a sex slave or slaving her partner and I just found it very encouraging to get better and have healthy fantasies.

I'm glad this topic was brought up, I'm a male and I'm pretty certain I'm straight and only attracted to women. However my current abuse has/is confusing me alot about my sexuality. I seem to be at the moment attracted to anyone who gives me any form of love or attention, whether it be male or female. It's never a sexual attraction when it comes to men but I do feel an emotional attachment to them, depending what there like with me. I guess it's all a little confusing.