Integration and wholeness are my primary goals in therapy, even though my therapist has never talked about them as such. Any person who has been through trauma is likely to have "parts" that split off to manage the trauma and to help them survive the unbearable. These parts remain alive, holding traumatic memories, and become activated when the person is triggered. To me, healing means relieving those parts of their burdens and bringing them up to date about our current life situation so that they are no longer stuck in trauma time, and so that I have conscious awareness and control over my reactions and interactions in my life.

I am reading an excellent book about this topic but it's not light or easy reading. It's by Janina Fisher. I recommend you look at her website if you are interested in this topic. If that's too much for you right now, you can talk to your therapist and gain clarity from her.

I did all my healing working with my inner children and it's very rewarding. The theory behind inner children is that each time we experience trauma a piece of us (our soul if that makes sense) breaks off from the whole and becomes an inner child. This inner child then remains in the trauma so that the rest of us, the whole soul, can move on and live our lives from day to day. In some cases, as it was with me, the inner child has all the memories and I, the whole me, had no memories of any trauma.

Everyone works with their inner children in different ways. Some people can feel them in their bodies, some see them outside their bodies, some can hear them in their mind, and some have a combination of these. I was able to see all my inner children outside my physical body. I could hear them and feel them as well. The goal of working with inner children is to help them heal so they grow up. As you work with your inner children they will share memories and share feelings with you that you may not have felt in a very long time. Or you felt them but didn't know why and your inner children will share the "why" with you. As you help your inner children heal they grow up and then they 'integrate' back with the whole soul.

As far as feeling 'split'....some people can feel they are not whole and others don't feel that way at all. I didn't feel 'split' but I most definitely was split. Working with inner children is very rewarding so I am glad your therapist suggested this work. Hopefully she will not push you in that direction if you are not ready for it but it is, in my experience, a great way to heal.

Thank you, DonnaWanda. I am definitely going to look into the website and her book. I'm ready but feel confused about how to help myself inside; the work the therapist can't really help me reach without my conscious doing. I'm trying and I just keep feeling so confused how to reach my inner child. When I googled intergration and splitting I read about multiple personality disorder, dissociative personality disorders in particular, and I guess the thought of having multiple personalities feels crazy to me because I don't feel like I do and haven't been diagnosed as such.

Thank you, LuckyEmpath. It's very encouraging to read your post. I find it so, so hard to connect with my inner child. I did have one successful experience 2 weeks ago but that was it. I'm thinking maybe I do feel my hurt inner child when I'm trigger. When my 1 year old daughter cries a lot on any particular day, unnotice I get very upset and quiet. I can't manage not being able to comfort her but it's normal toddler moods. I wonder if that's one of the parts of me holding onto the trauma. When I get into that hurt mood, it takes so much to push myself out. I feel like I'm waiting to hear voices of me as a little girl or something so clear it would be easy to understand what's going on but it's not so easy. Any tips on how I can better recognize these parts of myself?

It does take time to find how you work with them and it also takes time for them to trust you and your therapist enough to actually.shpw themselves. So please try to be patient with them and yourself.

The hurt you describe does sound like one of your inner children sharing their hurt with you. When you feel that hurt try to imagine a little you who needs comforting and comfort her. Imagine holding her and telling her that she is now sage and no one will ever hurt her again. As you talk to them, show up for them and comfort them they will share more with you.

If you do hear your inner child talk to you it will be in your mind. A thought will appear that doesn't belong with what is actually going on. So you may be in a store and suddenly you hear in your mind "I'm so scared". You know you are not scared at that moment so trust it was an inner child talking to you. In time you will develop communication with them that works for all of you. I promise.

LuckyEmpath- that was so incredibly helpful. Thank you. I get it... After being terrified of the thought of different parts of me existing and getting over the need for a label- is this multiple personality disorder? If it is what does that mean for me? Am I crazy?- I realized I was just still running away from the trauma... I am slowly learning to figure myself out.

I'm glad what I wrote helped you. Here is a little more info to help calm any worries you have about having multiple personalities.

Wen I first started working with my inner children and learning about them I turned to my therapist and said "So now I'm Sybil?" meaning I had multiple personalities. She explained that the two are very different. Multiples have no idea that there are more personalities that exist within them and each time a personality comes out the personality that is present most of the time has no idea that they were absent from life for a while. It's like the ultimate dissociation. With inner children, the different parts do not take over, they simple exist within us and can communicate with us. The person we are all the time is aware of the inner children, their different personalities and is able to communicate with them and remember it.

Actually LE I am not sure that all that you wrote about multiple personalities is completely accurate, in the sense that some alters or parts may well be aware of others, and people do notice "losing time", which is a big clue that DID is present. Some of our members on this support group do have DID and they are not that different from the rest of us.

Working with my "parts" or "inner children" has been the most rewarding approach to therapy that I have tried yet. They are not something to be afraid of - they are our own self, and although they carry wounds, they also carry strengths and joys that are wonderful to access.

Thank you Lucky Empath. I can relate to what you are saying. It happened to me tonight. I went back to yoga for the first time in many years and it was by candlelight... all a sudden I heard "Mommy" which didn't go with the situation. Slowly I'm gaining memories of all kinds which is so wonderful for me to remember so many good times I had, too.

Thank you for that additional information, DonnaWanda. I'm not scared anymore of hearing DID or a diagnosis because my real fear isn't that, it's the trauma that's behind it. Actually, I have to tell you, Janina Fisher's work has been life changing. I am reading an article she published on structural dissociation and I feel really clear in understanding, which is helping me be more patient with myself and less afraid. Thank you.