good luck! i should try this...

I love this idea, and I will try it too. My favorite exercise when it comes to the negative self talk we all indulge in all too often, is to (try) to stop myself, and ask, would you say these awful things to someone you love? The answer, inevitably, is no, and I then try to remember that I am no less deserving of love and respect than those around me. Then I try to say something positive to myself. It's hard, especially at first, but it is helpful. Thank you for sharing this.

I like this a lot. great post.

rich

Thank you for the feed back. I think it is a good positive exercise. I have a lot of negative chatter. I want it to change for me so badly. I don't like it at all. I don't feel like I am enjoying life at all. It doesn't seem right. I am going to beat this. I'm using my journal here for this project. Feel free to view it.

I THOUGHT I GO AHEAD AND POST MY JOURNAL HERE:

I'm grateful to God for protecting me and being patient with me today.

I'm grateful for practicing and designing a new yoga sequence.

I'm grateful for finding the courage to call a friend and plan a get-to-together.

I'm grateful for not letting 90% of the people I came in contact with today cause me to be anxious.

I'm grateful for my book: The Introvert Advantage. I'm reading everyday. It has truly helped me deal with the trauma.

My deposit: I was calm, polite, and easy to get along with today. [$5]

Excitement: I saw Shaq O'neal today in the book store. I had no idea he was in town or be in my favorite book store. He wasn't as big as he looks on television. He did not show up well on my camera phone. He had a nice suit on.

i reapplied for school. i was struggling with school. i knew i had the potential. everyone in my family graduated from college. my mother is an A student even today. she likes to take one or two classes from time to time. she says i'm a B student. lol - mom! i have As and Bs and a lot of Ws and a couple of Fs. i was struggling because something would trigger the memories and i'll stop going to class. by the middle of the class term i would have thoughts of not being good enough. i had this instructor who embarrassed me once in class and all the class was laughing at me. this student was passing around a picture of himself for this project. when the picture came to me the instructor made a comment that i was staring at the picture of the student too long and that i must like what i see. i couldn't believe it.

it was a speech class. after that i started sinking. i just stop going to the class. i should have said something to him or an advisor. that is when i really got involved with my therapist.

anyway, i know i can do this. i reapplied. i think that's worth $25. (1 tally = $5)

i'm excited. i used to take a lot of online courses so i could avoid people. i'm going to take evening classes and weekends. i had a weekend class and it was very comfortable and laid back for me. i got an A in that class.

hey, i was thinking about something i read in my book about introverts. i stay up alot really late. the book suggested that i have to pay attention to what i eat. basically in suggested that i stay away from foods with a lot of sugar. we all know this but it is worse for us. i realized i was eating these energy bars at night. so i stopped and my sleeping was a lot better. the night before i visited the college to reapply i had a bar. lol i stayed up until 5 am and had to get up at 8 am. lol

i'm grateful for finding the courage getting to the college and reapplying.

i'm grateful for meeting with this wonderful advisor. she was extremely pretty.

i'm also grateful that i did not lose my composure when she went over my transcript. that was another reason i would not go to an advisor. one advisor said i wasn't going to make it when we went over my transcript.

i'm understanding now that some people can be really uncaring and know no better. i shouldn't take in personal.

Deposit: $5

Balance: $35

i did my taxes and mailed them off. i owed and it wasn't pretty. (Deposit: $10) i never do my taxes on time, i avoid paying, and have to pay more when the irs sends me a bill a month before the new tax year is due. lol

i dropped off my resume at this place i would like to work and i stopped off at this other place to check on the status of my resume i handed off to them. (Deposit: $15) i normally won't bother to check on my resume. i would just wish that they call me.

i'm grateful for having the money to pay my taxes.

i'm grateful for the conversation i had with my cousin last night. he has been a major support for me through this entire ordeal. God bless him and his family.

i'm grateful for being out amongst people. i'm in my favorite book store and i don't feel like an outsider.

oh yeah, my Balance: $60

grasshopper7:

This is great. Don't give up re-training the brain. It can be done, and gratitude is one way to turn the switch around.

SuzA

THANK YOU SUZA!

i spent my weekend in detroit. i visited my best friend. i had an amazing time. he had friends over every night. we stayed up until 5 am. we danced and listen to music. we ate and play games. we talked and laughed. amazing! a day prior to coming, i told him it was no need to invite anyone over. the last time i visited him, he had a lot of company. it made me nervous and i stayed in my room alone. i made everyone else uncomfortable. my best friend and i argued and i decided to leave early. this time we went out to clubs and over someone's home to eat. they had a house full of people and we played games and watched movies. there were times when i wanted to retreat. i felt drained of energy at times. i felt my private space being invaded at times. i stood my ground and i became engaged. i did not like the drinking because i stopped. i drank for this trip. i handled it well. i did not act out. i did that in the past. i may have seemed slightly odd to some, but it wasn't all that bad for me at all.

this was a last minute trip. i didn't want to be alone for the weekend. i did not know what i was going to do that weekend and i had no one to do anything with. i'm grateful that my best friend was there for me.

DEPOSIT: $25 BALANCE: $85 (b/c the last visit was extremely rough and i thought i lost a great best friend.)

i'm grateful for my best friend.

i'm grateful that i had the means and time for the visit/trip.

i'm grateful for the fun i had socializing. i haven't done that in a while.

I live in a high rise apartment building. I've lived in the building for almost 4 years. I rarely sit in the common area. I was afraid of the people. Today I sat there and did some studying. I gave myself an hour. I did okay. A few folks walked pass. I looked up and smiled.

Deposit: $10

I did okay at work today. Someone at my job decided to air a morning show over a radio. The subject was about Monigue (won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in "Precious." Her brother had molested her when they were young. He told his story on Oprah this Monday past. Well, the radio show invited people to call in. Alot of emotions were happenning inside. Last year, I would have fall'en apart and probably told someone or all that I had been molested. I held it together. I was able to have a constructive conversation without telling my story. It felt good.

Deposit: $20 (b/c I felt the emotions growing. I had tears in my eyes. I wanted to cry out. After a few moments the emotions lessen. I felt it fade away.)

I reached out to a friend today. I told her how much her friendship meant to me. I told her that I will call more often and schedule some hangout time. She knows my story. I explained to her how my body and mind works. I told her that I require more down time than most folks and it may take me two weeks to call.

Deposit: $20 (I'm just really proud of myself.)

I can fell the old me about to act-out and then it's like I turn on an extinquisher and I put out the fire. Amazing! I really like that analogy!

Deposit: $50 (total) Balance: $130

I'm grateful for a good day at work.

I'm grateful for my friends in the town I'm in. Right now just two. lol

I'm grateful for my positive demeanor today.

I'm am always grateful to God for allowing all this to happen. Thank you. We still have a lot of work to do.

that is such a great idea. you should like go into a business you could become rich or something with how good your ideas are.

thank you dcwalker. how are you doing today?

I don't have a deposit today. It's okay. I had a good day. I'm thinking a lot - that's good. I'm reading a book: belonging by bell hooks. She's my favorite writer.

I'm writing poems and songs.

I ran into a former co-worker and her daughter. We sat in a mall next to a fountain talked and played with her daughter for more than thirty minutes. It was great. I'm thankful.

I'm thinking about how I can prepare for the next day. I'm grooming myself the night before. I find myself rushing in the morning before leaving for work. I seem to start my mornings rattled. The goal is to prepare the night before. I accomplish that tonight. I can use that time to meditate and do yoga. I could make a deposit with that, but I'm not. Not yet.

I like to run. I want to do a marathon. Since I've been doing yoga my runs have improved. I feel comfortable and calm. I can run for two hours with no stress physically nor mentally. I had a good hour run today. It was inside and while watching the nba play offs. Athletes inspire me.

I'm good at making sure I do breakfast every morning. I realize a while ago that it is really the most important meal of the day. I believe that. If I don't have breakfast in the morning, the day is a struggle emotionally.

I'm grateful for feeling low in the early part of the day and shook it off by going for a run. I didn't have a enough sleep the night before. I should do my journaling early. It's 3:30 AM right now! I should be asleep. I'm yawning something terrible.

I'm grateful for the conversations I had today with my former co-worker, my best friend, and my aunt.

I found out a co-worker was released from the company. I sent him a text to say hi. He hasn't returned my text. I hope he is okay. Normally something like that would bother me. I would think he didn't like me. I would take it personal. We got along at work. We joked a lot. We worked for the company in that office longer than anyone. I'm grateful I did not let it worry me.

I'm grateful for my run.

Thank you Lord for a blessed day.

Deposit: Balance: $130

my weekend was amazing! i'm only going to speak on the fireworks. it happen on this last friday. a female friend of mine and i hung out. it was our intent to run together. after we discussed it we both ended up being a nice-looking-couple casual. she was dressed so pretty. we parked away from our location so we could take a walk - my passion. we talked and laughed. i was grinning from cheek to cheek. we ended up compromising on a restaurant she would like and one that had the play-offs on - yeah! actually i was so engaged with her i rarely looked up at the game. i felt like the luckiest guy in the world! after eating we walked around the area. it's an outside venue with a lot of clothing shops, restaurants, clubs, movie theatre, and condos. it's a popular trendy place to be. i normally avoid the populace. we look great and people noticed. i was beaming!

these are the days i crave for. but the trauma rooted from the sexual child abuse empeded my growth. it drove me mad, for i could see who i really should have been. who i am suppose to be. i faught to accept how happy i was and i desperately didn't want to let go of it.

it was because of my trip to see my best friend that i took to notice how tired i was of the prison my true vibrant self had been dwelling in. back where i live i haven't enjoyed the company of others in years. i hadn't been trying. that's what i realized from my trip.

I AM GRATEFUL THAT I FOUND THE COURAGE TO HAVE AN AMAZING NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN WITH MY FEMALE FRIEND THAT I FELT ALIVE AND ENJOYED. DEPOSIT: $50 (i can't tell you how confident and alive i was because it hasn't happen in a while. i felt i was receiving all the good thoughts from others for reasons in my smile.)

i'm grateful for the beautiful weather.

i'm grateful for having a job.

i'm grateful for the warm wishes i feel from others.

Deposit: $50 Balance: $180