Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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REPRESSED MEMORIES! please help

getnbedr
getnbedr
Was i sexually abused? I have struggled with this question for the past 22 years! When i was 23, my sister pointed out to me that i was physcially abused regularly by my father. But i still to this day don't remember ever being hit. my mom confirmed it. Part of me knows i was also sexually abused, but doesnt what to admit it. i am too terrified to admit it. I remember where it happened, when it happened, and how i went inside by body while it happened. But i dont remember WHAT happened. IT MAKES ME CRAZY!!!
And in the mean time i struggle with a sexual addiction. Acting out helps me to deal with my feelings, but it also sends me further down a destrcutive path. I dont want to do that, but i am not capable of stopping it. i am trying to get help, but i still struggle. its all so frustrating. If their is a God, couldnt he have made the world just a tad less complicated. I guess their are others with bigger problems then my own. well thanks for any thoughts and feedback...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Iam sorry for what you are going through. I hope that you are seeking therapy, if not I would suggest finding a therapist. You are important never forget that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I struggle with this too. I have found that trying to remember in the regular way doesn't help. Your brain didn't file this information in the normal way. When I follow my feelings instead of the facts things come up a little easier. But the best thing for me was therapy and emdr.

I feel for you. I have felt the same way. Try to let your mind know that the facts of what happened are not as important as the feelings that the abuse caused. The actual abuse is over but the emotional patterns are what you carry with you.

You can stop the acting out and addiction. You were strong enough to survive the unthinkable... you can do it. Therapy is a good investment if you can find the right person to help you. I think www.emdr.com has a referral list and most insurance covers emdr therapy.

Best of luck, protect yourself and please be careful.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with the others. Therapy is the way to go. EMDR has been very helpful for me, too. In my experience, it takes the help of a professional to recover from sexual abuse.

I struggled for a long time about whether or not I really was sexually abused. I recovered memories in my 20's and didn't trust them. How could I have blocked out something so huge in my life? But the thing that clinched it for me was that I got better by working on my sexual abuse issues. That wouldn't have happened if it weren't the real issue.

Please be gentle and have faith in yourself. (((HUG)))
NiketaAroha
NiketaAroha
I am still very conficted about this. I was at risk of sexual abuse in my family because of my father. My mother tried to protect me from him when I was at the age of his attraction which was about 9 and up. I went to see a counsellor at the beginning of the year and she is sure something big happened to me when I was little. I have no memories. I don't like not knowing the truth, but I am scared to find it out. Unlock memories. I know I am on a journey. I am jsut taking a break at the moment. But I know you are on a journey too, and if you keep at it with the help things will eventually become clearer and those destructive behaviour patterns will become less.
getnbedr
getnbedr
thanks guys... i know you are all right, but its so hard to do...
deleted_user
deleted_user
i too repressed my memories and they started bubbling to the surface but i never regained the full memories just enough to know it did happen.even not remembering the actual abuse i did reenactments of rape and started that at a very young age. i was 4 or 5 when the abuse started. i also had nightmares of being chased an raped almost every night for so many years. i too act out although it doesn't send me down a destructive path. i find it a bit healing and liberating, i feel as if i'm taking that control back. i would suggest if you want to regain those memories and i understand how frustrating not fully remembering can be,try hypnosis. as for why you would block those memories out especially if your extremely young its your mind trying to protect you from what at the time might have been more than you could have handled. as a child how do you reason out why such a thing happened to you. i know i sure didn't understand.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too have dreams of being chased by men and being raped.I hate them.But I can not recall anything that may make me have these dreams.I have had memories come to me of when I was younger and the stuff I did sexually that young freaks me out.But I can not put a face to may have done this to me.My last memorie was of me 3-4 years old standing naked inbetween a older mans legs.But as quick as I saw it it was gone.I dont know what to do with things like that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It might be helpful for you to google Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). It is complex and somewhat controversial. Briefly, the thinking is that sometimes, when children are severely physically and sexually, the child develops a second personality or a number of personalities which actually feels the pain of the abuse. Women tell me that while the abuse was happening, they were aware of it, but felt as if they were in the next room and the abuse was happening to someone else. The personality which felt the abuse then dissappears from the victims memories when it is not needed. You are not crazy. You also may also have developed a 'gatekeeper' sort of personality which is the one which decides which personality you feel. The gatekeeper may believe that there is no benefit for you from feeling the pain.