This does feel true at times. But if you go through the healing process, as difficult as it is, you can become a survivor and a thriver and have a wonderful life.

I no longer call myself a victim I'm a survivor. My abductor now serves a life sentence six feet under.

Scott

LOL. That's the perfect place for him too Scott!

I also never identified with being a victim. In fact, when my therapist used the word once I gave her a look that could kill. I am a survivor through and through and now I am thriving.

Good for you lucky stand up for you know who you are. Not even a therapist can know how you feel inside. ( V ) shouldn't be in a therapist vocabulary.

Scott

You see that's what bothers me. An abuser will always be an abuser. These abusers need to be put away for good so they can't hurt another person rather it be a child, a teenager or an adult. It happens to all ages. Abusers need to be put away for good and through away the key.

Had to vent it.

Scott

Scott I agree that the abusers should be put away. Sadly, much too often they either spend no time in jail or only a few years. Around here there was a police standoff when a guy held a gun to his young child's (toddler maybe) head and threatened to shoot. The guy got out on $7,000 bail. Really? So now he can go back and scare that child more? Why wasn't he held without bail? It just floors me how these people are not locked away forever.

Ok. I'm dong venting now too. :-)

If you believe this quote to be true you will, indeed, live the life of a victim. Healing is my reality and invalidates the quote.
SuzA

I am not completely sure about this.

I never wanted to embrace the name of "victim" either. I never even let myself know what happened to me. But the reality is that I was wounded almost to death, and who I could/should have been was destroyed. Decades later I am still struggling to find my way back to feeling like a part of the world of people.

You can't tell a wounded child that she's not a victim. She is a victim.

If someone is feeling like a victim it is something real and should be respected. They should not feel there is something wrong with the way they feel. I'm sorry, but this feels like a kind of denial to me and I am not comfortable with it.

I'm not saying anyone here has done something wrong in expressing their feelings, I just wanted to express my own.

I know where you are coming from. Currently I soul truly feels like a victim full of hurt, sadness and I know I'm not suppose but shame as well. It's just what I feel. The logical side of me knows I'm a survivor somewhere deep inside. I just hv to work on getting the emotions combine with the logic. I'm for the first time in 30 yrs really trying to dig in and work on combing the two

Of course, as a child I was a victim. I do not and cannot deny that. Nor can I deny that my belief systems create my reality. I have worked hard over many years to heal and to create new beliefs; and for every new healthy (behavioral/thinking/feeling) choice I make and act on, those new choices create new belief systems that become stronger--and in so doing changes my reality.

Looking back at my life I can easily identify the "victim behaviors" and "victim thinking" I acted on; and those 'false' beliefs created my reality. I acted as if I had less value than other people. I would not speak up for myself. I was promiscuous and now understand why I thought so little of myself as to engage in one-night stands, to trade sex for acceptance, and to hide my natural gifts--for I believed they were not good enough to share.

I am not saying, or even suggesting survivor's feelings should not be respected for each of us must move at our own pace and thru our own pain. And I think that moving beyond victim-feeling/thinking/believing is the foundation of healing.

I am saying clearly that there is another way to be and that "other way to be" will not likely be found by believing you'll always be a victim as this quote suggests in saying it's "...the victim that gets a life sentence."

Again, I say, if a survivor believes they will forever be a victim then that WILL be their life sentence. I don't buy it; we can move beyond victimhood to become thrivers. Many can do it but we must first be aware that many women and men have NOT accepted a life sentence of victimhood. Yes, as children we were victims; and for a time victimhood will mingle with surviving; and again, surviving will mingle with thriving--until, there comes a time when even "surviving" is seldom visited and our life is one of mostly thriving.

Ups and downs? Always. But now we have the means and methods to handle them and if we don't we will know to explore and investigate. We will know to look for help because we are thrivers, not victims.


Again, I say, if a survivor believes they will forever be a victim then that will be their lifelong reality. I believe we can move beyond victimhood..in our own time and in our own way.
xx
SuzA

SuzA I agree with what you are saying. My therapist and I had a discussion about people who have a victim mentality. She explained that they make every decision from a place of being a victim and it takes a long time for them to move out of that way of thinking. Depending on how long they have been thinking that way of course. I do feel sad for the people who feel they are victims and have the victim mentality. It is an even harder journey for them in their healing.

Guys, I understand the deep feelings this has brought. My sole purpose of posting, its a quote. I didnt post it thinking about a victim verses survivor status. I simply posted it thinking that an abuser does the crime, serves time but the victim will always have that abuse. There are no time machines or forget pills. It was just a quote. Nothing more.

darebearsworld,

The quote served a good purpose.