Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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kupkakegirl 12/14/2013

My husband left me. I am 2 months pregnant and we have a 17 month old together. I also have a 9 yr old from a previous relationship. The problem is we often accuse each other of being unfaithful. One day I found some suspicious things and brought it up to him to which he flipped out and said its over. He left just like that.
He claims that my past history has messed up my head and he doesn't want to pay for it. He can't deal with the fact men have sexually abused me. Honestly, my sexual abuse has nothing to do with me trusting him.
Maybe if I wasn't abused I would be a better wife. Maybe men would want me. I will never know.

LuckyEmpath 12/14/2013

I am so sorry. My heart aches for you and your children. And also for your husband because even he is having a difficult time with everything.

Many (if not all) abuse survivors do have trust issues - I did. Many of us also have trust issues because our home life (aside from the abuse) was not a safe place to grow up. It sounds like many people (men?) have hurt you enough that you don't trust any more and I understand that. It also sounds like your husband has trust issues so it makes me wonder what happened to him that made it so he can not trust others either.

I do hope you can both get the help you need as individuals and as a couple so that you can have a healthy marriage for yourselves and your children. You deserve it.

Take care

deleted_user 12/14/2013

It seems like your husband is using your abuse to get out of the responsibility of having a family. I understand why you wrote the last sentence, I often feel that same way about life in general. I am sorry you are going through so much pain right now. Hugs.

sugarbear75 12/14/2013

No , I think it is an easy excuse to not be accountable. I know it is a hard thing to deal with sometimes. I repressed all my abuse and my husband would wonder why I did certain things and act certain way. I am sorry you are alone and I pray for your situation and that you get through this. I repressed my abuse and it hit me all at once once I was away. He had to adjust to it . Marriage for better or for worse and he chose the easy way out. I am closer to my husband and it seems like we have a closer reletionship . I think we all have baggage someway or the other. Some just a little more. Take care and lots of hugs and prayers !

kupkakegirl 12/18/2013

Thanks. He says he can't take it and my past is too much. He says he wants to meet someone that he doesn't know anything about- a fresh start. Nothing I do can erase my past.
I can't do anything to save my relationship with the man I love. No matter what I do, he won't let go of my past

LuckyEmpath 12/19/2013

That is so sad. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be happy. My heart goes out to you.

deleted_user 12/19/2013

you absolutely deserve better. that man does not know what it truly means to be a husband. every person on the planet, and i mean EVERY person has baggage, or issues of some sort, not matter how minor. Your role as a spouse (husband or wife) is to love unconditionally and help your partner through their troubles.

I really wish i could talk to this guy in person and set him straight, he seems like a real piece of work. So he wants to meet someone new and have a fresh start, eh? well at some point you find the flaws and issues that a person has. would he run away then too?

It seems like this guy is confused and doesn't know what he wants. I'm so sorry you and your kids are caught in the wake of his immaturity. you deserve so much more than what he is doing. You aren't your past, you and he both need to realize that. and if he cant, I hope you find someone who will understand, be a real man, and love you for you.

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