Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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EmeliaK 10/29/2008

I dont know why now but things seem to be alot harder then they were closer around the time of the rape. I was raped twice and the last time it occured was about a year ago. During the last attack, my rapist said that he was going to kill me. Well obviously he didnt, he just left me here to deal with shame, guilt,fear, hatred, etc. Sometimes now I wish he would have been the tough man he acted like and would have killed me. My parents dont believe, my mom calls me a slut, my therapist quit me and now Im alone. I cant do this anymore. I wrote this because it described me at the moment I wrote it...

Just shoot me with that gun,
I want you to kill me
because of everything YOU've done.
It would be one good deed for you to do,
after all you have already killed me
through and through.
I've fallen down to my knees,
hands folded and head faced to the sky,
Dear God please,
I have never wished to die
So this question I ask tonight,
it makes me really cry.
I am tired of this now,
its a never ending pain,
I'm filled with so much fear
and live with so much shame.
So hear me as I cry tonight,
my heart is so broken
I won't last another fight.
Save me from who I came to be,
he made me change,
deep down killed me.
Don't let me live this way,
at times I feel so alone,
I just wish someone who say,
Please don't cry,
I promise it will be ok.

deleted_user 10/29/2008

When I was young, someone told me that life was fair. As I aged, I found out they had lied. I cannot change other peoples minds. I cannot make people agree with me. The only thing I can change is how I respond to an unfair world. I can either get angry, or I can accept it. Getting angry doesn't change anything and if I hold onto that anger long enough it will make me insane. If I accept it, then I can take actions which help me compensate for the bad stuff which happened. You are not alone. You are loveable and you are loved.

tyzz27 10/30/2008

I agree with you 100% and I am sure that there would be people out there that would say because of what has happened it makes us a better person. But imho I wish they had of just tortured me to the point of death, Perhaps then I would not be needing to lkive the shit life I now life with so many effects from the result of 9 yrs of childhood abuse in all its forms. It really sucks when family dont believe. I tried to tell my mother at the age of 9 and 12 but she didnt believe me. She now says she didnt know what I was saying and she did believe me, pitty I have an alter personality aged 9 because she refused to beleive.

Atm I definitely dont agree with this statement from one of my fav films but I guess I have always tried to hold onto this sentence.

"We deserve to have a 2nd chance to lead the lives that we were born to have"

deleted_user 10/30/2008

You are a worthwile person and no he should not have killed you. Shame on your mum for not believing and double shame on the therapist. You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. Your rapist has. He is to blame NOT you. Try and find a therapist who deals with people like us who have been abused and raped. I had a really bad experience with a cousellor who should never have been in that job. It may not seem like it now but your are a survivor and with the right support and help you will come to know this. Please find a new therapist or just talk to us here as DS who have been through what you have. We all get angry at times and I think we have a right to

deleted_user 10/30/2008

i like what u wrote out in ur poem, it is very good to get it out... u r a specail person, i PRAISE GOD that he did not kill u, u have a purpus here in this world, i will keep u in my prayers. i am here if u ever want to talk..

deleted_user 10/30/2008

I'm glad you are still alive. Otherwise, your poem could not have helped someone else.

~bill

deleted_user 10/30/2008

It is hard for us no doubt about that.It's got to be terrible not to be beliieved.I didn't tell,but wish I had.It was many yrs. of being molested,when I told about that I was told to stay away from them,they lived across the street,DAHHHHH,I was branwashed to not say anything,and it got worse,and then raped and gang raped.I didn't tell then either,but they were caught shortly after and went to prison,someone spoke up,I wish I had.The guy that raped me also tried to break in my home,after I was married,He knew my husband was out,he had just seen him ,Sometimes these things have a snowball effect,because these creeps see are vulnerable or target us,as in my case.It was not your'e fault,but you will feel guilty,that is what they want,and then they still have control over us.We get angry( and have every right to be )I hope you see another therapist,it takes awhile sometimes, to find one that you will feel totally comfortable with,and please keep it real,do not minimize it,we only hurt ourselves then again and we don't deserve it.Please B strong,and you will make it,not easily,but you will.Trusting will be hard too,but you can overcome it all,if you keep asking for help,or just here on D.S.it's best to talk with people who really do understand,and have been in your'e shoes, with respect,sincerely,sonnie

deleted_user 10/31/2008

I really love this poem! I have been there and can relate to how you felt when you wrote it. It seems like they have killed our souls with the shame, blame and guilt, etc. But remember there are some important parts of you that were not touched, parts that you refused to give up of you and still have. And I am glad you are still alive, because that means you are a survivor and have the opportunity to heal. And some time in your life is going to come a moment that you are going to be oh, so very, very glad that you are still alive! I managed to stay alive to see many of those moments that are worth living for. I'll bet you can stick around for yours too, because they are going to be amazing!! Have patience, work to survive, and those moments will come and you will be so glad to have them!!

deleted_user 10/31/2008

Oh sweetie! You are alive and that is a wonderful gift even if you don't realize that right now. I am so sorry that you have no family support system. This is not uncommon. Most families like to pretend that nothing inappropriate happened. But, you know the truth. You have the power to rise above this. If someone doesn't believe you, that is their problem. They probably don't know how to help you any way. Finding a good therapist will be helpful. Remember, you are loved by God and lots of others!! You should be loved for who you are, not what you can do. Hang in there & may God bless you!!

deleted_user 10/31/2008

Wow, this is an amazing poem...I can really relate, when I was hurt, all I could think about was surviving, but now I kind of wish I hadn't. You're not alone, not at all

deleted_user 11/01/2008

I loved your poem,and I am so sorry that happened to you.I believe you,your not alone,and I too have a mom who chooses not to believe what happened to me.I want to encourage you to keep writing and expressing yourself.keeping wirting your poetry and to keep looking for a therapist who cares about you and listens to you. hugz

deleted_user 11/01/2008

i have tried looking at things the way others see it..im told to except it..im told to be thankful cause it made me closer to God.im told to just planly get over it and move on.im told everything happens for the best..im torn inside of what all has happened to me..i dont need no one to care about me cause God does..he visited me when i couldnt get up..he tries his best to sooth me when im in so much pain over the mess.
alot of times i do believe im better off dead than alive.i try so hard no to be but i am.
we are not alone in this you and i..hang in there.

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