Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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getnbedr 01/06/2009

I cant believe i am writing this!!! ...i actually did it!!! i confronted my father about the SA. I am still a little shocked i did it. How brave of me! :-) I am a strong person! :-) Wow, i feel so much better not carrying around his secret. I also told my sister and mother. I am VERY fortunate that my family is being so supportive. They both believe me. Well my mom is divorced from him and was hurt by him too, so its easier for her to support me. My sister is still in contact with him, so its alot harder for her. So...
When i was home for Christmas, I confronted my father about what he did to me. God, that feels so good to say. I told him that i remembered, i remembered what he did to me. He tried to act like he didnt know what i was talking about and walked away! but when i told him my attorney would be in contact with him, he came back and started being very nice all of a sudden. I told him how much it hurt me and how it has affected me my entire life. I told him that he thought he got away with it for the past 35 years, but he is not going to get away with it anymore. I told him i was considering all my options including legal/criminal/civil charges or that i might be kind and come to some sort of settlment with him. I told him i didnt want to see a 65 year old man go to jail, but I have been in prisoned for the past 35 years, and people need to stop getting away with this shit! To which he replied: "So tell me what i can do for you?"
LOL {shaking my head in disgust}. My father doesnt have an ounce of compassion in him, he doesnt care about what sort of problems i might be having, or how his physical/emotional/pscyhological/sexual abuse has effected me, or why i havent called to talk to him for the past year. When he says, "tell me what i can do for you" he is simply saying how much money do you want? I told him i didnt want his money, but that he WAS going to pay some sort of consequence for what he did to me. His response was, "I'm sorry" (huh) I told him sorry doesnt cut it!

I am open to any and all thoughts and feedback on this. I am not sure where to take it fom here, but i feel GREAT about what i did!!!

deleted_user 01/06/2009

I am so happy for you and glad you have told your family and confronted your dad, only if the rest of us had your strength

getnbedr 01/06/2009

Well i forgot to put in there how i had a panic attack on the plane going home just thinking about it. I called my friends back home for support. I dont think i was strong for doing it, i think i got stronger as a result of doing it! Thanks!

deleted_user 01/06/2009

I am proud and pleased for you. I recently told my mother and father about my SA when i was younger from my father, i was not allowed to see them so i had to send a letter.

I am still waiting for a responce it could be a very long time. but i dont care.

Very happy for you tho.

X

deleted_user 01/06/2009

Good for you! That has to be such a liberating feeling! You did it! Congratulations!!!

I can't even tell my parents about sexual abuse from a boyfriend whom they didn't even like! I'm too embarrassed for them to know.

You are very strong. I'm proud of you.

deleted_user 01/06/2009

first off all so god damn brave of you sir standing up to him second off my opinion is its up to you.
It can be hard we know

deleted_user 01/06/2009

Congrats, i love to hear that people stand up for themselves.....:)

huggs.

deleted_user 01/06/2009

You just gave me the biggest life... that is awesome. I'm thrilled for the strength, the power you took back!

deleted_user 01/07/2009

Yes! You took your power back. Despite the fact that he showed no remorse does not matter. You took that long held secret and let him have it. Plus, you have the support of the rest of your family. I'm so proud of you. I can understand you having a panic attack on the plane going home. That's probably when it really hit you about what you did and how empowering it was. Wherever you decide to go with this, if anywhere at all ... I'm with you.
peace and love ... Kyle Anne

getnbedr 01/07/2009

I cant tell you guys how much your support means to me. i never felt supported my whole life, because people didnt understand why i was the way i was. Now my mother keeps saying,"Oh now i understand why you..." Its nice to be understood, instead of looked down upon. I dont know that i quite understand the whole taking back my power thing, but i do feel it. It is awesome. I feel like i can breath! for 40 years i have been holding my breath, and now i can breathe! I cant tell you guys how much you have all helped me. all of you, by being here, supporting each other and making this a safe place to deal wth these issues. i owe a great deal to DS, and my NA porgram, and God, and... I'd like to thank the Academy, LOL. thats a joke. Gotta lighten it up a little. Its good to laugh. Its good to be free! I am free, I am free! Thank you God, i am FREE!

ImpulsiveREtardednes 01/07/2009

Congratulations darling. I'm so proud of you!!! I'm so happy you decided to confront him. You know what it means?? Not ONLY was it the strength inside you...but it also means that it was the right time.

*hugs getnbedr* YOU'RE THE BEST!!!

deleted_user 01/07/2009

Wow, I am in awe. I don't know if I could do what you did. It's not that I don't WANT to it's more that I don't know if I could. With my three abusers I don't think I would be able to get them to admit, even to me, that they did it. I think the conversation would do more harm for me than good. But I do have my times when I want to be with them yell, scream, cry, and get everything I have to say to them out from the pounding place in my temples. I think the only thing that would get their attention would be if I chose to press charges. #1 was 18 years ago, no evidence. #2 no evidence #3 evidence but the cops said it would just come down to he said/ she said and he would more than likely walk. Also my folks wouldn't for a second support me if I went through the justice system. Yes, I want desperately to do what you did. I want to confront them and have them admit it. For me, that would be more than half the battle, just to get them to ADMIT it. I'd like them to apologize, too, but I don't think I would be able to accept it. Anyway, really, really, really good job. And I hope you get the justice you so rightfully deserve.

Best,
Persephone

deleted_user 01/07/2009

well done on having the courage to tell your family and confront your father. im sorry your dad doesnt seem to have remorse for what hes done. he really doesnt deserve to have you in his life.
I was also abused by my dad and cut him out of my life and im so glad i did.
i wish you all the best.

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