It has taken me forever to accept that what my older half brother did to me was abuse. He was 7 yrs and 7 days older than me. Still today I do not hate him as much as the other 10 sexual perpetrators. One of these perpetrators was my brothers age. I guess what helped me realize it was abuse was in reflecting back on the experience and realizing that my older brother would not do what he did to me when my parents were not around. Like my other perps he told me to keep it a secret and made threats about things that would happen to him and me if my parents were ever to find out. I guess it all came out when my parents caught him one day on top of me when i was 5 yrs old. However sunconsciously i tried to rationalise it because although they sent him off to a shrink my parents did nothing to support me after their discovery believing I would be too young to remember and therefore there would be no effects from what happened with my half brother.

I was molested by a cousin, I was around 6, he was at least 10 years older than me, I know that maybe it was imitation to the abuse he was being victim, but I don't think that's an excuse, I know it was abused because it hurted, it still does, and no excuse or "explanation" on why he did that will make a difference for me.

I was molested by my babysitter's son from the age of 5-10, he was about 6 years older than me. I think for a long time I just labelled it as children exploring their bodies. I'm not sure exactly when I realized it was abuse. I think to a certain extent I always knew because it wasn't normal behavior (even for a kid). I also somewhat remember protesting his sexual advances at the age of 10. Ultimately, I tried my best to repress the whole thing and tried hard to not really think about it. But, I've been battling depression since the age of 15. I've gone through periods of self-medicating with alcohol and other things. It's been a real roller coaster. I'm 26 and It wasn't until my 20s when I started to make-out and get more intimate with boys (under some influence of course) that I realized that my bodily reaction was not normal. I would freeze and my body would feel numb. In the last few years, I have been reading upon sexual abuse and the consequences in adulthood. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I saw myself completely in the description. I sought help for the first time last year. I am nowhere near close to processing anything and I have no idea what it's going to take to move on and heal. I guess its a step by step process, and I think accepting that this happened to you is probably the first step.

I sometimes feel like I was walking around with a target on me saying "won't talk, feel free to molest". A cousin, a brother, kids in the neighborhood... I was ashamed and embarrassed. However, I think it was more experimentation and/or repeating what they had been through than anything else. It does not make it all go away, but I have forgiven and let it go.

What is hard for me, however, is that my own child was abused by a child that was about 18 months older than her. This older child was most likely replaying what had been done to her. Still, it is very painful for my daughter and she still struggles with close physical contact with other people.

I realized I was being abused because I felt ashamed. I knew I was doing something "naughty" due to doors being locked and hiding when these events happened. Like someone else said, if it wasn't something that would happen in front of parents, it was not right. We all have that inner voice and we'll be happier if we listen to it.

Good luck!