Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
hello everyone,
ive been around as a "listener" for a bit but this is my first time posting or really attempting to be open about this stuff. I apologize if this is triggery for folks, I feel like I could use some feedback - to know if this is real, if I've lost it or what?
ive had some rough goes of things over the years- almost thirty now but I feel like I only can remember my life in bits and pieces and small flashes and a lot of times it feels like a dream or someone else's experience, but I'm only just starting to notice and really be bothered..
i had a few incidents that I have for a long time remembered and struggled w, involving another boy on the bus at 11, a friend at 13, and a series of bad experiences at parties, on dates, even marrying a very abusive person.. which all connected to this sort of pattern where I couldn't ever seem to say no, or set my boundaries or fight hard enough and really get angry w myself..
but then this past year I started having dreams and flashes of just this moment, being in the playroom with someone as a younger kid and feeling pain "down there" , and I can't stop wondering and feeling afraid that this is something else.. I don't know whether I'd want to know, I don't know if it's even possible or makes sense, I don't know if I should just let it go?
Any advice?
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
So my advice is to seek counseling or therapy. It's clear that something has wounded you, and whether or not it is sexual abuse is less relevant than the fact that you are carrying a wound. Although I honestly doubt you would come up with that feeling and fear unless there is something behind it, I am saying that it is important to take your feelings seriously and explore them with a professional, regardless of the source.
I remember I had the same feelings when I had the first flashbacks of being sexually abused. Wondering if it was real or not, if I had gone crazy, wondering if I really wanted to find out or not. I second donnawanda's advise: Take it seriously, seek help from a counselor/therapist.
I also had a very hard time saying no and setting boundaries. I understand the feelings of anger with yourself that go with it. Please, try to be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself. Setting boundaries is something we learn. Many survivors of sexual or other abuse find it difficult: We've made the experience that our boundaries were not respected. The good news is: You can learn to say no and set boundaries as an adult. I did and so can you.
Feel free to post as often and whatever you're comfortable with. You're not alone. Hugs of support