Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
They tell me its not my fault. That I didnt ask him to touch me, hurt me, break me, rape me. They tell me I was a little girl, too young to fight back. I try to tell myself this everyday. It never calms my thoughts. All I feel is this deep pain and fear. Its so horrrible I just want to scream and cry and slice my arms until I cant feel anything...I hate myself constanty for feeling the way I do. I feel so dirty still to this day. I feel like I have committed a crime that im trying to hide from the world. I just wish I had someone to talk to instead of wallowing all night long in my thoughts until I eventually self-harm or take so much sleeping medication that I pass out. This pain is random and no matter how hard I wish and trying coping skills, it never wants to go away. Like a boulder on my chest. No amount of tears helps to calm me down...why are people so cruel to do these things? So you can get off for two seconds, you costed me my life and way of living. My childhood, my family and friends...My life is never going to be the same...
I have cried oceans of tears and at first it didn't help me feel better. That's because there were so many tears to cry. So much anger to release. So much betrayal to feel and process. It is often said that healing is like peeling an onion. You heal one layer, peel it back and reveal the next layer that must be healed...etc. I adopted the motto during my healing that even a single tear shed will move me forward. I had to believe that everything I was doing during my healing was moving me towards the goal of being fully healed and getting my life back. And I do have my life back and you can get yours back too. You are still young. Please don't give up on life now. Don't wait like many of us did and not heal until you are in your 40's or older. You CAN heal. You DESERVE to heal.
Until you put yourself in a safe place so you can express those feelings they will weigh you down. Are you working with a therapist? The healing process is not something we can do on our own, even though no one can do it but us...we still need guidance and support. If you're in therapy and feel safe, good. If not, and if possible, look for a therapist trained to work with survivors.
Although you may not believe it at this point in your life, you are worth healing. Look for the gift of You buried in your suffering. It's hard work ahead but don't let that stop you. Healing is an option. Take it.
xx
SuzA