Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Yesterday I visited the one and only sister I talk to. We're close and she, like me, have been through a lot. Through counseling and each other's support we've been able to be pretty much the only two siblings (out of 7) that have been able to be and remain closer.
Yesterday she told me something I didn't know. When she was 18 I know that my parents retired and moved to another state and she stayed. At that time I was dealing with a lot of crap myself so I wasn't there for her they way I wanted (and later was).
She told me that my parents left her on the streets for 3 days. She was homeless for 3 days. I never knew that. My parents were "disappointed" at her because she did not want to go back to be a Jehovah's Witness as they were. She told me that the elders in the congregation advised my parents to wait till she was 18 to leave her out. And they did.
Then when my sister was 32 - after ending up in a domestic violence situation, scammed out of $2,000, having to go to court to prosecute the a-hole that beat her, then sharing a room with me in a drug and bum infested "hotel", both of use living out of her part-time $7/hr job, taking care of me unable to work, depressed and having PTSD episodes - I was now back on my feet, back on track, on good treatment, prospering, she had her now husband and new family, a degree in Graphic Arts and a great well-paying job at a comedy-related TV network.
We came out stronger than ever (though still with issues to deal with), and we have managed to put our lives together with each other's support. Definitely not perfectly but we've had many great moments with joy and laughter.
14 years after leaving her on the streets left to her own devices, our mother decided to call her to ask how she was doing. And she had "good news". The Jehovah's Witnesses changed their policies on people they shun away and now she can call her, so she was expecting my sister to be very happy about it.
My sister of course confronted her about their decision when she was 18. My mother tried every excuse, every guilt trip, every Bible passage, every Watchtower article, every trick she had used in the past to shame us and psychologically abuse us. My sister didn't fall for any of them. I mean, 14 years of good recovery and taking care of ourselves on our own is more than enough time to know what to say if abusers come back for more abuse. After that conversation my mom never called her again.
Then about a year after that, my father called her. My father is a religious fanatic jackass depraved pedophile who believes that his magic Jehovah makes everything he does right. So my sister was on her way to her husband's aunt's birthday and she told my father. The Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays (some stupid BS nonsense about that's supposed to be a sin or some shit I no longer care to remember).
So when he heard what my sister said, he said that she was being disrespectful to him! My sister said, "you asked me how I'm doing and what I'm up to. Well, I'm fine and going to a birthday party that I planned." He tried to start preaching to her! She told me that she only said "how pathetic" and hung up.
Now I really understand why my parents ask me about her when I talk to them, and why my sister forbid me to tell them anything, which I respect and do of course.
I feel happy that my sister got it right. I'm glad that she told me and that we have developed the sibling closeness that we meant to have. She is doing the right thing, and she cut the ties with our parents as I should have.
As sad as it is that I have to talk about my own parents the way I have to, we both know that cutting ties with the rest of our Christian-for-when-it's-convenient-to-them-only family was the right thing. And I feel the luckiest man alive to have a sister like her. She's the best and stronger woman I've ever had the pleasure to know in person.
Yesterday she told me something I didn't know. When she was 18 I know that my parents retired and moved to another state and she stayed. At that time I was dealing with a lot of crap myself so I wasn't there for her they way I wanted (and later was).
She told me that my parents left her on the streets for 3 days. She was homeless for 3 days. I never knew that. My parents were "disappointed" at her because she did not want to go back to be a Jehovah's Witness as they were. She told me that the elders in the congregation advised my parents to wait till she was 18 to leave her out. And they did.
Then when my sister was 32 - after ending up in a domestic violence situation, scammed out of $2,000, having to go to court to prosecute the a-hole that beat her, then sharing a room with me in a drug and bum infested "hotel", both of use living out of her part-time $7/hr job, taking care of me unable to work, depressed and having PTSD episodes - I was now back on my feet, back on track, on good treatment, prospering, she had her now husband and new family, a degree in Graphic Arts and a great well-paying job at a comedy-related TV network.
We came out stronger than ever (though still with issues to deal with), and we have managed to put our lives together with each other's support. Definitely not perfectly but we've had many great moments with joy and laughter.
14 years after leaving her on the streets left to her own devices, our mother decided to call her to ask how she was doing. And she had "good news". The Jehovah's Witnesses changed their policies on people they shun away and now she can call her, so she was expecting my sister to be very happy about it.
My sister of course confronted her about their decision when she was 18. My mother tried every excuse, every guilt trip, every Bible passage, every Watchtower article, every trick she had used in the past to shame us and psychologically abuse us. My sister didn't fall for any of them. I mean, 14 years of good recovery and taking care of ourselves on our own is more than enough time to know what to say if abusers come back for more abuse. After that conversation my mom never called her again.
Then about a year after that, my father called her. My father is a religious fanatic jackass depraved pedophile who believes that his magic Jehovah makes everything he does right. So my sister was on her way to her husband's aunt's birthday and she told my father. The Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays (some stupid BS nonsense about that's supposed to be a sin or some shit I no longer care to remember).
So when he heard what my sister said, he said that she was being disrespectful to him! My sister said, "you asked me how I'm doing and what I'm up to. Well, I'm fine and going to a birthday party that I planned." He tried to start preaching to her! She told me that she only said "how pathetic" and hung up.
Now I really understand why my parents ask me about her when I talk to them, and why my sister forbid me to tell them anything, which I respect and do of course.
I feel happy that my sister got it right. I'm glad that she told me and that we have developed the sibling closeness that we meant to have. She is doing the right thing, and she cut the ties with our parents as I should have.
As sad as it is that I have to talk about my own parents the way I have to, we both know that cutting ties with the rest of our Christian-for-when-it's-convenient-to-them-only family was the right thing. And I feel the luckiest man alive to have a sister like her. She's the best and stronger woman I've ever had the pleasure to know in person.
Sometimes people hide behind things like religion or each other,to escape their evil behaviors. Through the years,I've known many people who claim religion as their savior,from their sins.
My father,which was not involved in any church groups, was my abuser. As I got older,he just acted as though nothing happened. I started to question myself and thought,was this just all a bad dream?
Until, two of my nieces told me that he tried to molest them. I suddenly felt as though my personal power, came rushing back in my soul. There are so many horrid details that I could write a book about it. To shorten this a bit, my mother stood behind him. My Father,the child molester,"died", a year after I disclosed everything to my family. I felt,nothing. Sometimes,we have to make a break from our families,to survive in our ,new world.
I have a very large family of my own that I love more than anyone or anything,in this world. Be happy and be glad you have Eliminated these negative forces in your life. I'm happy that you have each other.
Religion does not = the right to oppress others. It should be about helping other people reach their potential through love; even if it is tough love.
I was the last of 3 children to distance myself from the 'oldies' and also the one who helped my mother to prove that her silence was from fear and not approval.
I still do love them both for my own reasons, but fully understand my siblings and will not cry at the old man's funeral.
If we allow people to be abusive, then they will continue to do so. I am sorry that your JW parents have chosen church and friends over family, but I am happy that you have risen to a level where you do not ned 'sick' individuals running your lives.
I agree MickKay, religion is misued and abused by many people. I still wouldn't dare attack religion itself or try to take away other people's spirituality just because my abuse happened in a religious setting.
Religion has given many people, including many of us abuse survivors, hope, comfort and peace. I never forget that. And I'm no one to try to convince people otherwise.
The JW organization is a cult not a religion. Understanding that put things under perspective. It also helped me understand their brainwashed mentality. Well, I mean, it explains it; I'm not sure I actually understand it.
-William Shakespeare
He makes me feel all stabby. >:)
Even if I could forgive him for what he did? he's NOT WORTH having a relationship with.
He ain't gonna add any value to my life.
He hasn't worked on himself at all.
He is incapable of being a parent, not even to a middle-aged grown offspring.