I definitely relate. my mom was never really 'there' for me. whenever i came to anything emotional all she ever was was sarcastic. Neither of my parents talk abou my abuse ever. recently my mom asked me "are you ok when we talk about him?" refering to the fact that they talk about my brother (my abuser) and his happy little family constantly. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say "no acctually it hurts alot. and it fucking sucks" but i just said "I guess." My mom was an alcoholic for pretty much my whole life, two years ago she went to rehab and shes sober now. it made a big diffrence with most things but the big problems still go pretty much ignored.
My friends think she's this sweet perfect mommy, but I have mostly negative memories of her.

yes i feel this way awhole lot my mom faked like she was there for me but she really never was

My mother was an alcoholic who died when I was 22. She found out about my stepfather molesting me when I turned 18 (purely accidentally). I moved out of her house (and his) a month after the truth came out. It was a couple of years after she'd found out the truth that she told me over the phone one day "I believe you now because &*^% was caught with his boss' 13 year old daughter". I thought "you believe me NOW?". Anyway, through the years, I saw myself trying to find mother figures. I never really had a mother since she was always drunk and was a violent manic depressed woman. I'm 55 now and no longer looking for that mother or father that I never had. I'm lonely a lot though.

I crave maternal support more than anything, though I've accepted that it will never be derived from a biological source. I find myself drawn to motherly figures, and it's so hard because at the same time, I'm afraid to appear needy or dependent so they silently become important to me. I want to know that I'm lovable. I want someone to take care of me. at my age, I should be caring for myself, and I am - I've been extremely self-sufficient and independent from a very young age, but for years, I've had this irreplaceable void.

my mother's response when I told her about being abused as a child was, "Nothing could have happened to you, nothing could have happened to my daughter that I didnt know about. Why would you lie about something like that? Im disgusted. Get away from me. I dont even want to look at you." I was only 12-years-old when I confessed this to her. it has never been addressed since. years later, she learned of my rape at 17 (it wasn't until two years after the incident that she found out, so I was 15 when it happened), and she believed me. she handled it in a way that really hurt me, but she tried to be supportive. still, she has never acknowledged what lies in my childhood, and that has probably had the biggest impact on me.

it hurts to write these words on the screen. I feel as though I've been bad or am wrong.

I find this too my 2 best friends are 10/15 years older than me and i'm always turning to them for advice and they are always mothering me which i like tho at times i find it annoying as they do with me occasionally telling me that i need to make decisions for myself etc

I absolutely relate. I'm 38 and I still NEED a mother but mine is not "available" to me. I feel that absence mostin my life. I often get that deep lonely feeling....the only thing I can offer is what my therapist told me last week. Adopt a set of new parents. find someone in your neighborhood or church or other group you are connected to who has grown kidsorwho provides you with that feeling...and work at that relationship.

I get what she was saying but in a way it sounded like I needed to go advertise, lol! I KNOW I need family...and mine isn't there...so I'm trying to be more present to the good relationships I have around me...even if it is just a friend or nieghborly acquaintance. If they treat me like I deserve to be treated and help me to feel like the person I AM (and not the person they decided I am like my family) then I put some good back into it.

Hugs to you. I know it's hard.

i can relate. my mom was not emotionally there for me and she didn't protect me from my abusive father. she was afraid of him too, so she watched me and my sibs grow up getting beaten and tossed around and terrorized. when i disclosed the sexual abuse stuff a few months ago, she basically dismissed it. said she believed me, but it was a long time ago, etc. she now just acts like it never happened. it really, really hurts. she wants to have a relationship with me, but wants me to pretend like everything is ok. i can't do that. i deserve better than that.
so i'm working on creating my own "family" from the people in my life that love me and are supportive of me. people i can be honest with and who deal honestly with me. i have an adopted "mom" and my best friend and one of my brothers and my sister. i also have an uncle and aunt who are pretty terrific. it's a small family, but a supportive one, and i am trying to keep myself open to expanding it.

you are not alone
I went to therapy and revealed the truth about the abuse and they all turned around and blamed me
I put it in my mind that they are dead and long gone and I can live with that much easier than the other
Who needs people in your life that will always put you down, never good enough and don' how to love you and accept you for who you are
don't get me wrong here..I've extende my hand in forgivenesss and understanding but I was the only one changing, they were still stuck in that same place

my mother sexually abused me, i am female. the minority population, ha women dont abuse their daughters!!!! my psycholgist today told me to lower my expectatioons of my parents so i am goin to do that.
the inner child, google it and you will gets heaps of info aboiut why it stilll hurts and that viod i so relate.... stef be a survivor, we all r xx

my mother sexually abused me, i am female. the minority population, ha women dont abuse their daughters!!!! my psycholgist today told me to lower my expectatioons of my parents so i am goin to do that.
the inner child, google it and you will gets heaps of info aboiut why it stilll hurts and that viod i so relate.... stef be a survivor, we all r xx

My mom knew everything that was going on in our house the whole time. She OK'd everything by not protecting us. She was, literally, dad's servant and she obeyed him fully. As a mom, I will NEVER understand a parent that doesn't give her life to protect her children and to want them to be healthy and whole. I think it's a VERY normal thing that you are looking for that validation from "mother figures". Speaking from personal experience, and years of struggle, only a real relationship with Jesus Christ can fill those voids and give that validation. NOT religion...a real relationship.

I agree that faith is the strongest factor in healing.

However, saying that only a relationship with Jesus can fill that void is closed-minded. I personally am a Christian (Christian "Friend" i.e. Quaker) and believe that any peaceful faith is in line with Christ's teachings. Remember, Jesus did not tell people to worship him, he told them to follow him in the way he loves. Someone who follows Christ must respect other religions. At the time of Christ, and for many hundreds of years after, several civilizations had not even heard of Jesus. Was God denying them knowledge of Christ? My belief is no. For example, Buddhism is a very peaceful religion, dedicated to many of the same pursuits as Christianity (peace, love, humility, and self-sacrifice).

I truly believe that anyone who obeys the teachings of Christ, even if they are not Christian and do not know the bible, will have a place in heaven.

As He said, "In my father's house, there are many rooms."

There is a reason I chose my avator as Donna Reed. I think there is a great loss of mother figures from our society today. Mine was not emotionally available to me either

I have that same issue.. but it's more then just a mother. I crave that support from anyone I look up to.

i know how you feel, my mom still acts like nothing happened, instead i keep being told to forget it let it go. but how can i when she still lets this person in her life and never has said one single thing to him about it as far as he thinks no one no's anything so how do you deal with that? i personally don't have much to do with her or most of my family anymore than they act like i'm the enemy. oh she is just being all hormoneal or something like whatever, you no i got the problem not them well the hell with them..i got my kids and my husband now so i'm good..