Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
hi. I dont post much here. Mainly on the ptsd board. But something in me tells me i need to share this letter i wrote to fish face ( my little inner girl) here. Massive trigger warning.
Dear sad fish face,
I know your hurting but you deserve it. Your disgusting and a disgrace to your family. U were always so stupid and thick. Thats why he choose you, u were weak. He told you he only agreed to have another child because he wanted to abuse you. From the very day you were born you wernt good enough for anyone. The very first time he touched you, you should have told mummy. You know the pyhiscal pain he caused you trying to put two fingers in you when you just wernt big enough. You let him do it, he told you it would make you feel better and you let him do it. Your so thick for believing that. You should have known he would do again over and over. You let mummy get angry and storm out the house and leave you with him. Its your fault you upset her. You made her so upset and leave to go to therapy. If you hadnt upset her she wouldnt have stormed out and dad wouldnt hurt you so often. You let his alchy breath be all over you after he had been at the pub, you let him touch you till ud cry in pain, ud let him take photos of you naked, you let laugh in your face and be crawl to you. Your disgusting. Because of you my whole life i will suffer with PTSD and mental health issues when u could have simply told someone and made it stop. You could have been taken away to a nice family but you didnt want to protect yourself. Im so fucking pissed off with you, i hate you. You put up with the pain of being raped, u just told mummy u hurt below and she would give you a cold cloth to put down there. There was many chances to explain why you hurt down there. You didnt do it! Ur so fucking weak minded. You tried to please everyone but u let yourself be hurt, i hate you. I wish you had died that night when things took a bad turn. You knew dad had hit mummy. You didnt comfort her, you let her be sad on her own. You should have given her a hug. You made her distant and angry at you. You were never good enough, not to your family, to your teachers, for the bullys for no one. Even the doctor was sick of seeing you when you were ill with infections so often. She was cold with you because it was your own fault. What is wrong with you? Ur a fucked up piece of frozen shit with leaves frozen in on the path near the rubbish bin waiting to be swept up and chucked into the land fill to sufficate and never be seen or heard of ever again. Im so angry with you. If i could just cut you off from me id do it without a second thought. Now you pester me, you upset let you did to mummy, ur evil.why cant i be like mummy and have a temper and walk out on you and leave you? Leave me alone!
Fuck off and die fish face.
Sarah.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
Love Manda xxx
It is entirely up to the adult you to read something like this and comfort your inner child - the one writing this and the one it was written to - and let them know they have a right to be angry but not at each other - if you are not willing to parent them as you were never parented, then I agree with Carolin57 - it will hold you back from healing.