Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
So here it goes....
when I was seven my father passed away. when I was eight my uncle started to molest me. he would 'touch' me and tell me it was what uncles did to let their neices know they loved them. and neices had to touch back. i was a wreck, and when i think back i scold myself and tell myself that seven was old enough to know it was wrong. but i didnt. i felt abandoned by my father and my uncle was showing me attention that i craved.
it went on until i was almost eleven, i never told anyone.
then my older sister, who apparentley my uncle also liked to show his love too, spilled.
my aunt divorced him, he went to prison. my sister attented counselling. my family put it behind them and moved on. i still never told.
i am in a committed realtionship now. and after we had been together for about a year, i finally told.
i have a huge issue with a male touching me anywhere below the belt. PAP tests are a nightmare that i usually sob about before and after. there are next to no female doctors where i live.
my fiancee was great in the begginning. he told me it was okay, that he understood. we have been together for almost four years now, and it isnt okay.
it seems like i just cant get past it, no matter how hard i try. and it makes him upset. he thinks that i dont trust him.
i cant do counselling. i cant look at someone and tell them what happened. its hard enough to do it on here.
i dont know what to do anymore.
does it ever get better?? how do i get past this??
when I was seven my father passed away. when I was eight my uncle started to molest me. he would 'touch' me and tell me it was what uncles did to let their neices know they loved them. and neices had to touch back. i was a wreck, and when i think back i scold myself and tell myself that seven was old enough to know it was wrong. but i didnt. i felt abandoned by my father and my uncle was showing me attention that i craved.
it went on until i was almost eleven, i never told anyone.
then my older sister, who apparentley my uncle also liked to show his love too, spilled.
my aunt divorced him, he went to prison. my sister attented counselling. my family put it behind them and moved on. i still never told.
i am in a committed realtionship now. and after we had been together for about a year, i finally told.
i have a huge issue with a male touching me anywhere below the belt. PAP tests are a nightmare that i usually sob about before and after. there are next to no female doctors where i live.
my fiancee was great in the begginning. he told me it was okay, that he understood. we have been together for almost four years now, and it isnt okay.
it seems like i just cant get past it, no matter how hard i try. and it makes him upset. he thinks that i dont trust him.
i cant do counselling. i cant look at someone and tell them what happened. its hard enough to do it on here.
i dont know what to do anymore.
does it ever get better?? how do i get past this??
Of course your relationship is suffering and his 'lack of trust' of uncertainty is becomming stronger. He is feeling powerless as your illness effects how he sees himself too. Because he feels so close to you I thikn it is time to let him in a bit further (emotionally - try to let him know everyting you feel and why, unless doing so would only hurt him with no benefit).
gtg - sorry if this post is 'sketchy', but im falling asleep .. tired ..
best wishes
If you're not ready to do counseling yet then I hope that you'll continue to come to this website to find support. Healing is possible and getting past it is possible. It's just up to you how you want to do that.
Unfortunately, your relationship is going to get worse unless you take some serious steps to heal. As survivors we can be very destructive, without even knowing it. I hope for the best for you and your fiancee.
once you get more comfortable with your therapist, you can THEN begin to tackle some of the heavier issues, such as sex, intimacy, etc.
you might also try couples counseling, AFTER you have been seeing your own therapist for a while and have built up trust.
best wishes!