Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I was at a party a few months ago, I had a lot to drink and ended up sleeping on a living room floor. I woke up in the middle of the night to my best guy friend fingering me and trying to kiss me. I tried moving his hand multiple times and could not get him off of me. Eventually he tried to get me to go to a different room with him then I ran to the bathroom and locked the door to try to process what happened. I haven't told anyone except for my 2 best girl friends and my boyfriend. He has apologized several times for it and said it "wasn't him" and he has "no idea how or why it happened" and then it happened again at a halloween party recently, which absolutely no one knows about. It has affected my whole life as far as how I feel about myself, the way I trust others, and just my everyday life in general. All I want is an explanation from him or to know if he cares. He says he does care, but doesn't want to talk about it. The hardest part is he was my best friend and I have no idea what's going through his head. I then stopped taking my zoloft (50mg) and had very bad thoughts of ending my life, but my mom talked me out of both times & I haven't had any recently. I am just so lost as of what to do or how to cope. The messed up part is that I still genuinely care about him/his well being. Just wish I had an explanation.
So much I want to say because that is messed up he did that to you. And he did it twice.
I am mad he offended you and shows himself a coward to face your honest questions while trying to get himself a third chance to violate you?
SMH, I am so glad you talked about this, I wish I did back in the day with anyone but I didn’t so it took me a long time to figure it out and accept that meds, in may case, helps me and to not stop taking them. When I wanted to stop, I talked with my doctor and he helped me ween off so my system was okay. (I wanted to get pregnant.)
So good on you for keeping up with the meds, good your mom is there for you, good you shared those horrible moments. Good you got the words out of your mouth and it was scary and you are brave.
That “person” is not for your circle of trust. That person is banned. That person is now someone you grieve the loss of. Any happy moments or fun times you may have enjoyed with them is tarnished because they meant something to you, they knew it and took nasty advantage. That person’s feelings do not matter, ONLY YOURS matter. I am showing myself here to haven been a victim many times. I have needed professional help and medication to mend my broken mind. It takes a while to not have it be the main thing you think of every day. It takes longer than it did for that person who messed up what you considered a good relationship. Too bad for that person. They miss out on the best of you for as long as you decide. You are important, how dare that loser forget that? And finally, as a mom, my 7 y/o disclosed accidentally she was fingered by 12 y/o cousin because she didn’t want to take a bath that night… her fanny hurt, and it hurt to pee, and it was scary and painful for her to let me examine the area…
I am glad you told your mom. She’s mad too. She wants to do so much to punish him for what he did to her child. Stay strong, it’s okay to feel weak when this happens, but you are not, unfortunately, alone.
The absolute worst offenders are those whom we have developed relationships, who we trust, and then they use that trust to assault us Without severe consequences for his crime against you, he will very likely do the very same thing to others. Please do not think of this as you putting him in jail or prison, he is guilty and he is responsible, he betrayed your trust and literally committed a felony sex crime against you.
I would like to encourage you to go directly to the police, and also call a rape crisis hotline, and explain what happened, and follow the counsel they give you. The man whom you described as your best male friend is not your friend. He is a predator. It is not safe for him to roam free with no consequences for his actions, and it is not at all healthy for you to continue contact with him. (not safe for any woman or child to be in contact with him either for that matter)
I did restrict their access to me as i healed. I also moved far away from them. I know they loved me. They gave me an abundance of good things that have served me well in my life, and they also gave me an abundance of torment and despair. This is often the case with every person, receiving both good and evil from their imperfect parents.
A person such as your friend, it is possible to forgive but never ever again trust or give him access to you to harm you again in the same way. This is best for you both. You will keep him from harming you if you never allow him to be near you alone but, i would work on healing for a year or more before you consider allowing or trying to repair that so called friendship.
I hope this helps