Thanks for reading to all who read this. It's OK if you got bored and don't finish.

I have this employee that I sort of befriended. Sort of because I have always been cautions about how much I can trust people. I have always been kind to him, mindful of him.

However, I do not have a great standing at my job. I am a little isolated since there's a lot of nonsense going on and I am very protective of myself. So I'm not very popular and there have been a great deal of conflicts.

I did confide in him some of my frustrations, but I also confided in him that I have made a few mistakes myself and that I want to make work as good as possible, and that I am very happy to have a person to confide. Also, there has been some healing and mending. People have moved on including me.

In the year or so that he's been there, the group dynamic has evolved for the better. I have learned to manage me and the other people I supervise as well as my superiors well. So things are in fact looking better and feeling better now.

This week the guy has been working a little closer to me. I started noticing a little tension and feeling a little uneasy around him. I do know he has a temper, but I keep it professional and give him directives just like to the rest of the bunch that work for me.

I capitalized in the artificial harmony that goes on there, and I am not up for starting anything at work, so things are polite and peaceful.

So last Thursday he had to give a workshop with another of my employees. He did well and the other employee reported that everything went well. At the end of the day suddenly, he just barked in my office, yelled something about the projector and a laptop missing and said "I'M GOING HOME!".

I tried to follow him and he was just gone. The next day he called out and today he came back in the afternoon with a major attitude. He yelled "Either fire me or I'm making these phone calls!". So I told him that he, my supervisor and I have to talk. With major attitude, he continued being very beligerant and nasty. He was like in this angry zone. He looked like he couldn't hear anything, completely blinded by anger.

He kept saying that he was done and ready to go and started talking all kinds of nonsense about the things I confided to him, which were negative and about my supervisor who was there with us.

I kept my cool and continued bringing the subject matter back to him snapping and being disrespectful. He tried to keep pushing trying to make it about me and my negativity and "my misery" and all that I talked to him about. I continued refocusing on what the meeting was about again and again, which was he snapping and being disrespectful.

My supervisor listened and said very little, but he said that we all have frustrations, and that he wants to make sure that he has what he needs to work. I took the opportunity to "kill him with kindness" by saying that there's absolutely nothing bad that anyone has to say about him, that we value what he does and contributes, that we do care for his well standing, and want to continue working with him. "We're on the same side here" I said.

Then I brought it back to the issue which was that he cannot just snap and be disrespectful to people. Then he started babbling about not being full-time, and me having some kind of ploy with another employee with whom I'm friendly, and once again I continued bringing it back to him snapping, not paying attention to his nonsense.

He then tried to monopolize the conversation by wanting to end the meeting and saying that nothing got accomplished. I said that I'm not done and that something is being directly addressed, which is him snapping and being disrespectful. "We can talk about everything you want to complain about later, but this time we are addressing you snapping and being disrespectful". I reinforced telling him that I want to move forward and continue working with him and look for ways to avoid situations like this.

My supervisor had to leave to another meeting so we agreed to meet again tomorrow.

So I feel like I handled this thing well. The thing is that I feel like "tables turned". That snapping and that anger and that inability to listen is all to familiar to me. I kept (OK, I looked like I kept) my cool for the rest of the afternoon.

The reality is that I am still shaken because of it, I do know that I'll have to have a conversation with my supervisor at some point (not a big concern) about what he said I said about him and the director, but that's besides the point.

The nerve that this asshole have! I have tried the most I can to get him full-time status, I am nice to him, I have given him no reason for him to do what he did. I feel very bad about the entire situation, but feel good that (a) I'm not the one making an ass of myself (b) I am the supervisor; he's my employee (c) most importantly, this shows PTSD in action. This shows how far a way I've come in managing all the interpersonal relationships problems I have had in the past thanks to all my issues of abuse, a cult, PTSD and OCD.

I don't want him fired (yet). And I actually feel sorry for him since I know a little about his story and i can see he's in denial not about being disrespectful, but the way he has snapped at people before and at me the other day.

Anyway, writing this makes me feel a lot better. And I have to give kudos to me because I do see that so many years of therapy, self-help and support groups are finally paying off.