When I was 6 years old, I had to have surgery on my private parts. A few days after the surgery, I remember the nurse coming into my room. She asked me if I wanted cream on my penis and I said no. (It wasn't my penis that was sore) Later that day y mother asked me the same question and again I said no. Well my mom over ruled me and told the nurse to put some cream on it anyway. So the curtain got closed and my mom watched while the nurse literally massaged a ton of cream on my penis. I remember it feeling good and I got a little erection and the nurse and my mom just looked at each other and smiled while the nursed continued to massage cream all over my penis.

I went through alot of pain because back in those days surgery was kinda crude compared to today but despite the pain, I remember that penis massage being pleasurable. I think that throughout my life, I always sought to have sex or masturbate whenever I was in physical or emotional pain and I think it might be the result of that experience when I was only 6 years old. In my teen years especially, I believe I may have had a sex addiction and one of my early relationships was literally destroyed oyed by the sex addiction. She and I both were sex addicts and sex was the most important thing in our lives way ahead of everything else.

Back to the surgery, as I remember, there had been alot of bleeding and alot of dried blood which had never been washed off. Why, I don't now. It actually did have something to do with the area in general but not to my penis. I think they just thought there was chafing however it felt fine and I told them that.

It's really not that big of a deal to me. I am older and more aware and able tom tie things together and understand the why's and why nots of my behavior. I was just wondering how people define abuse and what crosses the line and what doesn't.