I want to thank you for your support. I think it is wonderful to see that you are so caring and understanding towards your wife and I think it's great that you want to help other as well. After being abused I think many of us feel like no one could ever want to be with us, what man would ever want to deal with all of our baggage? You not only offer support, but you also show that it is possible to find love after abuse. You show us that there are caring men out there who will be patient and supportive and will care for us in spite of our issues.

I hope your wife is doing well in getting past everything that she's been through. Thank you again.

Yes, you're welcome here.

you're totally welcome by my standards.

I think it's wonderful that you're so supportive of your wife and what she's been through, and you are more than welcome here.

Thank you all for your positive feedback ! It really means alot to me. Having 4 sisters a fine young daughter leaving for college in the fall my wife and my dear Mom in my life I'm one lucky man.

However, I'm extremely angry and frustrated daily to see the injustice being done to Sexual Abuse victims/survivors. I want to be an advocate for change, and believe me I'm doing something daily about that.

One of my attorney/survivor friends and I are starting to help survivors sue for damages. She knows first hand what it means to be a survivor and I know how to support and help families deal with some of the issues.

Also I have formed a group here on DS for Partners of Survivors to help them support their survivors....

Thank you again for such positive responses !!

Absolutely welcome. It means so much to us survivors to have support around us especially from people who havent been abused by try to understand and want to help anyway.
Your wife is fortunate to have a caring man like you.
Child abuse is really hard to heal from. Its something that will affect you for the rest of your life. There are things out there that can help us heal and reach peace including therapy, journalling, medication, exercise, yoga, meditation and other therapies such as EMDR for PTSD, EFT, hypnosis.......
Survivors have trust issues and can see the world as a bad place and may have mental illnesses such as depression so trying to lead a positive, healthy lifestyle can help. This includes surrounding yourself with caring, supportive, positive people and distancing yourself from people who arent like that, exercise, hobbies, basically doing things that make you happy and distract you from bad thoughts. We can also have self-esteem issues so its good to continuously work on this, catch yourself out when you are being hard on yourself and change it into a positive, love yourself and be your best friend, treat yourself with respect. Just because some sicko treated us like we were just garbage doesnt mean that we should too.
You probably know alot of this already but partners should be sensitive to the survivor because there can be many triggers to the abuse such as some sexual positions or sex in general, you should never pressure them to do anything they dont feel comfortable with even if it can get frustrating for you Im sure. Be a support for them but if it gets to much for you suggest therapy for them if this is something they are comfortable with or suggest they maybe lean on other people too such as family or friends who they trust. The book 'The Courage to heal' is good for survivors and supporters to read for better understanding for all. Dont ever stoop so low to use the abuse against the person such as in an argument and dont go telling other people about the abuse unless you have asked the survivor's permission first and respect them if they ask you not to tell other people (unless its a child or other children are at risk of the abuser).
I really respect decent partners of survivors because we do require extra care because we do have a hard time in life following abuse and can have so many issues.
Good luck to you and your wife

I only wish more spouses would join our group. I think it would be nice for the survivors to see what our spouses go through and vice versa. You are more than welcome here, as your wife's abuse doesn't just affect her, it affects you as well.

You are more than welcome to be here! I can see the way that what I have been through has effected the people I know and I know that we all need support!! Thank you for wanting to be here and wanting to try to help!!!!:) One day I hope to find a man that will support me! Lol so far they have all ran!:)

Yes, you are welcome. The more points of view, the better! Hugs.

You are more then welcome. Your wife is truly lucky to have you in her life. This site will hopefully help you better understand the emotions your wife may be going through. You both are in my prayers!

Yes it did send me a message attack me for being here... I know it is here for trouble. I woke up this morning thinking of Serinity it's here to cause trouble. Once again I can't relate to what you all go through, however I do know one thing for sure and that is for each & everyone of my friends here Serenity is extremely elusive.....

Happy Mothers Day to all my mother survivors

Peace & Happiness

I'd also like to say that it means so much to me personally that you showed enough respect for us and what we've been through, to ask us if your presence here was ok, rather than just lurking and invading our privacy. Thank you (again) for your support for your wife and the rest of us as well.

YoYoY

Yes SW did message me in a very mean spirited way that both my wife and I knew nothing about what it means to be a survivor and partner. That was why I put this thread up here. If I'm not welcome the last thing I want to do is make anyone of you feel uncomfortable.

I thought IT (SW) was mean, I think it was dispicable for IT to continue ITS venom at all of you. It really ticked me off when I woke up this morning and thought about it for just a second. I know IT was a troll trying to incite friends of mine. You all know first hand, and I know from trying to help my wife to mock you about serinity how dare IT. Each and every one of you beautiful souls deserve respect,love,nurturing, which I know has been something most of you have never gotten. You all deserve it but some heartless soul/s stole it from you.

I hope I don't hurt any of your feelings with this post. I would like to give you a little background about myself, and why I hope you can feel more comfortable. You all know you can check out this info. I was raised in a family with 8 children 4 boys & 4 girls. We grew up right outside the gates of Disneyland. My father was a professional and my Mom was a stay at home Mom. Dad got home from work every night at 6:30 would help us all with homework spend time playing while Mom would do the same. Dad or Mom never missed any of mine or my siblings games or school functions. Unless Dad was out of town as he had to travel often which was difficult for all of us. We did not have any abuse in our family at all,and got everything we needed in the love department. I say this for one reason and one reason only, there is where my intentions come from. I hurt for wife especially because her family is so very dysfuntional. My wifes family is a family of secrecy, my family was a family of transperancy. We had all the love & essiantials but little frills. Christmas was awesome and our birthdays were great but other then that there was not very much. We all went to the same Catholic grade school & High School I guess that is where the money went. I would not change anything about my childhood, I know how fortunate I am.

My Mom & Dad still live in the same house we all grew up in. They have lived there for almost 60 years now. We all just got back from there after having brunch. We all love, respect, enjoy each others company. Most of us have kids and they all get along.

My 2 sons took their Mom to a baseball game today in Long Beach where my son graduated from college. The nickname of their team is the Dirtbags, and we support them. That is why when I refer to perps. I never call them dirtbags, I always call them scumbags. I hate what they do to other human beings, my friends.

I wrote this so you could have a better feel about me, you will know where I am coming from when we communicate... I hope I didn't offend any of you.

Happy Mothers Day to all you Mothers !!!!

Sincerely,

its great you want to help her, so welcome

tomram you do not offend in fact you show that there are still good people in this world with good values. My fiance came from a very loving family too. His Dad is a pilot and his mom stayed home both him and his sister were adopted. He knows nothing about what I went through personaly and tries so hard to help me the best way he can. I however don't know how to always to comunicate with him, his life seemed like a fairy tale to me so I can't relate. It is nice to have the spouse of another survivor on here who can help some of us better communicate with those who don't know how to tell those who havn't been through anything like this. See his parents didn't even know anyone who had been through what I had his mom had only seen these things on TV I love her but again it is hard to open up to those who havn't been there. You are a great person and again your wife is truly lucky.
We all have been having run ins with the troll or It whatever "she" is and all she is is poison to those of us trying to heal. Don't let her get to too much. She had sent a message to my sister and one other person here telling them to sit in on a court session. My experience is that at least in our case it was a closed court. You can't just walk in on a session. Real life isn't like tv. Sorry got a little off topic something about the troll just makes me feel uneasy.
A little about me... I was s.a from the ages of 14-18 by my mom's b/f and he also abused both my sisters. Shortly after I turned 18 I went to the cops and filed a report, long story short he is serving up to 36 years in prison and it has taken me 7 years to really start healing and I started healing because of my son and because of God. I hope we are able to help you and I hope I can learn from you. God Bless you and your wife.