There is no easy solution to this kind of situation. Your brother denies what he did and turns it around into what was wrong with you. It doesn't sound like he's ready to deal with the truth - and he may never be ready to deal with the truth. It would take a lot of courage to own what he did and apologize for it. It would take a lot of courage to own up to whatever issues he has, because that kind of behavior is not normal. And it doesn't sound like he has that kind of courage.

If you tell the rest of your family they will choose to believe you or to believe him. If there is a secret sickness in your family that no one wants to face, they will choose to believe him because his storyline is simple and puts all the blame on you.

You can't "restore" your family because it's not the family you thought it was. But you can take care of yourself and heal from the abuse. All of your family will benefit from your healing, whether they face the abuse in your past or not.

My mother knows and somehow she’s chosen not to take a side. She believes me but she also doesn’t have any resentment towards him for what he did. My father can barely deal with my depression so I’m not telling him about this. I’m tired of hearing that somehow it’s my fault that I have all these issues with my brother. And I feel like I can’t heal unless I can confront him about this. We’ve always been open with each other, this is the one thing he won’t even talk about. Did I make the whole event up?

I seriously doubt you made anything up. I am glad your mother is supporting you but it is hurtful that she doesn't hold any resentment towards him for what he did. Part of that may be her own guilt for not doing anything about it when it happened or not being able to protect you from this situation. I also wonder if she knows why your brother did this, i.e. perhaps she knows he was abused by someone and 'understands his behavior' as a result of it. Which of course does not make it right or acceptable.

I think anyone who has been abused understands that feeling of not being able to heal until a confrontation or admission by the abuser is received. You can heal without it though - as many of us have had to do. You can't force him to face what he did - as DW said he doesn't have the courage to face it right now or perhaps ever. The only thing you can do is heal yourself and that is definitely possible. I would suggest that you don't try to heal alone though. If you can you should work with a therapist who can help you navigate all the feelings you are having and help you process them. You can heal and you deserve to heal.

Thank you LuckyEmpath that just makes so much sense what you said about my mother "understanding" his behavior or feeling guilt. I hadn't thought about it that way at all. I am working with a therapist and it's going really good, over a year now but it still terrifies me to have to "play nice" with him over the holidays.

It is terrible that you must still see him and pretend everything is ok. That is not fair to you at all. Since it appears that he will not admit what happened and will continue to wear blinders while visiting with family it may be time for you to skip some family events. I know that sounds harsh and is so utterly unfair to you but protecting yourself from him is a priority. Maybe you can start having your own family gatherings at your house with everyone except him? Would that be possible?

I just want t
I say this “DO WE HAVE THE SAME BROTHER”!?! About 4 years ago I went home for Christmas and we had a family get together at my grandparents. My sister in law confided in me about everything that goes on with their marriage (my abusive brother and her). My sister in law was sad and said hey you would only take your brothers side and I told her ahhh no I wouldn’t. I asked her not to say anything to my brother or anyone because it was so long ago. She looked at me and said I won’t tell anyone. A moment later she told everyone at the party and I asked her why she did that. Stone cold she said to me you told me not to tell your brother. I was so upset and mad. I drank a lot sooooo you know things came out of my mouth and my sister who also was abused by him tackled me to the ground. She screamed at me that I should have shut up I am the one to blame for this coming back out in the open. She said I should have left it buried.

Long story short he denied it and stopped talking to me totally he pretends I am dead. I know the feeling

Reading this and seeing that I'm not alone helped me tremendously. My older brother began molesting me when our parents got a divorce (so I was 7 and he was 9 almost 10). He did it until I began going to Jr. High, and it was like my brain shut down. I dunno how to explain it, but it was as if my brain threw it away the bad things he did to me?? It wasn't until I gotten into my first serious relationship two years ago (I was 18) that the memories started to come back in flashes. I thought I was just making it up, ya know? It didn't feel real at first, but honestly why the hell would my own mind do that? The dreams haunted me every night and I was so sure I was going crazy when one day my brother came up to me and got really close to me. He asked me,"Do you want to wrestle, it'll be just like old times." And then laughed. He freaking laughed in my face, like it was some type of twisted joke. I have never felt more ashamed and worthless in my entire life. I only recently admitted to my parents what happened, but one believes I'm making it all up for attention and the other says I should just get over it. I almost wish I could forget it all again...

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve gone through something like this. But you are alone; Ive been there, I am there and I’m struggling as well.
I want to forget but I won’t let him step on me anymore; he’s a grown man who needs to step up to what he did. My suggestion to you is talk to a physiologist who can help YOU handle YOUR emotions and complications. If your parents are not help as mine aren’t then deal with what you can and let rest what you can't