Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I want to say first that it isnt me but my daughter that was sexually abused. I dont know for how long as she wont talk to me about it. Ten days ago I woke up in the middle of the night, still dont know why but something didnt feel right and my husband wasnt in the bed. I figured i would check on the kids and then see if i could find him, figuring he was in his man cave. Everything was ok with the kids till i got to Rachel's room. The door was closed but i could hear sounds from it so i opened it up. I found my husband raping my daughter. I still dont know how in the heck i got him off of her but i told him to get the hell out and when he tried to hit me i punched him. i called 911 and then called my mom so that she could watch my other kids. My soon to be ex husband is in jail now.
Rachel is only nine and durring all that went on that night she was in a frozen like state. She didnt talk to anyone, and when she did what we asked of her it was like she was in a trance. A day after this occured she has been acting like normal but when i try to bring her up cause i know shes holding it in and its not doing her any good she just says it didnt happen and leaves the room. I dont know what to do right now.
On top of all this my other kids are asking where daddy is and why they cant see him. ive been able to avoid answering them for the moment but i have to tell them something, but how do i tell them? how much do i tell them?
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
For now, I think you can gently tell your kids something like their dad has made some negative choices and needs to get help that specialized people will have to give to him, and that just as they are disciplined when they disobey the rules, he disobeyed and is being disciplined as well.
I would also suggest that you find out where the nearest child advocacy center is to you, and have your daughter, and possibly the other kids, evaluated there. They specialize in establishing a rapport with abused kids, and counseling them using age appropriate methods, like art, music, and play therapy to get them to express their feelings and memories. You and your kids should also be eligible for services through the victims of crime compensation office in your state. You are a secondary victim, and utilizing services for all of you can help you navigate getting through this difficult time and get a plan in place to work toward healing. My heart goes out to your daughter, her reaction isn't unusual. Make sure she knows you love her unconditionally, and she did nothing wrong, that you will support her and protect her no matter what. Here's another great resource site to check out, I and many others have found it invaluable: http://mosac.net/
My thoughts and prayers go out to you, I hope this is helpful. Glad you reached out for support...
I want to thank you for what you did to protect your daughter. So many of us were silenced and never protected even once we told the truth. What you did makes you a hero in my mind.
I agree with everything bandmom5 has said and could not have said any of it any better. ((Hugs))
I can't really add any helpful advice and have no experience with this scenario. I will say that it's been shown that people who have been traumatized have LESS PTSD if they are not coaxed to talk about the trauma and the details of it immediately afterwards. Maybe your daughter is doing what she needs to do to repair her sense of reality. I am sure that she will be ready to deal with it at some point but it might be better for her not to have to deal with it right now.
Nevertheless, I think that you can say to her that nothing that happened was her fault and that you love her just the same as ever and always will. I thought I saw someone else suggest this to you but reading over the responses I don't see it, so excuse me if I am repeating someone else.
I also thank you for so fiercely defending your daughter. You have no idea how many moms have turned a blind eye to what they didn't want to see.