Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I don't know how much this will help, but I'm taking a chance and posting this out for others to see.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that I was sexually abused as a child, and that I've suppressed the memories. Over the past year and a half, the truth has started to emerge, all starting with a very kind woman asking if I'd been abused after I described my feelings to her. I completely refused that as an option. Of course I'd never been abused! Yet, I found myself almost telling her yes instinctively.
I feel ridiculous typing this all out. Part of me feels like I'm making this all up for attention or something. I know I'm not, though.
I am a Christian, as a side note, and I have been praying a lot and reading the Bible. I'm finding a lot of solace in the Word and with my friends and family. I've finally started talking to people about this during the past week, and I plan on starting counseling next week.
I feel like things are shifting now that I've started admitting the truth to myself. I'm beginning to see that there is a brick wall in my head with these memories on the other side. I don't know who did this, or how young I was. I do know that I match a lot (and I mean, MOST) of the symptoms I've found about sexually abused children. It makes a lot of sense, honestly, and is an answer to long-standing questions like "What's wrong with me? Why do I think like this/do these things?"
I feel in some ways that when I was abused, part of me stayed that broken, scared child-- and that's what I feel like now, in my 20s, the world spinning chaotically around me.
I know the Lord has a plan, and that this is only the beginning. I don't have to be afraid anymore. I just have to keep pressing on, keep trusting and loving others, and finally start dealing with these demons that at long last have a name.
I was sexually abused as a child. It is so hard to type that. But it's true, and how powerful such simple words are! Not "I think..." or "I believe..." but "I was". It is a fact. And it is so good to admit the truth, even if it's terrifying.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that I was sexually abused as a child, and that I've suppressed the memories. Over the past year and a half, the truth has started to emerge, all starting with a very kind woman asking if I'd been abused after I described my feelings to her. I completely refused that as an option. Of course I'd never been abused! Yet, I found myself almost telling her yes instinctively.
I feel ridiculous typing this all out. Part of me feels like I'm making this all up for attention or something. I know I'm not, though.
I am a Christian, as a side note, and I have been praying a lot and reading the Bible. I'm finding a lot of solace in the Word and with my friends and family. I've finally started talking to people about this during the past week, and I plan on starting counseling next week.
I feel like things are shifting now that I've started admitting the truth to myself. I'm beginning to see that there is a brick wall in my head with these memories on the other side. I don't know who did this, or how young I was. I do know that I match a lot (and I mean, MOST) of the symptoms I've found about sexually abused children. It makes a lot of sense, honestly, and is an answer to long-standing questions like "What's wrong with me? Why do I think like this/do these things?"
I feel in some ways that when I was abused, part of me stayed that broken, scared child-- and that's what I feel like now, in my 20s, the world spinning chaotically around me.
I know the Lord has a plan, and that this is only the beginning. I don't have to be afraid anymore. I just have to keep pressing on, keep trusting and loving others, and finally start dealing with these demons that at long last have a name.
I was sexually abused as a child. It is so hard to type that. But it's true, and how powerful such simple words are! Not "I think..." or "I believe..." but "I was". It is a fact. And it is so good to admit the truth, even if it's terrifying.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
I also blocked out all my memories - for 30 years - and got many of them back little by little during therapy. When I had my first flashback I couldn't believe that what I was seeing actually happened to me. I went into denial for 6 months even though the flashbacks continued. It is hard to believe that sexual abuse happens to you. My therapist would say "why don't you believe what you are seeing?" and I innocently replied "Because that happens to other people, not to me". I couldn't possibly believe that I would be able to block out something so terrible for son long. But I did - like so many people here have.
I went a long time asking those same questions "What is wrong with me?" or "Why does watching this show on tv bother me so much?" and it was things that didn't seem to bother other people. Then, once I finally remembered, it all made so much sense.
So glad to see you are starting counseling. Your healing process will move along quicker once you start. Feel free to post as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. There are many caring understanding and supportive people here.
Take care
I so completely understand what you're saying, LuckyEmpath, about not thinking it could have happened to me. And those questions about "Why does this show, book, etc, bother me so much?"-- yes! It makes a lot of sense now that I'm starting to come to grips with these things.
And that makes sense, donnawanda, especially what you said about the things you've written. I wrote a lot of terrible, twisted, very sexual things growing up, not really thinking about the source, just thinking I had an active imagination-- and I grew up pretty conservatively, without really dating or being physical with guys ever. Of course all that darkness came from something. A child with no sexual experience does not just start writing about sexual abuse. Wow!
Thank you so much, Lilyrising :) Just reading my posts and being encouraging helps me so very much.
I'm so thankful to not be alone! Bless you all.
Warm gentle hugs