Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I'm new here and to dealing with sexual abuse memories I have ignored forever. I'm in my 30's and a mother of 2. I started to remember bits of abuse by my father before age 6. I have lots of body memories but I'm so scared to "see" the memories I feel are replaying in the back of my mind. I'm in therapy. Plagued with intimacy issues all my life, I am desperate to connect with my husband who is so loving and supportive but every time we have sex I feel strangled, pinned down, irritated. I only admitted these memories in the last few months which lead to therapy starting (for 2nd time in my life) 2 months ago. First time got to real after about a year or so and I stopped going. I feel so confused about my broken memories. I've numbed out my entire life until now and I want to regain power over my life to finally feel again. Anger and fear and anxiety have led to me blocking everything. I feel so scared. I feel like there's a wall and behind it I know the memory lives and I can't "see" it so when it comes up I just black out in my mind. I know this bc I feel myself doing it and I try to figure it out and I can't but I know it's there. Has anyone experienced this? My therapist said I should join a support group through this process.
I believe I also have blocked memories, and I know how scary it is to feel something is going to be revealed. But as my friend here has reminded me, we have already lived through the worst of it and so we can definitely survive the healing. It may help to remind yourself that whatever happened happened a long time ago and you are safe now.
About your experience of sex currently - maybe you would enjoy it more if you were in a position of control? You probably won't feel pinned down if you are on top.
Ashamed 42. It's maybe the scariest thing I've done and I'd done a lot to push myself out of my comfort zone... but, nothing here on this topic. It is just so hard when everything feels so confusing. Now, I have kids and I feel the pressure of needing to be repress in order to help care for them (maintain a happy face) but it's a defeating idea. I realize the best thing I can do for them, and me, is this... I just wish I had the ability to just deal with it and move on but my mind has a different timeline than my impatient self... My therapist talks about the inner child in me and needing to nurture her but I don't even know what that even means... I don't feel an inner child in me.
I don't know how your work is manifesting in relation to your kids, but it might be a good idea to explain to them that mommy is working through something that happened long before you were born and she is going to be fine. Because kids always assume that any "problem" is their fault, so if mommy seems unhappy it must be their fault.
Open to the idea. I just have to find. Way to start. I have a 1 year old girl and a 6 year old boy who is wise beyond his years. He does internalize everything around him. As if my life isn't complicated enough for him, his Dad- my dear husband- was diagnosed with bipolar the same time I finally started therapy. He got "jealous" I got to see a qualified therapist and finally started his journey to understanding himself. I think it's a good idea to tell my son. I'm not totally sure how much I should tell him but he's is definitely aware when I'm struggling and I make stuff up and I don't want him growing up confused or detached. Since I started therapy, and since my husband started medication, I have seen the most positive change in him. He engages in a lot of negative self talk. He's slowly finDing other ways to express his frustration and disappointment. We had him evaluated by the school district at the end of K bc we thought he needed special ed help. Turned out he is literally brilliant and beyond his age bracket with ability yet something is holding him back... I feel like I just emerged from a dark cave so I am
Positive I have affected him and I'm so happy to finally face my past so I don't have to stifle my son's.
It sounds like your family is really growing, together. That's awesome! Not easy, but awesome.