I wish it were as simple as just forgetting about or "just getting over it", but its not. When the abuse happened you felt lots of horrible feelings that you probably didnt allow youreslf to feel. Or, the person who abused you scared you into not feeling them. Then, when you finally spoke your truth, you were silenced again. All those feelings need to come out and be felt. I have found that healing only begins once you start feeling all those long buried emotions. Its scary and its hard work but it worth it.

The world would not be better off without you. In fact, I thought of you today and said a prayer that you were doing ok. Im sure I am not the only person here who cares what happens with you. There are lots of caring people here. Please hang in there and keep talking to us. We will help as best as we can.

Take care.

When bad things happen to you during childhood, you don't "get over it", far from it. It becomes part of you. Recent research in neurology has shown that abuse of a child causes permanent changes to the child's brain that will never go away.

All we can do is learn to accommodate and cope...and try to compensate. I believe things can get better, but I don't think anyone who has been abused as a child "gets over it".

Always remember that these feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness are things we were taught to feel. And what we were taught was wrong. We have just as much right to live and have a place in society as anyone else.

I know it doesn't feel that way, but it's the truth.

Yeah unfortunately when we arte abused every single cell is stained and that stain is passed onto new cells so it is literally impossible to simply "be over it". Perhaps it might be an idea to talk to your dr and ask if you can try a new anti depressant. There are so many out there that different ones work for different people. While I don't think of the people on my friends list all the time they are not on my friends list for nothing. I only have a few dozen friends star and you are one of them. I look at my home page straight away as soon as I log on to see if my friends have posted anything so that I can come and reply to their post.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND YOU WOULD BE MISSED!!!!!!!!!!!

star755,

Current research on the brain indicates that it is very malleable and that changes can be made. Daniel Amen, M.D. has written two books you may find useful:

1. Change Your Brain Change Your Life: the breakthrough program for conquering anxiety, depression, obsessiveness, anger and impulsiveness.

2. Change Your Brain Change Your Body: Boost your brain to improve your weight, skin, heart, energy and focus.

Norman Doidge, M.D. has also written on the power of brain changes: The Brain That Changes Itself. And Oliver Sacks, M.D., and neurologist, commented on Doidge's book saying,

"...Doidge's book is a remarkable and hopeful portrait of the endless adaptability of the human brain."

I too, believe the brain's neural passages can be changed. Probably the most notable person to illustrate the adaptability of the brain is Jill Bolte Taylor who wrote My Stroke of Insight. It took her eight years to recover speech, movement, etc., but she succeeded....

I believe survivors can also succeed in make brain changes. Memories may stay, but those memories will no longer trigger reactions.

Don't give up. Do all you can do to heal yourself. Find out what works for you and do it. I agree with LuckyEmpath that it's important to feel your feelings and add that it's important to express them in safe places. And yes, it can be scary and is definitely hard work...but there are not enough words in the English language to tell you how worth it it is.

You can heal.
xx
SuzA

I can tell you the one thing that got me through my life, is the Lord and the one thing that is gonna get me through is the Lord. Knowing he is there for me. I know him as my personal Saviour and have for a long time. I clung to Him because he was the only one to help me. He was my soft place to fall. Here is the Romans road
Romans 3:10 As it is written, there is none righteous no not one;
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.
Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 10:9 That if thou confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
Romans10:3 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."
This is to me the best medicine. I called upon him and he gave me the strength to survive and has given me the strength to keep going. I will pray you are helped and pray for your nightmares.

Hi thanks for all your replys I wish I could believe I would be missed but I just don't think I would be, I really think my family an friends would be better off if I was no longer here not that I would do anything but I just can't get myself out of this pit of depression I feel.

Depression is very hard to get out of because it's exhausting and it takes a lot of effort to get out of it. But it can be done. Depression feeds on negative thoughts. The more negative we think, the deeper the depression goes - the deeper it goes, the more negative we think. It's a vicious circle. The best way to beat it is to try hard to think positive. It's not an easy task but I feel you can do it. Being conscious of how you are thinking and recognizing the negative thoughts is the fist step. Once you recognize them it's a matter of changing them to positive thoughts. I started small when doing this. I first eliminated some trigger words for me like 'always' and 'everyone' as in "everyone always hates me when they meet me." Of course not EVERYONE hated me. So I would recognize I used the words and then change them to "Everyone usually likes me when they meet me".

My therapist would ask you "has your family said that they would be better off without you?" Or do you just believe it to be true? Where is the truth in the statement? Is the truth that they have said this to you? Or is the truth that you only believe it yourself? It makes a big difference because it slants your view.

Ultimately you have to want to get out of the depression so bad that you are willing to do the work to free yourself. It can be done. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but it can be done. One small step at a time. One positive thought at a time.

I want to get out of the depression because of what happen to me but its hard as I still live in the house and the area where most of the abuse happen and can't afford to move out at this time so I don't know what I can do to get myself out of this depression because I am reminded of the sexual abuse every day I just nee someone in my corner who believes me and someone I can talk too about what I am going through thanks for caring and for your replys they mean a lot to me just to know I'm not alone.

I'm sure it does make it harder to be surrounded with the memories of the abuse. Leaving all that behind will probably help but it will not heal you completely. The memories and, more importantly the feelings associated with the memories, will still be there. The positive thinking I'm talking about, and can be found in the books that SuzA66 mentioned, will help you a great deal. Even in the environment you are in you can still start to heal by doing the work necessary to heal.

Keep talking to us here. You have lots of support on DS.

I used to go through periods of deep depression. It is an awful feeling but each time it has passed. Sometimes our emotions can't be trusted. Sometimes they lie to us. I don't struggle so much with the depression anymore but I struggle with anger. I come here and vent. People are very supportive here so keep coming back.

SuzA66...thanks for mentioning those books. I am glad to hear that there is proof that we are not saddled with permanent changes. I needed to hear that tonight :-)

Hi thanks again for all your replys, I just keep in thinking about happen to me all the time and ask myself why me what did I do that so wrong that I had to be used and abused like that. Was there something about me that said yes I would be easy to control and scare into keeping quiet about what he was doing to me. Well he did a goo job scaring me to keep quiet which I did for years and when I did tell my parents I wasn't believed so yes he a very good job what can I do to try and start the healing process, I know I need start but I feel the abuse was my fault like I led him in somehow I'm so confused about what I am feeling I just don't know what to do.

You did nothing wrong. No one who is abused did anything to deserve the abuse. But I did also ask this question of my therapist. I'm sure many do. It's part of the feeling that it is our fault that it happened. But it isn't your fault - it's HIS fault. You were a child and he was an adult. the adult is responsible for the abuse, not the child.

Repetition worked for me. Every time I caught myself saying "I must have done something wrong to deserve this" I would immediately change that thought to "I am a good person and I was a good girl. I did nothing to deserve the abuse". The more often I said this to myself, the more it became my truth. And it is the truth - I really didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. No child does.

The wonderful people here on DS will tell you that it was not your fault and we will continue to tell this to you until you believe it. You can heal from this Star. You really can. The first step is to keep telling yourself that it was not your fault. You did nothing wrong.

Take care

It wan't your job to stop it.
It was his not to do it.
It was not your fault.
...None of us deserved what happened to us.

I just really need to put what happen to me when I was growing up but it's not that easy I feel sick because of what happen I'm sick of hating myself and I can't help but feel dirty because my body reacted to his touch and I know my body only did what it is met to do whe it is being touched that way, but it doesn't make it any easier to bear I just can't help the way that I feel

What everyone here has said is true. It takes a lot of work and a lot of emotions will surface. As far as the nightmares go, there is medication you can take that will stop the nightmares. I am on prazosin for nightmares and I haven't had any since I've been on it. It is actually a blood pressure med but for some reason it stops nightmares. It may be worth talking to your Dr. about.