Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

3,544 Members
16,257 Posts
0 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Sexual Abuse Support Group

FEAR

CrimsonTears
CrimsonTears
is it wong that i am too sccared to sleep? Is it wrong that even tho he hasnt touched me in years im afraid ima wake up with him on top of me? Is it wrong that my body liked how it felt? It was my first time he stole my virginity, he got me pregnant at 12 he made me miscarry after 3 months he ruined my childhood. And when I had sex with my ex I saw his face. I thought of him I actually compared it to my rape and thought the rape felt better. HOW SICK AM I? Hes my fkn cousin and I liked it. Im so scared of anyone every finding out that cuz they already hate me for letting it happen and reporting it. he stole 3 years of my life ill never get back why cant i get him out of my brain? Why do i live everyday in fear? WHY??? IM SO FKD UP
deleted_user
deleted_user
Because in order to start healing, the battle starts with handling how fucked up we may be, accepting it and going, "Haha, I don't think so. "

Trust me, I might be the most fucked up ever but the whole point of being that way is to learn and teach ourselves to stand up, kind like when you're a baby Gotta take it one step at a time. Hell you think that whole thing is wrong. I know I'd openly cry if my abuser died. -- I hate him -- But he was my best friend before hand so I know I'd cry.

Everyone's got their own version of weird thoughts, but that's the point, it's a dealing with I guess. I don't know if that makes sense but, don't down yourself because you think it's wrong. Just be.
sadave46
sadave46
Because you didn't tell doesn't make it your fault...neither does the fact that you responded....that is not uncommon and is a shame you do not have to carry. How your body responded doesn't alter the "real" issue here....you were a child and were taken advantage of and abused.
deleted_user
deleted_user
First you are not sick, it was your first sexual expierence, which navigates our likes and dislikes related to sex. Find a therapist to help you through this, it will get better. and fuck those people who are pissed at you for telling. I wish I would have told, then maybe I wouldn't have had it happen over and over again, and I could have spared other children my pain. Stand tall!!!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
First you are not sick, it was your first sexual expierence, which navigates our likes and dislikes related to sex. Find a therapist to help you through this, it will get better. and fuck those people who are pissed at you for telling. I wish I would have told, then maybe I wouldn't have had it happen over and over again, and I could have spared other children my pain. Stand tall!!!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Just because your body responded doesn't mean you liked it. I had an orgasm one time that my father raped me. But that doesn't mean I liked it. It means my body was stimulated in a specific way and responded the way it was designed to respond.

You should be proud of yourself for speaking out. Don't let others intimidate you into silence. Its when we speak out that we take our power back.

You can recover from this. You can have a good life. It is possible. From reading your profile, it looks like you're doing all the right things. It takes time. One thing that I found really helpful when I was beginning my recovery journey was the book "The Courage to Heal". It was a lifesaver.

Please be gentle with yourself. (((HUG)))