Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Custody and Visitaion

awol83
awol83
Hi folks. I need some help. I am the father of a beautiful little girl who's 5 right now. Her mother and i just filled for divorce on Thursday and we will be heading to court in June. Hes what happened. My ex wife told me that she was sexually abused by her step dad, and then she said she wasn't and that her memory's were just dreams. Well not sure whether or not it happened, i went ahead and put restrictions on how much my daughter got to see and be around him. We all were living in the same town up until august when my ex wife, daughter and i moved 3 hours away closer to me parent. Well the step dad kept pushing for his grand daughter to be able to spend weekends at there place, i said no way, my ex wife was in the middle of this and just last week gave up on our marriage because i wouldn't give in. She hasn't been able to explain to me why she would accuse her step dad of that if it didn't really happen. She thinks there Oedipus complex dreams and i think there regressed memories. Now her step dad is going to try to take me to court for visitation right with my daughter with the notion that i have no evidence, which i kinda don't. All i have are a list of emotional problems my ex wife has that are conducive to this type of sex abuse (incest). Shes standing by her step dad now against me and i need to some help. This is all happening in California.
donnawanda
donnawanda
I can't address any legal issues in your post, but I think you're absolutely right to protect your daughter the way you are doing. As for your wife's contention that your daughter's accusations were Oedipus complex dreams, that whole concept was discredited LONG AGO! And if it were true, wouldn't the dreams be about you - you're her father? It sounds like your wife is protecting her own reality but she's doing it at the expense of your daughter's safety. I hope and pray that you succeed in keeping her away from that man.
awol83
awol83
Ok let me rephrase this because i see where i messed up. My ex wife says that she (herself) was molested by her step dad (now hes my daughters grandpa). My daughter hasn't had anything done to her sexually. my daughter is close to her grandpa. Now that my wife and i are divorcing, my wife's step dad and mom are trying to get my daughter to be able to spend the nights with them and are taking me to court about it.
donnawanda
donnawanda
Sorry I misunderstood. I still think your concern is completely valid, and the whole idea that remembered abuse is an expression of Oedipal desire has been discredited. Either way, I'd say why take a chance? I have no idea what grandparent's rights are in the face of a parent's concerns - hopefully someone more knowledgeable than I am can advise you. Good luck. I hope you prevail.
nelliefay
nelliefay
I think - my opinion - that your ex wife was telling the truth when she said she was sexually abused by her step dad. And then, she tried to take it back and deny it. This happens.
I support you whole heartedly in trying to keep your daughter safe.
Is there a way you can simply tell the court what your ex wife said, even though she retracted it?
Also - my sister took her daughter to court here in Australia, to try and force access to her grandkids (my niece's kids) She lost.
WalkinBuffaloMan
WalkinBuffaloMan
Even though there's no evidence and your wife may deny saying that, I would still have it brought to the judges attention and that should toss the "what ifs" around in his mind. If the court is not willing to block access could you possible suggest "supervised access".
Worse case scenario, in a non threatening manner let stepdad know that you know. Yet I'm not sure if i could do that in a non threatening manner. Maybe even call places that deal with abused children and see if they have any ideas.
Your wife is probably felt alot of shame and guilt after she told you since for survivors, share those secrets are almost like a sin for us, since most were threatened to never tell.
Can you turn this around and save the marriage, thus having your daughter under your "wing" once again?
This is truly a rough situation and many have dealt with this. Post as much as you need to.
You may even want to post this in this group also
www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/support-group
Stay strong and don't lose it, and I hope everything works out for the good, Blaine
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