I just wanted to share an incident that happened several months ago and a recent thought I just had about it. It's a long story, so if you read please be prepared. I just needed to share.

I went to stay with a friend (ill call her Kay) out of town a few months ago. It was just supposed to be for the weekend and even though my husband said he had a bad feeling about it, as he didn't really care for this friend of mine, I still went. I was excited because I hadn't seen some of these friends since my wedding and we were so close in high school. I'd been feeling so lonely lately that I let that cloud my judgement.

She picked me up in her car and when we got into her town we went to a bar and got drinks. It was a lot of fun, I saw friends from high school that I reconnected with and it was just so nice to be around friends again. (I'd moved several years prior and hadn't seen some of these people in a long time.) So anyways, she started leaving me alone at the bar here and there, which worried me but I figured I was being sensitive. She came and got me awhile later and we ended up at a strange house. I was drunk, but still very well aware of my actions and remember everything. My other friends left shortly after and we were left alone with people I'd never met but She said she knew. My other friends tried to get me to come but i didnt feel right leaving Kay alone so i refused. She started falling asleep on the couch and i kept asking her if we could leave. Kay kept saying it was alright and would not budge. So I eventually laid down opposite from her and fell asleep. The house had cleared out at this point save for a few other people.

So I wake up at some point to a strange guy spooning me from behind. I shot up, told him not to do that, and moved to another couch. Several minutes later I feel him grabbing at me and pulling me to him again and I froze. I'd been abused sexually three times before and i feel like should have reacted quicker or been more forceful this time. Anyways, before anything happened I managed to jump up and shout at him again before locking myself In the bathroom. It was at this point I couldn't find my phone and call my husband. I told my friend about him the following morning and her response was, 'oh that's just how he is.' I left that day and haven't spoken to her since.

I guess my question is, could I have over reacted because of my past? I don't think I did but it's still a thought in the corner of my mind. My husband knows and is furious at her but I feel as if I'm to blame for allowing myself to be put in that situation.

If you've read this far thank you! I know it's long and jumbled, but sometimes it's hard to put my thoughts into words.