Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Zombiechick 08/09/2018

I am 54. I was sexually abused as a very young child ( from age 3 to 9) by a stepfather, and again at age 12 and 13 from a brother in law. The abuse from the step father was never discovered by anyone except my older sister. I was never able to tell my mom, even after they divorced. He threatened to kill my family if I told anyone and of course being young and loving my family and needing them so much I believed him.

My curiosity is this, has anyone in their adulthood used sex to get love and acceptance and have power? Although I am married my husband has ED and he is fine with me getting sex elsewhere. I don't usually take him up on the offer but when I do I seem to connect with people I had a relationship with in the past. I get feelings of love, acceptance and almost a power over them because they get attached and want a relationship with me. I really don't know how to explain it but we feed off each other, sex for love, and love for sex. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone.

notheather 08/09/2018

Hi Zombiechick,

I am new to Daily Strength but I wanted to share my experience with this. I was molested for several months by a man known by family at the age of 12.
I have also found myself equating sex with love and acceptance, and using sex as a power I have. I don’t consciously think of this in the moment, but I can look back on situations and see that is what I was doing. I have improved on this some for periods in my life and then backtracked and started doing it again.

You are not alone.

Zombiechick 08/09/2018

Thank you, I don't know why I do this, I just end up hurt because I just get used. I wonder if it's because it makes me feel worthless and discussing which is what I think I am.

EvergreenDreamer 08/09/2018

Hi zombie, as i said we seem to have some common issues. I write about my issues pertaining to my incestuous abuse in the sexual abuse group and the incest group, but i can say that during the scope of my lifetime of abuse, there developed the aspects to which you refer. You are not alone in this pattern. quite often, because abuse started when we were so very young, we are conditioned by the elements of our abuse. Abusers take and retain control over us by degrading our self esteem. Then as we get older and the abuse continues, it becomes almost like Stockholm Syndrome” as the relationship changes and we start to need to grab some contol back from our abusers. We learn to manipulate and find power whereever we can, but unfortunately we then continue what our abusers began when they had contol over us, and we self degrade our esteem with negative self images. At least this is what i have seen in myself and many other survivor stories that i have read. Triple hugs of support

Zombiechick 08/10/2018

Thank you so much

AnnieToman 08/16/2018

yes dear it does,, I am a pre-op trans lesbian, but was a guy once, and i met this married woman very much like you her husband cheated and got Herpies, so she chose me, i was her boy toy. it got much deeper then that. I became her second husband, lived with them both. very strange relationship, but it worked. her husband liked me because i made her happy and could do chores around the house and help pay bills, gave him spare cash to play golf, worked out beautifully, stayed with them both until they both end up dying first him then her. nearly 14 years total.

AnnieToman 08/16/2018

so, you see i'm a woman now. that story is a very long one, i have a journal that explains it all. sex and love can really blur the lines between what is right and very very wrong. abuse can be a demon that can consume you. its like a disease that spreads from one victim to the next.

Zombiechick 08/25/2018

Thank you.

AnnieToman 08/28/2018

zombiechick that is a interesting name, i like it.

Grasshopper_7 09/02/2018

My uncles sexually molested me when I was 6yo every night and performed all kinds of cruel sexual acts on me. They threaten if I told. I always said no or stop every night.

I rarely have sex. It seems dirty/nasty sometimes to me when I think about it. When I do have sex it was for "acceptance". I also notice that I would have sex with guys and want to hurt them afterwards. I think I was recreating the events with my uncle's and then wanted to defend myself now that I am older.

I hope you are feeling good today.

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