I do. I've decided to ask my therapist for a three month break. Therapy isn't going well at all. Today she pretty much called me a bad patient because I have anger and trust issues. I am pissed to say the least. I am losing my faith in the world of therapy as a healing tool.

Its always sunny, wow.. I'm sorry your therapist acted like that, she had no right. Its hard enough to trust others and then when she says stuff like that its gotta be hard. I would be pissed too. The first therapist I went to I would see him twice a week for a couple of months. It was the first time I had opened up so much to anyone and everytime I left a session, I would feel like I had said too much and would worry. The last session I went to with him, he informed me that I had to either have my parents sit in on a session or I'd have to find another therapist. I gave him a piece of my mind and stormed out of his office. Therapy has proven to be painful and a set back for me.

...and she wonders why you have anger and trust issues with her therapy. Don't we all have anger and trust issues? Virtually anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional family has those issues, and our families were dysfunctional demonstrated by the fact people who could have protected us, did not. In many cases they hurt us every day for years and years. No wonder we are pissed and distrust any 'grown up' authority figure.

Counselors are not created equal.

I think the therapist's job is to coach us and push us out of our comfort zone. Yes discussing depressing things can make us feel worse for awhile, but that just means we are actually processing those memories and coming to terms with them. That's the point. They build trust enough that they can push us or even make us angry, but we listen, learn, and hopefully keep coming back. Healing is entirely under our control. If we stop going to make a point to the therapist, it costs them nothing but money, we're the ones who's healing is slowed, and I don't think it's the therapist's fault. If you're always comfortable and look forward to going, how much progress are you really making?

The wrong therapy and/or therapist will be a setback, yes. Some therapists will worsen things. Sometimes... therapy just isn't everyone's cup of tea. No one thing fits all.

Dealing with things does not automatically mean therapy. You can deal with things without using therapy... but usually if people are suggesting you need therapy what they mean is 'I think you need to deal with something'.

There are therapists out there who know personally and professionally what they are talking about. There are therapists out there who should not even be working. Therapists are not automatically trustworthy.

However... for therapy to work, trust is important. That doesn't come immediately of course.

It might be that the type of therapy is not the type for you, and is just not what you want right now. Not all therapies require going into the emotional depths of what hurts. Some therapies focus on solution-based techniques, things like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is more about working directly on troublesome thought processes and changing/managing those than delving in deep. Some therapies work on helping you with the immediate symptoms, rather than trying to get down underneath the deep seated causes. Sometimes this is what people want and find to be more beneficial, or sometimes it's all they want for that time in their life.

I do have to say too though, that two sessions is probably not enough to expect a benefit and talking about what's causing you difficulties will always be the unpleasant part of therapy. That will naturally depress you initially, until the 'work' takes shape.

I think it's about asking yourself what do you want to change? What do you need help with? Then looking for something that will help you with those things.

For example, that can be a phobia. You might try EMDR which takes you through the images and feelings of the phobia in one way. Or you might try behavioural therapy, and just face the fear over a few sessions until the power of the phobia is decreased. You might try CBT, which gets at the thought process as well as behaviour. You might try psychiatric medication alone, or with these. You might try psychotherapy which will look at where in your past that phobia began, how, and why and with that insight you might be able to make a more deepseated change about that phobia and anxiety as a whole, as well as discover other things about yourself that lead to greater appreciation of yourself and lead to other changes while you're at it. Psychotherapy has different approaches, some of those will operate in different ways.

Some people do better with directive therapy where a therapist directs them, some people really don't like that and prefer non directive person-centred therapy where it is much more of a collaboration and guided by you as well as the therapist.

Your question isn't simple and I think it comes down to the person and what they are looking for as to where they might go looking for help and/or support and in what way they might want it.

...Or not. Outside of the therapy realm, there's plenty other things you can do in helping yourself effect the changes you want for yourself. Ultimately, this comes down to what you want and how you want to achieve it. The rest is just what helps you on your way.

avoidance can be a waste of time too....in the long run, you have to decide what your goal is.

do you just want to avoid pain in the moment?

Yes, therapy can take you into discussing painful issues at times, BUT not for the purpose of CAUSING you pain, but working through it, so those things won't be a source of ongoing pain any longer.

i wouldn't call 2 months, and definitely not 2 sessions, "doing therapy", and if you go again, i would say that you should be straight up with whomever you see and say you have tried that, what your histroy with them was, and your reasons for stopping. therapy, good therapy, depends 100% on a trusting and strong relationship between the counselor and you. that has to be established BEFORE you begin working on the most difficult issues, you have to know you are going to be safe with them and that they are going to handle what you tell them without judgement, and be able to take it and not lose you. you build that up by talking about the smaller issues in the beginning, even your fear of the pain/process of t. if you want, or work problems, little family problems, whatever. get a feel for them, and let them get to know who you are. then when you know if you can begin to trust them, you start to work on the hard stuff, and then, when you feel like running (like you've done before) there's enough of a relationship there to get you through it.

You need to know this person cares about you .

next, it would help if you think about the difference between time going by and you not having to face the pain of whatever your issues are and what it would cost you emotionally to sort through them--cuz that will hurt, you will have to look at ugly things you've pushed away for a long time...however, this pain has purpose, it is redemptive pain, you go through it because on the other side is freedom...not just more suffering. it is worth it, and you gain something. probably something you can't even imagine and aren't sure is there for you, but it is if you'll go through the process.

however, if you don't go to t., nothing changes, those things are still inside you, and while you haven't experienced a "setback" of going through the "trouble" of t., you haven't grown toward healing either.

i think of it like this, if you are running a mile race (and life is a long one, right), and you look down to see your shoe was untied, it would "slow you down" to stop and tie it then you can run your full speed and be faster than you ever would have otherwise, but if you don't stop, becaues you don't want to take the trouble, it will slow you down the whole race long...and you will be slower in the end.

another analogy might be that of a medical patient. if a doctor got a report of cancer, as the patient, would you want him to come to you and say, you know, we could operate on this, and you'd have some pain with your recovery, and then need chemo and radiation for a year...it's going to be tough, but we'll stand by you and you'll get through it, and there's about a 95% chance you will beat this!, or have him just say, you know, let's just call it good, you don't want to go through all of the pain of that treatment....you can live alright for a while this way anyhow.

what would you be doing if it were your physical health?
why is mental health any different? it affects our lives just as much, maybe more.

just some thoughts,
trust me, i've had plenty of difficulty in looking through the reality that is my life...but i guess i'd rather face the reality and deal with that, than pretend things are different than they are, live in denial like my family always did, and know i'm doing SOMETHING to try to get better, not just taking what was dealt to me and calling that good enough. i'm at least on the path moving toward better, and THAT feels good, better than when i was hiding and afraid of every little thing that might hurt me. you may find that there are some really powerful and good things once you break beneath the surface of that pain.

hoping for you!
em

Check out the therapy as religion thread in the PTSD forum.

my therapist told me up front that it could get worse before it gets better, that bringing this stuff to the surface was going to be painful. But i am glad I stuck with it, and I think i have made significant progress.

I only have a few minutes and wanted to check in when I spotted this post !

Emilia, there is so much I could write to help keep you safe, but in the interest of time I'll just give you an overview of my history with them;
Back in the 60's and early 70's, in this country, Masters & Johnson and Kinsley were the cutting edge of Freudian psychological science, and sex among therapist with their clients was considered quite therapeutic. It was all part of the 'free love' hedonistic hippie culture that had taken over in our American society, and psychs were a big part of it. A large part of those people still exist with gray hair even today, and still practice in mental health clinics across north America..
Today, I am a 54 year old man who was raped when I was 17, as a result of a radically sociopathic (read burned out hippie) social worker whose form of 'Exposure Therapy', or treatment for clinically disabling anxiety, that resulted directly from incest and childhood sexual molestation.
I was, at that time in 1973, raped publicly in front of the adults at a place of prostitution in downtown Nashville Tenn. because I refused sex with my first social worker counselor at the mental health clinic or her apartment.

I have later been told by psychs and social workers that this was used on young males as a 'rite of passage' type exposure therapy, and also used clinically for treatment when there was diagnosis of homosexuality, which was listed in the DSM, manual of mental disorders.

Things have become a little safer over the years through state government registry, (much like the sex offender registry on a tiny scale) but people are still perverse. Just because someone claims specialty and credentials does NOT mean they won't tell a lie.

I can recall probably close to 30 or more psychs at all levels I have seen since my first back in 1973, and let me tell you as an experienced adult, some are just below the surface quite mentally unstable and very DANGEROUS, which is especially important when a young lady or man is hurt and vulnerable.

Always, listen to your own inner judgement FIRST, use common sense, and make decisions based on what you know best for you, and without fear of retribution from them, and that includes decisions with regard to medication as well.
If one of them causes you fear or concern, contact your states board of licensure and registry and let them know and why. It's important for the public to know.

I hope this message stays open till I have more time.
Tom S. in Tn.

Addendum;

" The damage caused by freaky mental health professionals and their God forsaken industry has been far more traumatic and inflicted much greater pain and damage than any of the sexual molestation done to me as a child could have ever compared to. "

This statement was the whole point of responding.
Tom S. in Tn.

A bad therapist can be a huge set back and then sum, cause you probs you did not even had.
Scary stuff.

to tom...i am so so sorry for what you went through.

And I would add, that i'm sure that is NOT what i was thinking when i answered whether t. can be a setback. what happened to tom is downright criminal. in a general sense however, responsibly handled by a competent therapist, therapy will cause one to face things that are painful==it should never be retraumatizing though. a therapist who creates a trusting, working alliance with their clients, listens to them regarding the pace as to what they are ready to discuss, etc. will lead them into the troubling issues, but also provide the support and debriefing such that it resolves the pain rather than creates new sources of it.

i look back, even to my session from last week, i realize that i said to my t. as i left, "you probably don't want to hear this, but i don't look forward to THIS..." because we were talking about some issues that are very hard to talk about. i do n't like feeling those emotions, i don't like having another person know about some of those things, and yet having carried them myself inside for 25 years hasn't helped either. talking about them, processing them, does help me, and in spite of the discomfort of those discussions, i am with someone i trust, ultimately, i am in a growth pattern that is helping me feel and function better and better--it's not creating crisis, but preventing them. he said to me, "i know you don't, but i also happen to know you don't have anywhere else that you can talk about this stuff..." and he's right. having that place helps, and knowing that my overall goals are being acheived, it's like exercise, not always easy in the process, but ultimately productive and life-giving.

none of that would hold true if the therapist is an abusive quack...or even a negligent one. we have to use our judgement and be willing to face productive pain, but also to stand up for ourselves and protect ourselves from people who would only abuse in a new context.

em

In my experience with therapy..It is scary and can make you uncomfortable at first but it gets better in time because you know you have to get through it in order to get any better...I am now working with a counselor that specializes in Sexual Abuse after 28 years-(I was 12 when I was abused by a 14 year old "friend" and I am 40 now...)....My counselor is slowly working with me and easing me into things which I think is good because it will take time for me to get better because I have to be patient with myself as well..You may have to learn to be more patient with your Counselor/Therapist...

Tom B. aka Ihman

For me, therapy was a regression for a bit. I actually had feelings that I hadn't felt in years. It made me feel worse. When I told my therapist about it, she got excited because it meant the therapy was working. I think she was right. I have came a long way in the last six years and still have a bit of work to do, but it gets better. It like the futher I go down the road of healing, the more the layers are peeled back.