Ok I hope i'm right....But giving it a shot transference is projecting how you feel about a situation or individual unto another..

For example you can transfer how you feel about your abuser unto your therapist.....

Or and this is a really bad form of transference> You can transfer how you feel about your ex unto your children by him...That is dangerous.

YES I would say is really good to acknowledge it and talk about it...

I am not sure bt there maybe even good transference where you project your own loving feelings about yourself into another and it comes back to yourself

I don't think all transference is bad...But its worth being aware of...

So.....

Transference and projection are pretty much the same thing.

I am struggling with feeling infatuated with my therapist and by being totally horrified that I feel that way.

Other times he is my daddy but a nice version of my daddy because the real one was a shithead.

Needless to say my anxiety goes through the roof when in a session. If he was a jerk I could handle it because I know what to do with jerks.

I just keep hoping it goes away.

I am reminded of how as a teenager as soon as I stepped in a church all I could do was thing about penises and sex :-)

I wasn't sure whatbit was so i had to look it up. Sounds to me like it is the same as projecting feelings you have about yourself onto others. Example: a person who doesnt like himself will often say/feel that everyone hates him. No one has ever said they hate him but because he hates himself he assumes everyone else hates him. He projected his hate for himself onto everyone around him.

I hope this helps a little. I do have a brother who does this all the time. I have also done it but have worked very hard to recognize it and overcome it.

I have times when I think people talk badly about me and I have times when I think my therapist hates me. I have always experienced that one.
Every therapist I have had, at one time or another I think he or she has hated me.

I have never told any of them that I was feeling that way....I just felt so embarrassed.

I think many people feel this way about their therapists at some point. I work with inner children so I would say there is a child in you who wants her dads love and right now its confusing to her. She has transferred her love for her father onto the therapist. Probably the first man who she has trusted enough to feel this way with. You can talk to your inner child and comfort her. Sounds like she just wants her dad to love her.

Lucky....you have no idea.

Some days I want to be a little girl again and have a nice , loving dad who will snuggle me in a healthy way.

Then I have this teen girl who responds to that with a big eye roll and "EWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

"Transference vs Projection

transference: In psychoanalysis, the process by which emotions and desires originally associated with one person, such as a parent or sibling, are unconsciously shifted to another person, especially to the analyst.

projection: The attribution of one's own attitudes, feelings, or desires to someone or something as a naive or unconscious defense against anxiety or guilt.

Definition by: Dictionary.com

Projection and transference are similar concepts - both act as defense mechanisms of the subconscious. Transference deals with feelings created from one interpersonal situation transferring to the next while projection deals with throwing one's own feelings and emotions onto a subject, animate or otherwise.

Ok...thanks unomas...I can see the difference now.

Projection is more like taking out my anger on the cat when I had a bad day.

Transference is when I view all men as sociopaths like my abuser.

Oh yes. I also had conflicting inner children. Their age had a lot to do with all the conflict in me. Plus, some were so angry and others just were not there yet. The abuse also progressed over time so the younger children were not quite as angry as the older children. It can be an all our war with them at times.

I found it important to sit with them and tell them, repeatedly, that they were safe, that I loved them unconditionally and that they were all very lovable. I'm sure you need to say something different to your inner children along with telling them they are loved. They will tell you what they need to hear. Also, the more you love them the faster they heal - which means the faster you heal. And, by you loving them like they need to be loved, they will turn to you instead of your therapist.

make sense? I can chat all day about inner children so if you are want to chat more just send me a PM.

Take care

Strong feeling in connection with your therapist are common, including the sense of infatuation. If it persists, it may be worth talking about in the sessions. it may seem strange, but airing such feelings can be very helpful and can dispel their power. It can also be a doorway into exploring how you relate with other people, too, as (good) therapy is a microcosm of your life and what happens there often reflects what happens in your wider world.

I agree - talk about it with the counselor. Once addressed it allows the therapist to bring in some tools to help you work with it, it also shows that this is a possibility in any relationship and will help you to deal with it when you recognize the same pattern in everyday life. I had a therapist that had a similar body shape to my second abuser and had the aggressive attitude of my first abuser - I transferred a LOT of anger to him as he brought these feelings to the surface just at a glance. I would get upset in the waiting room and then I point blank told him this. He then started utilizing a more relaxed and less blunt approach - unfortunately he still looked like my second abuser and I had to learn to look beyond this. It helped me see that I was bad about judging others on their looks and attitude and would relate anger to them that they did not really deserve.
I hope that you can work through this as it can be a real hurdle in therapy.
All my best as usual -
Refuse2quit

Transference is very common and helpful and even counted on by most psycho-dynamic oriented therapists as almost always the reason you're there is tied in some way to unresolved and often unconscious s**t from the past. Your infatuation is most likely transference and your therapist (if good) is well aware of your feelings.
The bigger problem in the field is counter transference as so very many therapists were drawn to the field due to their own issues. Some therapists get them worked through but many, many do not and bring them into the therapy sessions everyday. Your transference can be very useful to a competent therapist but a therapist with unresolved and unconscious issues who aren't aware enough of them to know when it's happening can and does render them incapable of seeing their clients accurately and as the unique and separate people that are.... all because the counter transference is clouding their view and objectivity. This is a much bigger issue than most people realize and can be quite destructive and makes appropriate therapy impossible when it occurs.

Even very good therapists have it happen on occasion but hopefully and usually recognize what's happening and will seek assistance and consultation with a mentor or their own therapist.

Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I TOTALLY transferred on my psychologist! Madly in love, hated him in other ways. I tried to tell him all what was going on. It was a long term relationship and eventually I grew out of the infatuation, and was much more realistic. I was totally dependent on him, he was just that important to me. Over the last 5 years, I saw him once every 3 weeks or so. Then he died, and I was able to go on because of the love I felt from him and for him, in my heart. So - in the end, it was a healthy, loving relationship.

Thanks Nelliefay,
I am hoping that I get over it or at least manage it. I usually end up stopping therapy when uncomfortable feelings for the therapist arise. Usually it takes longer before it happens but this was quick.
Sadave....I can see how an unethical therapist or incompetent one could end up hurting someone. In my case I don't get any sense of him being anything but professional and appropriate so no threat there.