Hello Candice. I am so sorry for the situation you are in. Did the crisis chat line also refer you to someone you can speak to who lives near you?

It sounds like your life may be in danger - is this correct? Is there anywhere you can go? Any shelters in your town? Do you trust any adults who you have contact with? Also, how old are you?

No I'm alone and I love my mom it's not her fault I understand some times the consumed becomes the consumer i rather not share my age I should be stronger but I'm just not I'm just so tired of trying to maintain I can't do it but I have no choice

You made the statement "she has sold me my whole life" and I don't know exactly what this means but I have seen much too much on these boards for me to not think she is abusing you in some way and actually 'selling' you to others.

It is very common for an abused person to suddenly defend the abuser once someone starts listening to them. You get scared and decide that the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.

If you want out then you need to be honest with yourself and find a way to get out. Based on your writing I would guess you are not so young that you couldn't do some online research to see what your options are. If you are being abused you need to tell someone and you need to tell someone who can get you out of there.

Hello and I'm sorry you have been brought to this community but hopefully you will find the support and strength you need to help you move forward.
I've been so low I didn't want to be here recently but I realised it was my situation I didn't want to be in not my life.
You need to find help wither that is through finding somewhere to go or someone that can help you make the changes needed to move forward.
If not we are here just post whenever you need to cut please believe me life is worth sticking in no matter how dark the days seem now there will one day be sunshine again xx

Candice, you do matter. And because you matter I'm glad you thought enough of yourself to call the crisis chat line; I'm glad you were able to reach out. And I'm glad you've come here for understanding and support.

Though all experiences are different, survivors understand the need to matter. We understand those feelings of being dead inside and dirty. And almost all of us have lived with that sense of being alone...until we found the strength to reach out.

It's not our stories that connect us Candice, for as I've said all stories are different; it's the emotional connections that are made through our willingness to be there for each other, to listen and to offer whatever help we can. It's understanding the sadness and anger and confusion because we've been through it.

We know the emotional pain and the courage it takes to get help. But you've taken two steps on your own behalf--calling the chat line and posting here. Will you take another step?

If you're still in school is there someone you trust enough to ask for help? Is there a safe relative you can go to? Is there a woman's center you can turn to? There are resources out there but it takes time and effort to find them. Do this because you matter as a person, not a thing.

Please come back.
xx
SuzA

I totally understand the feeling of being alone and having no one to turn to. I have an incredible support system in my family but can't tell them I was raped because a family member is the rapist. I also know how dirty and hopeless I felt after it happened but I do know that you have a purpose here and that God can help you. Or if your not a believer than here are shelters and crisis centers and all kinds of other resources and services that can help. Just don't give up because you do matter.