boy do I understand that feeling. It's taken me till now to finally feel like I"m just not being used for sex for the male population. I have a wonderful husband now. Before that I was certain that sex was all men wanted from me.

thanks for the reply KAdunn. Honestly,I have lost all hope in finding a genuine man. It's like I attract all the men that are wrong for me. How can I change my view of men when I can't even find one that makes me believe that there are truly good men in this world.

I don't know whether this will be helpful or not, but I've done a lot of research and reading since I found out my 5 year old daughter was being sexually abused. First, you were abused and you have every right to view it that way and have the feelings and emotions you have about it. My daughter's abuser is 6 1/2 years older and he is now going through a court case over it. Where I live, it is a Felony 3, although he will never serve any time. So I hope that makes you feel better about the way you view what happened. Second, I have read that once a child is sexually abused, they are more likely to be targeted again. As if an abuser can recognize it in them or something and that it can also carry over into relationships and how a person chooses partners. You didn't say if you disclosed to anyone as a child or if you have been in therapy. If not, it seems like this is something a therapist would be very beneficial for.

I never disclosed anything as a child. I have no idea why. It's probably part of where my anger comes from. The first time I spoke about it was at 25 years old and only two other friends know. I have never shared this with family. I feel like too much time has passed to even talk about it. I can't even talk about it without being overcome with so many emotions. I hate the feeling.

Re-victimization is definitely real. I've found myself in quite a few instances with men where I reacted in the same way I probably did when I was abused as a kid (i.e.: froze, dissociated and went along with it). It's just as traumatizing in adulthood as it is as a child.

I'm really sorry this happened to your daughter.

I still have trust issues but getting into therapy has helped me immensely. I would recommend getting with a good therapist to work thru the issues. I'm also about to have EMDR therapy done to try and minimize the side effects.

My daughter also did not disclose. My brother in law walked in and saw it. She didn't tell because her brother told her not to, that we wouldn't love her, that we would think they were bad and that he wouldn't play with her anymore. I've talked to so many people and only 2 children disclosed on their own. I've read that even children who aren't threatened don't disclose because they still feel like it is their fault or that their parents will be upset.

I don't think too much time has passed. If you have a family who you can get support from, you should talk to them. Looking back, I see red flags that I wish I would have realized were abuse. Maybe they will too.

Please don't feel that too much time has passed. This will never go away by itself, and you have carried it long enough. You deserve to heal from this, and a therapist who is experienced in trauma and sexual abuse can help you.

I am in my 50s and was not able to work on the sexual abuse in my past until recently. I am not the only one. This experience is so toxic to a human being that many of us don't have the strength to face it until many years later.

Please don't blame yourself.. The blame goes to your stepson.. He did this, not you. Sometimes seeing the flags, is hard.. We as parents or others.. might see bad patterns, but don't want to believe it. Until it slaps us in the face. Then we blame ourselves for things that we should blame...
Here in the states ( who knows over there too) we have a saying...
"Hindsight is 20/20" looking back, everything is as clear as day, then we blame ourselves for not seeing or doing anything...
(I understand this to well... Sadly..

Now the other topic I saw.. Kids telling..
With me, when I was molested, it happened in front of a couple other cousins, and we all just froze while it was happening. When the guy was done, he walked away... None of us said anything, we all walked away, went different directions.. I know I didn't say anything to my folks, or anyone really.. Mostly forgot about it for many years too..
He didn't threaten myself, or any of us. We just didn't say anything, not even to each other... The next time we all saw each other, we just played like always...
When I was raped, the neighbor kid (anyone can be the attacker, he was younger than me by a couple yrs... I was made fun of or "why didn't you stop him" heard that from a therapist... She was worthless)
Anyway, I'm sorry I got off track..
When I was raped, I was beat repeatably with a corn cobs, that's what he used to rape me, then back to beating me... And kicking...

Anyway, after he was done, he went home, when I finally went in the house to clean up, my mom asked "are you ok?" I said "why" she said "you're limping" I said, "oh, we were running hard, and I tripped, I'm ok"
I had the perfect chance to tell, even at 12 I still didn't tell what happened.. I wasn't afraid of getting in trouble, I was afraid of loosing my 'friend' (you can ask questions if you want( anyone can) just message me)
By you saying your daughter didn't tell, she could be scared of getting someone else in trouble, (I was) or maybe even she was scared of letting you down.. Maybe even that you or others would blame her..
I'm not sure where kids get these thoughts, even if they are in a loving home, and have caring people around them, (I was all this, but never told for fears of getting in trouble or loosing him as a friend)

I'm sorry, I had a point... I think I forgot it.. Was distracted to many times while typing this..

Thank you all for your comments and support.

I feel like I should start healing. I don't really know where to start. The last time and only time I disclosed to a counsellor/therapist I felt like she didnt go at my pace. She started giving me cbt homework and I didnt even get through the bulk of my issues. First, I want to understand why I am the way I am, why I do the things I do and then I want to work on changing things. I need to work through my anger. I feel like its such a blocker. But I can't handle being overwhelmed by negative emotions. Its so hard to talk about it. I can't be vulnerable.

I recommend you seek out a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse. Even before you meet them, you can ask if they have experience in this area. I found a therapist by calling RAINN. I called their hotline, even though I was calling about something that had happened 40 years earlier, and they were so kind. They set me up with a therapist right away. I ended up not staying with her, but it was a good start.

https://rainn.org/

I was forced to have oral sex with my 13-14 year old cousin when I was 9 or 10. It made growing up gay a lot more confusing than it should have been.