Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
when i was born my father abandoned me because i was an accident and he wanted 2 b with the owman he was cheating on my mother with while she was pregnant with me... so in his absence i subconteasly searched for a father figure... wich turned out to be my big brother (8 years older than me) who sexually assulted me... tho im glad he didnt rape me, the fact that someone so close to me would touch me is still hard to believe... sumtimes i think that god is punishing me... i forgot about it for the longest time... i was 6 years old when this happened... and then my friend told me how she was sexually abused by her dad... and i remembered it all, and i cant forget it... ive been holding it in for so long... and i also have many other issues going on, my mother has cancer, my brothers at war, and my father has been trying to get back into my life the past few years... i find it really hard to trust ppl... i cant think of one person in my life who i trusted who has never let me down... so i hold everything inside, and it hurts so much. the other night i was at church camp with my youth group, and something kinda cool happened, we started praying over eachother... i thought it was wierd at first but it helped... we all cried together... but my youth leader new that my tears werent good ones... so she pulled me aside, i tried to make a run for it, but she asked me if i was ok. i said yes and its as if she looked write through me and said i dont believe u... and i said can i just go take a shower, and she asked me if that was smart, to leave by myself at this stage... so i talked to her for a bit, and she didnt get much outta me... so i wrote her a letter explaining almost everything i was feeling... and for the first time i told somone about what my brother did to me... later that night she came up 2 me and whispered in my ear how she was proud of me, and that it was the first step towards healing... but i dont get it... it still eats me up, i feel so awkward around her now... im still sad, and i still dont trust ppl... they make it so hard tho... they claim theyve changed, others never realized what they did... im also afraid of being alone in a room with a guy, it scares me so bad, and ive been having many troubles with that latey... but i feel comfortable around my brother... y is that? hes changed, he went to therapy and is now a christian, but y should i trust my abuser and not others... i dont get it! it makes me so mad! please tell me what to do... whats the next step in my life?
I don't have any words to say about why you feel comfortable with your brother but not other male figures. We are each unique in our make up. We each handle the abuse and its effects differently.
The answers you are seeking will come when you are ready to hear and accept them.
Im sorry for your abuse. I was abused by my dad and so I know how confusing and messed up it is to be abused by family.
I suppose you trust your brother now because he has taken responsibility for his actions, had therapy and changed his ways. Trust issues are common after abuse especially when you have been abused by a person you are supposed to trust the most.
The psychology behind abuse can be complicated.
I think everyone should be cautious around people up to a point. I think trust needs to be earnt and we have to trust a little in order to experience life.
I have bad trust issues. it feels like i am afraid of the world. I isolate myself and so am missing out on life. Im hoping to build that trust back up little by little. I hope you can do the same.
It sounds like christianity is big in your life so hang around these people more and put yourself out of your comfort zone a little at a time and hopefully you will find that you can be around people without worrying too much.
I agree with Kayllynelle, "the answers you are seeking will come when you are ready to hear and accept them."
I only add, that the first person you want to build a trusting relationship with is yourself. Just do it a step at a time, or if necessary, a minute at a time. Healing is a process, not an event.
Hugs to you, we are here for you.
You are extremely brave for having given that note, and your lead was right in telling you that it is the first step in the recovery and healing process! A big high five for your courage there!
And welcome to the tribe!
I am right there with you on the not trusting anyone...i dont open up to new people very well or have a huge amount of confidence in myself. Theres a complex web of emotions behind abuse which therapy will open your eyes to, you will then be able to decide how you want to change yourself to become the person you want or remain the same.
In the meantime i would think about your definition of TRUST...in what way do you think people will betray you? What do you expect back from the people you trust ? I dont trust as i think people will use or hurt me. Think about what you want from the people you want to trust. I would definitly go to therapy to work through your difficult emotions attached.. best of luck.xx
Congratulations on sharing with your group leader. Sharing our stories the first time is very difficult, it does get easier. Please do not allow anyone to force your story out of you - you have all the time in the world.
I think it's great that you've been able to see your abuser 'recover'. This means that he was the first one to acknowledge to you that he had done wrong and that you are a victim.
Also remember that what happened is not your fault. Good friends will not judge you - and it sounds as though the church leader isn't either. It sounds as though your church leader is a safe person to talk with - she's listening well. Perhaps talking just a little further, let her know how you feel around her now, will help her to share her love for you at a pace that you can handle - she cannot guess how you are feeling and you have the chance to develop a truly beautiful friendship.
I also like mntmama's advice to look for a counsellor.
best wishes & congratulations on starting the healing process. You're right - it certainly doesn't heal quickly, and sometimes there are scars - but at least we can become more aware of the scars and learn how to overcome them in our lives.
- Your mother's cancer ... my father has just been diagnosed with cancer too. Each case is unique & I don't want to pretend to understand how this is effecting you.
- Your brother is at war ... that would be scary. It's time to trust in God and let Him take this issue from you. I will add you to my prayers for tonight.
- You dad wants back into your life ... this is VERY big! IMHO your dad leaving you was neglet, which is a type of abuse. As an abused person you need to assert control - you will decide what he is allowed, it is no longer his choice. There are other groups for dealing with abuse, but I'd like to warn you in advance that some of them have members who have absolutely no tolerance for abusers ... by their philosophy you would lose contact with your brother and/or have him charged by the police. Again ... your abuse = your choice (unless another is likely to be hurt - that limits our valid choices) on how you will deal with it; you can put your dad on hold or tell hium what distance he is permitted while you sort this out.
Good luck