Hi Squeaker43,

Why do you feel silly being on here?

I'm sure you realize it's only ignorant people or people in deep denial who tell you to get over it. They don't know or don't want to know that healing takes time and for some of us, a long time.

What kind of counseling have you had? I'm finding that I need more than talk therapy. Talk is important, but so is body work and learning how to reprogram our brains.

Don't give up. Someone here might say something that changes your direction or refer you to the exact place you need to be.

xx
SuzA

Thank you Suz, for you nice reply. I have had one on one counseling and support group. It is good to talk but it never seems to completely get out or go away. I definitely will not give up, I have been fighting for way too long. I just have wondered if it will ever come to an end. I think that the feeling silly part is because of my age. I don't know. I get tired of the anxiety and the ongoing depression. Most days I do really well and then it takes one word, one smell, etc. and it all hits me like a ton of bricks, again. UGH I am so done with it.

Welcome. I can understand your feelings very well. I also have had many years of therapy, and I feel ashamed that I am still so debilitated by my past. But on the other hand, when I think about what I suffered (also sexually abused by my father) it seems a wonder that I survived at all. It is just so hard to wrap one's mind around such a thing.

You have every right to be here as I do, or some of these teenagers...
If you hadn't put your age, ...well with me, it doesn't matter.
I was molested at an early age, and raped as a teenager... Plus other things that happened...
I've been on this site for ...wow... Since '07'...
I still have nightmares, I probably never will 'get over it'... But being able to get through the nights, the days, and everything in between... I have this site, the great folks here who I can send a note to at a drop of a hat...may or may not respond right away... But they WILL respond...
Anyway, there is nothing you can tell us that we haven't heard, or I haven't...read, been through, or any number of things...

We all have many things in common, the only thing we will never know about each other is the exact things that happened.... But the feelings, thoughts, and surviving... We all can talk and share about surviving mode...

We are here... Just say hi, that's always a good start..

It's funny, Donnawanda, as soon as I feel like I am over the hump, it starts all over again. I just wish I knew if there was anyone that ever REALLY gets over it or if they just became numb to it.
Notalone, I guess that is what I am hoping for. Just getting through another day and being happy. I realistically know that I am not the only one that has gone through this but sometimes I feel so darned alone with it. I was molested, raped, verbally abused and physically abused by my father on almost a daily basis. I was also molested by my mother. I often wonder why I was given these parents. It may sound sick, but I was so happy when both of them died. Funny part is, I thought it would release me from everything and it didn't. Wow.

perhaps we don't get over it but we do learn to 'live beside it' and we do what you and most of us do - we get through the days moment by moment and try to cherish the happy ones and be specially mindful of them to keep us strong when the bad ones strike as they do when we least expect it. we garner our strength wherever we can and DS is a wonderful place to do it. as said you can post a message hear and you will always get a response from someone somewhere who has been where you are right now or is there with you. we can sit beside each other and hold each others hands as much or as often as needed without judgement and that is a wonderful gift. keep posting a let us know how you are doing. I hope your nightmares resolve themselves soon. hugs

Thanks to all of you, for your quick replies. It makes me feel like I found somewhere, that I am totally understood and like Irishwriter states, no judgement. I am so thankful for that. I will continue to try to be open with my feelings. It is hard because it was always"beaten" in me, that nothing leaves behind our closed doors. It was a fear that I have carried all of these years and to know that people are "finding out" what all has happened, is still strange for me. Sad to say, My father still overpowers me, even tho he is dead. How sad

you're not alone and it's not silly being on here. Sexual abuse affects you for life. It changes who you were to become. That is what I would like to get across to the abusers. That their actions changes us forever. ((hugs))

i think the body ages. Our spirit is ageless. Whether at 32 or 72...its your signal that more healing needs to occur. The "get over it" people are just insensitive, ignorant fools who have no clue...Clearly there are some unresolved issues that weren't resolved in those many years of therapy. Maybe its time to finally rid yourself of the anxiety and depression...? Im glad you're here!

About your many years in therapy, I want to say that 1) we aren't ready until we're ready to deal with certain things. Or so I guess. It doesn't make me very happy because I've also spent countless years in therapy and think I should be much further along by now. And 2) there are a lot of new healing modalities out there now that certainly weren't available when I started, such as EMDR, somatic experiencing, internal family systems, and more. In the old days it was just talk and talk. Then it was more about taking the right meds. Now, some at least are recognizing the physical element of healing from trauma. So the good news is that there are new approaches out there today.

I am so glad that I came on here. No matter how much, any of you post on here, it give me something more to think about. I am finally beginning to feel like this is a hopeless cause. You guys are great and I thank you, so much

I hope you meant that you are feeling this is NOT a hopeless cause?

Oh my goodness, I am glad you saw that, Donna. I definitely meant Not a hopeless cause. LOL