I would call your local rape and abuse service centre and ask for advice and receive some support. I am not sure where you live but there should be something not too far away. They will be understanding and may even be able to offer legal advice.

Thank you, I have sent a message to my ISVA (Independent Sexual Violence Advisor) She has been supporting me throughout the case, I won't get a response from her until Monday though, as she only works part time. I'm just so so disappointed and know that it will leave my mother feeling justified in "standing by her man".

Hi Elslok, That's a huge disappointment about the police not taking your case.

Can I suggest that you just take a bit of time to experience your disappointment and feel and express your feelings around that? It's got to hurt an awful lot ... and I feel like you just need to experience that before you go forward.

Going forward, I can't agree that you didn't accomplish anything by it. First and foremost, you publicly affirmed the truth and in doing so showed great loyalty to yourself. You believed in your own truth enough to state it publicly. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but from my perspective it is a HUGE deal. I hang out on this forum and yet I never quite believe myself and would not have the courage to confront my family about what happened to me because if they told me I was lying I would believe them. So I see what you've done as a huge act of self-confidence and self-affirmation.

As to what you've lost, it is tragic. But the loss is really in the hopes and illusions you had. These are your relatives - this is who they are. That would have been true whether or not they'd had this opportunity to disappoint you. And if at some point some of them come through for you after all, the relationship you have will be something real and substantial, not an illusion based on you denying yourself and denying your pain and living a lie for other people's convenience.

Finally, as far as therapy ... there is no reason why you should accept not getting therapy. Pregnancy as a reason for not getting therapy? Never heard of it! That's just bizarre - is that some kind of UK thing? And this nonsense about you having good coping skills so you don't need therapy - that's bullshit too. You don't have to accept a 'no' like that. You can keep asking. You can ask or demand to speak to that person's supervisor and insist that you need therapy. If you need help mustering arguments for why you should get therapy I'd be glad to help and I'm sure many others here would as well.

You have stood up for yourself in the best possible way. You are not defeated! This is not the end of the story.

Thank you Donna. The pregnancy thing is that they are concerned that my rampant hormones will make any emotions I feel during therapy much much worse and cause me to tip over the edge over something that would normally not affect me that way. I can kind of understand it, but at the same time it has left me very much adrift.

I'm about to have seven nights on my own at home as my husband is on night shifts and so I know this will be hard for me. It came at the worst possible time really.

I think what my family need to understand is that I stood to lose so much by telling the truth, and I have. why would I have done that for a lie? I haven't spoken to my sister in three months or thereabouts (not for lack of trying on my part) and I have some family members telling me that I should call them if I need them, which I have done in the past, but (and here I sound like a brat) they never call me. They never reach out to me. It is always me having to do the chasing and I am tired of it. (I know, not an issue around this topic, but a significant one.)

It took me a long long time to acknowledge what had happened to me and to do something about it. And I know you are right, I should be proud of myself for having the confidence and strength of will to do it. I know that I really need time to lick my wounds and heal from this, but it's something I have never really been good at, mainly because my psyche is of the belief I should be able to suck it up and move on. I box it up and shove it to the side to deal with when I have the time. Pandora's Little Box in the corner of my mind.

Even if you do have good coping skills, that is no reason not to go to therapy. I have pretty good ones too, but that doesn't mean I don't need help. That happened to me a couple times (saying I didn't need therapy because I was coping well), and I ended up in a mental hospital.

That was huge of you to go out and say "this happened to me and it's not right" knowing you could lose! The legal system sucks. I've seen both sides of it. Police usually will not prosecute a case they know they won't win (pretty shitty if you ask me.)

I know how you are feeling about you having to make all the effort with your family. I am experiencing that right now, even with my friends. My parents usually don't contact me unless they have to. I haven't spoken to my dad in over two months, my mom just texts me usually and its only about stuff that has to be talked about, not just hey how are ya. I haven't spoken to my brother in over two months as well. I confronted my mom on it and she said that I should have to contact her. I'm your daughter, why can't you just say "Hi, how are you today?" I do that with everyone! I feel very unimportant. It hurts terribly.

I also know how you feel about how you should just suck it up. It comes to a point where you shouldn't have to. You have every right to feel bad, especially right now. You've suffered so much! I'm told to just "suck it up" and "that's just how it is, deal with it." I've come to the point of cutting those people out of my life, unfortunately some of them are my family, the people who should be standing with me.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. {{{HUGS}}}

I feel really angry about the attitudes of the health service there. They too seem to think you should "just suck it up" - which is just plain DUMB and IGNORANT because it doesn't take a genius to know that eventually the pressure will build until you snap and go through what KnowNot went through.

Let me ask you this: is that the attitude you have with your little daughter? Just suck it up? Because there's a little girl in you too. And since your mother didn't show her a lot of tenderness and loyalty, you have to do that for her.

When my first child was born I was full of empathy for her and gave her all the tenderness and TLC I never had. But when my second child was born I somehow fell out of empathy with the first, and started treating her more the way I was treated. It is the biggest regret of my life and it took a toll on her that she is still paying. I can't say it will be the same with you, yet I feel that attending to your emotional needs with generosity and tenderness will not only benefit you but your children as well.

So ... sometimes it's hard to push on our own behalf, especially in the realm of emotional needs, when we don't feel entitled to even have those emotional needs. I'm suggesting that if you can't do it for you, maybe you can do it for your children.

I know what you are saying Donna, and I know I am treating myself harsher than I would treat anybody else. Me simply going to the doctor and saying to them that I need help, need support...it was huge. I have never acknowledged to anybody that I need help for anything or with anything because I was always the 'strong one' that was there for everyone else. I am working, quite hard, on trying to be that person for myself that I never had.

Having my daughter was my wake up call. Realising the kind of mother I am, made me see that I deserved more from my mother, from my childhood. I was the eldest, and I was the one in my sister's shadow growing up as she was the 'cute' one. I don't want that for my daughter (just LOOK at that little face!) if anything I run the risk of being over nurturing (if that's even a thing!) I suppose I'll know for sure once Ellie is here.

I am going to do everything I can to get myself the help I need, I was very honest with my health visitor and told her of my concerns regarding my mental health. I am speaking to the therapist from the NHS next Friday and I will update her on everything.