Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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What should I do??

EmeliaK
EmeliaK
I'm sorry if this seems silly... So I met a female detective about six years ago through high school and she helped me for a while getting through sexual abuse. We became really close and I was introduced to her family, and they treated me like family. Eventually I was asked to even move in, but I felt like I couldn't at the time so she gave me a key to her home that she shares with her husband (kids are grown) and told me to use it whenever I needed to. Well long story short, things between her and I went bad because I wasn't interested in pursuing charges against my attacker and refused to cooperate with the investigation in anyway... I even started lying to her because I didn't feel I could 100% trust her anymore. Because of that and a little more , she no longer wanted anything to do with me and wished me well. We haven't spoken in 2 1/2 years and I recently found the house key she gave me. Should I send it back to her? I was extremely hurt by her when she turned me away and no longer wanted me around (she doesn't believe in any sort of lying, even though I never meant to hurt her.) I honestly loved her and her family. I just don't want to get hurt again but I don't know what to do with the key? Would sending it back to her be a huge issue?
scandalousbeauty
scandalousbeauty
It has been 2 1\2 years. I would just throw it away. She should have been there for you and respected your wishes. You were trying to heal and didn't want to reopen your wounds. Though I wish there had been some justice for you darling but I didn't file charges against my attackers either so I understand. Sometimes honey after abuse we just lose friends.
donnawanda
donnawanda
I agree with SB - just throw the key away.

I'm sorry this relationship hurt you. It actually happens pretty often that a person sets out to help or rescue someone, but when things don't go according to their plan for that person, the would-be rescuer can become abusive. It's not your fault. Though she might have meant well, she overstepped her bounds with you.
sleepyowl84
sleepyowl84
I'm sorry you have experienced this behavior from someone you thought you could trust. It may help to know that sometimes people react this way because they really want to help and when the person they are trying to help isn't ready (for whatever reason), they can feel incredibly powerless/helpless over the situation. Sometimes these emotions are just too strong to handle, even for a detective. I'm sure somewhere in your relationship she probably began to see you as a daughter figure and allowed that filter to increase her anger and rage toward the attacker. Rather than seeing him escape without charges and her anger flaring in response, it sounds like she tried to protect herself and her emotions by shutting you out and removing herself from the situation. It also may have been that she was ordered to do so or gave into pressure from her spouse. (I am from a police family, and have seen it happen more than once.) I'm not going say if this is "right" or "wrong," but I do think there are definitely better ways to handle the conflict. Regardless, I (personally) would return the key.
Precious97
Precious97
I agree with sleepyowl, I'd return the key. And don't blame yourself for things going South with her. I lost a lot of friends after my attacker went free.
maria1794
maria1794
Personally, I would return the key only because I would want to talk to her. It would give me a reason to see her and maybe now that it had been 2+ years we would be able to try and mend our relationship.

BUT that is just me. This decision should be up to you. Do you want to return it and see her again or would you feel more comfortable throwing it away? I completely understand why you are hurting and I'm sorry she overstepped her boundaries and pushed you away. The decision to not press charges should have been respected, even if she had you best interests at heart. Sometimes healing is pressing charges and facing your attacker, other times it is focusing on yourself.
grasshopper7
grasshopper7
I'm sorry you feel like you lost a friend. I would just throw away the key. Having the key would make me feel like I was holding on to the idea that I want to stay attached to this person, who made me feel like they don't want to have anything to do with me. I am more beautiful than that. I would wish my former friend a wonderful life and keep continuing to work on mine.
KAdunn
KAdunn
What about just mailing it to her? Kind of seems awkward to encounter her again
SuzA66
SuzA66
EmeliaK,

What do you want to do? If you want to work at mending the relationship then returning the key in person gives you an opportunity to do that.

If you want to forget the whole thing then throwing the key away may be the way to go.

If you want to build a bridge back to her but feel uncertain and scared then mailing the key back with your thanks may open a door.

It's up to you....

SuzA
EmeliaK
EmeliaK
It has been way, way too long since I have been on! And am just now seeing these replies to this post! I am so very sorry! I still have the key somewhere. If I were to give it back, I would just mail it, otherwise it is going into the garbage. I will post another discussion in a bit... more on this story and such. Needing more advice. Thanks everyone!!
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