I haven't been there because I don't have children but it sounds like a natural response with your past. Of course you fear for her safety. But fear is one of the things SA leaves us with which we want to overcome. We want wisdom and caution but not fear. Talk to your fianc, friends or counselor about your fears.

Totally agree with Beth.

Fear can be a major problem problem but it can be overcome. Talking will help: with your partner and your counsellor. How would you feel telling your partner about your feelings? Fears thrive in the darkness. Bringing them out into the light can help dispel them.

Counseling for you and counseling for your family could be really helpful. Start by writing down some fears and then talking to your fiancee about it. Let him know that you don't want to live your whole life in fear and you want to work on this with a counselor. In looking for a counselor, remember that you are the consumer and you get to shop around. Find a counselor that has experience working with trauma survivors.

Big hugs!!

Well you can never be too careful. If I ever have children I will be the only person allowed to bathe and wipe them after they use the toilet. I don't trust anyone, and would trust them even less around my children. Its better to be safe than sorry.

It's his daughter too though, so I can't be the only one to do everything. Plus, it's mega stressful.
Also, I tried counselling...I couldn't tell strangers my past. My dad passed away when I was 7, and in that one year, I saw about 15 counsellers. I found one that I stuck with until I was 14. I never told her about what happened. It's like the shameful secret I think I might puke out if I have to tell someone.

I think it's normal given that you've never really worked through your issues..we all tend to generalize based on our own life experiences. You were abused and is often the case, it's eroded your ability to trust men and it's now being manifested with your fiance. You love and trust him for the most part but have held back a crucial trust. You mentioned that you've made him aware of your abuse but is he aware you are anxious about him changing or bathing your daughter? Obviously this is an issue that needs to be talked about and worked through or it potentially can cause a real riff between you. You said in another post that you had tried counseling but never dealt with the abuse issue...perhaps now is the time? If he's a good father and never done anything to make you feel like this, then clearly it's just old unresolved trsut issues where men are concerned. In other words, it's your issue to resolve and something that needs to be resolved. I'd encourage seeking out a counselor that could help you both understand your anxiety and fear and help you move through it so that he doesn't end up personalizing it and it causing problems in your relationship.

I agree with Dave. Virtually everyone I know who was abused as a child has huge trust issues. Yes, it is normal....at least normal for us. I am sure the SO would not mind if you watch.

After you have watched him for long enough, you may, at some point, decide you would much rather do something else...like sleep in...while he changes the child.

I don't know about other Dad's in the group but I am not sure any bonding I did with my daughters had anything to do with changing poopy diapers....

sounds perfectly normal to me.

id be proud to be you-the greatest gift is being a mommY!!!:)congratulations on that....
i think you dont have to tell your hubby you fear he will do the same, i think talking it out with a therapist is best_and to make you more comfortable w the situation,watch him to these things -watch him change diapers ,the shower, exc, the more you see how he handles the child i think the more 'normal' this process will become for you-and last never least-ask god daily to show you the path to take and the answers you seek.you wont be disappointed.much love.

Counseling is probably a good way to go. You definitely need to work on your area of trust. I don't have any children, but I can understand your fears. If I ever have children their safety will be my first priority. But also, I wouldn't want to take away from the experience of the father. You're right. Your finance is your child's father and it's really not fair to keep him from that bonding experience of changing poopy diapers.

--J

I cant tell my fiancee how I feel because in the begginning he was worried to do any of it because you hear all those stories about men being charged for touching girls when they didnt do anything, I told him it was ok because he is her father, no on will think less of him. I encouraged his participation.
Also...poopy diaper changing is imperative in bonding. It shows the child that daddy can meet her basic needs just as well as mummy! lol