Yes we do share here. It is the entire point of the room.

Unless you are a real horse's rear, you won't be treated like an outcast. We all share something in common.

A few friends and coworkers. Some look at me and wonder what my problem is because they also seldom or never get any... but they don't seem to care. (This is when I think I am from another planet) Other coworkers who have contributed to my perversion do then understand why I often suffer from sex on the brain. ( and they have been nudging me to proceed with the divorce.

My family and others who seem to have it altogether--- I never mention to them because I do believe it would not only be awkward, but they would leave a quick trail of dust.

Vegg,
Same here. Some family (1), friends (2) and a few co-workers whom I have confided in know as well. Thats about it for me. There is no need for me to get on social media and tell the world about my problems. Besides, no one can really help with this issue except the two people who are in the relationship.

Im glad I made at least one friend here on DS that I confide in totally. She is awesome. I had one lady who ghosted me last week. She was not on this Group, but another Group that we are both members of, and I responded to her hoping to help. When she asked what brings me to DS, I was honest and told her that I joined the Sexless Marriage Group. *Poof! Gone and never a response from her again, even though she has posted subsequent comments on here.

Thats ok. Im not bitter and that is her right to talk to who she wants to talk to. Everyone has their own cup of tea! :)

Until I joined this group I really didn’t understand the dynamics (or lack of) of my marriage. Distance had snuck in over the years. So slowly that I failed to notice until it seemed too late. Awkwardness set in and perpetuated the issue. I had never talked to anyone about it till this group. In the beginning I had alot of time to read and post (and think). It really helped me get it into perspective. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones, because I was able to learn enough to approach my wife with some real change. We have issues to address. But we’re talking honestly now. As far as outside outlets go, I haven’t explored any. The sadness wiped my libido away. And porn alone has always freaked me out. Ironically now that we’ve begun fooling around, some small doses of porn actually got things moving again. Still taking it slow. Not because I want to. Just the reconnecting process. And trust building. I wouldn’t judge anyone by whatever actions they feel necessary. However I could never cheat. It just seems so messy. Divorce first for a fresh honest start. That’s just me and my experience of being hurt.

I also am lucky to find a few here that i do consider good friends and confidantes . (For better or worse, they may have been subjected to more than their fill of me and my funks and fears and hopes and fantasies) As so many of us suffer from frequent bouts of sex on the brain, HERE is where I do find the most support --- Where we all can vent and commiserate . I have also been lucky to get a glimpse or two of hope when I hear of others who have gotten past hurdles ... or maybe learned from past mistakes (something I too am trying to do)


I have to admit.... I come here often and like nothing more than to know there are still others here. (Is sometimes hard to tell because many are afraid to post. I would love to hear more from anyone with ANYTHING to say)

I have never really shared with anyone. I've sort of approached the subject with a few girl friends but the instant awkwardness stopped me in my tracks. I'm still getting up the nerve to share even here although I would think that, if you could share anywhere, this would be the place. At least you're talking with people that have similar experiences.

JillyF- Yes, this is the place to discuss and get some advice. Here, we do not need to be ashamed or hide what is already factual in life with us. And thank you for your post.

You’re in good company here. Most of us are in pretty much the same lonely place and there are no “all you have to do is _______” solutions.

What is interesting to me are the parallels between our collective predicaments and that of spouses of alcoholics.

It is uncanny.

Not something you can talk about...a dark secret...lonely & abandoned...not the person I married....love/hate....stay or leave...etc.....

P

Confide inno one

I have confided in 1 or 2 close friends....the topic is avoided like the plague and this has really hurt my feelings. Especially since my friends are my only support in daily life

Thank you Motherofdragons74!
I confided in my very close sister in law a few years after we were sexless. When I told her, her jaw about dropped to the floor and made a comment that her husband would never put up with that.. Of course, she is much younger than me, does not have any kids, etc. so she really does not fully understand. We never talked about it again. In all, I can count a total of 5 close family or friends that I has told and there will be no more. Besides, there really is nothing they can do anyway except offer you support. The only two people who can "fix" this type of a problem is the two who are in it.

Most people encourage counseling and all that. If you need to, go ahead. The thing is, either the couple agrees to have sex or not have sex. I don't feel like I need to go to a counselor to get "her" to be affectionate to me and have sex. She's not dumb by far. For those who are holding back, there must be a reason. Are you not attracted to him/her any longer? Is it the weight? Something I/we/you do, perhaps like, not help around the house or drink too many beers that turns one off? Its like a big mystery.

I read many posts here. Some of the ones that really make me fall out of my chair are the stories of couples who just get married, have sex and never have sex again. WTF is up with that. Im trying to think, imagine, why would you "not" have sex again?? Maybe his wife did not know how to make love? If thats the case, he should convey to her what he likes, and ask what she like. Don't just "cut her off." Lord.

Ok, where was I going with all of this... lol. Sorry-- its the writer in me that springs out sometimes. :)

Apparently a sexless marriage brings another problem: no one to listen to us. Beyond the emptiness in marriage, we must face the friendship loneliness. Someone to listen to our feelings and problems can make all the difference. That's why I'm here. I feel important to know other histories like mine and verify I'm not alone at all.

@mellanie-- and that is how we can find a bit of solace. In my case though, it did open my eyes and when I began finding that from others, I no longer looked to stbx (not that it would have mattered)

Before I joined this group I tried to talk about with a friend but she pretends or I never told anything or it's a fantasy and I must be confused. I felt me more alone than ever. On the other hand, every time I thought of telling someone, I was afraid and completely uncomfortable. Since I've joined here I feel like I've taken an immeasurable weight off my back. I think the world is not ready to face this kind of situation or it's a kind of taboo?

So sad you have reason to be here, but so glad you found us, Mellanie.

Based on the active members of the group I always sort of figured that the taboo of the subject was partly due to American & UK culture being squeamish when it came to any discussions of actual people having/not having actual sex. As I think about it though, that is dumb. It is more universal than that. Denmark is, apparently, a powerful nation!

Most well-kept secrets (even physical abuse and addiction) are common and relatable enough that attempting to confide isn’t met with embarrassment, disbelief and the panicked horror while they run away (figuratively or literally). We don’t seem to generate the same response that the, at least, whisper that they understand and sympathize if not leading to a covert network of support. We are like the nuclear launch codes of relational dysfunction…more secret than top-secret and infinite avenues of plausible deniability.

I know when I stumbled on this web platform and this group earlier this year I had one of those, “Oh my god! There are others out there who relate to this and are sharing their same struggles….It is not just me!” eureka moments. And yes, while the problem is still suffocating many of us it just seems less burdensome to know that there are wonderful, articulate, attractive people (perhaps with tiny imperfections of their own) coming together here to support one another.

The shared adversity here is so powerful and so isolating, it causes this “brotherhood of the battlefield” to be especially helpful and encouraging.

as I always end – may the force be with you