I’ve been in the group for a while but haven’t been on much lately. I’ve just been dealing with it but I alsways get to a point where I can’t handle, I’m there again.

My close friends know but no one can relate. It’s so hard to feel unwanted by the person you want.

I’ve stopped trying to talk to people about it, the only person that can change things is my husband and he’s made it clear he is not interested in changing anything. He’s not happy in our marriage but won’t do anything to help fix things.

I can leave or stay, so far I’ve chosen to stay but I am constantly asking myself how long I can stay like this.

This year is our 19th Anniversary, sexless for the last 8. It sucks. This site is the only place I’ve found people who Fully understand what it’s lkle.

@JFL --- I also shared with a few close friends. None can really relate, There are also those that are around my age who look at me and ask-- so what's the problem? (They have spouses with no desire either, but they don't mind. So the look I get from them almost reinforces stbxs thoughts that I must be a perve for wanting to be touched and feel that connection again.)

I have talked to my wife and my psych about it and that’s it. She says she’s working on it (wife) due to vaginal prolapse. I feel terrible for even saying anything but she still manages to masturbate weekly so why can’t she do it with me? Either way, I don’t want to give up on the person I love but at times the feelings of loneliness and missing being touched are overwhelming.

@Veggiequeen yes, in many ways I am fortunate to have him BUT this one piece is missing. Unfortunately for me (and everyone in this group), it’s a big piece.

Having a partner who doesn’t understand that, is hard.

@justsoalone, so sorry you are experiencing the hurt and frustration. Based on what you have described, my guess is that your wife has a lot of insecurities right now which are affecting her mentally and emotionally.

As a female who has had two kids, I can relate. Is surgery an option? If she can become healed physically, the rest should fall into place (though it may take some time).

I honestly don’t think the issue is you. As for why she can find pleasure in other ways, those other ways don’t mess with her self consciousness.

Sorry you have to be here, but it’s good you found this site. From what I’ve been reading, everyone wants to listen (read) and help each other. I am new to this site so I haven’t told my situation on DS, but as far as talking with someone else about it, no. I just keep it to myself. No one I know has ever discussed it so I’m thinking a vast majority of people don’t talk about it with friends. As someone else mentioned, others may not want to hear about it. Good luck.

I have 1 friend I’ve confided in and talked at length about this to. However, if he had not shared with me a long time ago a similar situation with his then wife, I doubt I would have said anything. I would have been too embarrassed and ashamed.

Something P wrote was dead-on and gave me a lot of thought, especially being a child of an alcoholic:

“What is interesting to me are the parallels between our collective predicaments and that of spouses of alcoholics.

It is uncanny.

Not something you can talk about...a dark secret...lonely & abandoned...not the person I married....love/hate....stay or leave...etc..... “

As far as confiding outside, not anymore. So called friends don’t want to hear it. They don’t tell me that, but you can read their faces. I have confided with someone here in DS and this person has confided in me. I feel this person has supported me and I hope our conversations on DS have been beneficial to my friend.