I learned last year, almost a year ago, that I was a sex addict. I realized it as I came out a several days sex fog, that was an addict and I did not want live that type of life style any more. I started going to meetings, reading about it, reading and listening to the bible, working the steps, going to meetings. With over 11 months of sobriety, I have changed, grown and live a healthier lifestyle now. I will always be a sex addict, just as an alcoholic will always be alcoholic.
Its what we do with that pain, fear, and emotions that changes our life and makes us a better human.

I think it’s very important to understand why when it comes to the breaking/low point of any addiction or any unhealthy problem.

As anyone who’s ever been addicted to porn knows that it’s like a drug. You need more just to get the same high. You need intense, you need sexy, hot, something new. I had been addicted for about a decade (and still am because I’m currently rebooting and trying to recover) and I never knew how bad it could get until I went off to college. I had the freedom to do anything I wanted and to have sex with anyone I wanted. I had escalated my porn use. Although I am 100% straight (and there’s nothing wrong with being Bi or gay) I escalated my porn. Instead of watching heterosexual porn, I graduated to BDSM, Cartoon/Hentai, Transsexual, Gay. There was times where I would watch porn and would watch it only like a movie and not to masterbate. Then I tried to use Tinder, Bumble and other dating and hookup sites to indulge in my desires. I texted people who I’d never text. I sexted people who I’d never even talk to. My desires morphed into to something so unhealthy that I lost who I was. It all culminated when I decided the last time I indulged in random hookup. I, thinking that from my morphed tastes, was gay or at least bisexual decided to try to hook up with a trans woman after a bad breakup. We didn’t have sex but we did do things. After I left I felt so ashamed of myself. I felt like I lost my soul. I felt like I lost myself. I got off bumble and tinder for a while. Then I met a nice girl who was cute and was very attractive. We were hitting it off really well. Unfortunately it ended, but shortly after it ended, I got an anonymous notification that someone I had sexual relations with tested positive for an STD. I was scared and mad. This was around the time my school has an event encouraging safe sex practices and offered free STD tests. I went and got one. I was clean. I perfect Bill of health. After that I realized that I had put myself in the worst position. God looked out for me that day because my life could’ve been over. Ever since then I had been trying to change. I haven’t been perfect in that change undoubtedly but I had gotten better. I had had spurts in which I didn’t masterbate of look at porn. I relapsed a few times and still struggle with it. I know I never want to go back to that. Over time I had been getting much better. I have been reading more. Working more. I even got off social media (which itself is an enabler of these addictions). But it was from then on that I knew I was never going back. Although I still am in recovery, I look back knowing that I almost completely lost myself. I had never really had a true sex life because of porn addiction. I don’t even know the extent of my personality without porn. I’ve had some glimpses of both, and see that I’ve been missing out on so much.

I know this is a long post, but this is to reach out to others. What was your never again moment when you realized you really had a problem and had to change? What are your goals and what do you hope to change about your future besides ending your addiction? I’m interested to know.

I had friends contact me to let me know they had found pornography accounts with my own images. I played it off like I was hacked but I actually had been hosting porn blogs, reddits, various chat groups that involved sharing private nudes. I was incredibly embarrassed and worried how it would effect my personal and professional life. I am still struggling to overcome my addiction but this fear has helped.

Even though you are embarrassed, you know that it’s never over. Unfortunately we all have made mistakes, and like you I struggle with the same thing. The most important thing is you realized that it was significant and felt the need to change. It’ll be a struggle though. There’s no time that goes by that I feel stressed out about something and don’t feel the need to go straight to porn and masterbate just to feel good about myself or my life. Just keep at it one day at a time.

I like the idea that we never lose our demons, but we learn to rise above them. The demons will always be there but as we learn to rise away from them we give heed to them less and less.

For the rest of my life I believe I will sometimes struggle with sexual temptation. Maybe the LORD God will one day take this from me, but if not I will continue to daily always try to move toward Him.