Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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ademoss21 12/10/2022

Hello,

This is my first time posting in this group. I'm not very good with words so I'll get right to the point. I've almost destroyed my relationship because of my addiction to porn and the lengths I've gone to hide it and avoid the consequences of my actions. I've been watching porn since I was 16ish (now 34). From the beginning of our relationship my now wife has had a boundary that she is not comfortable with me watching porn, and I agreed before we started dating. I, however, never really stopped watching porn since. I just hid it from her and lied.

Last year she found out that not only was I watching porn, but it has escalated to setting or messaging cam girls. We have hone through counseling and just when it seems like our relationship is healing she finds more times I was watching porn.

I tried to tell her all the times and types of porn I've watched but it honestly blends together since I did it so often for so long, so it's hard to give her the details that she needs to move on and heal. I've started therapy a few times and am now starting again because the issues I have are deep-seated and are causing our relationship harm. I haven't watched oirn since around may of 2021 and am not worried that I will slip up.

My focus and concern is repairing our relationship, but it's hard to really move on if I can't come completely clean of all the stuff I've done, and I honestly can't remember it all. Does anyone have any advice that might help us to heal and repair our relationship that I essentially destroyed?

blackcrow 12/17/2022

you ned to concentrate on your reecovery. that is what i had to do. go to meetings and a sponsor and work the steps to get your mind free from it. i have been free for 7 plus years. the obsession has ben lifted. it takes work and willingness to change. wife has trusted the road i am on to get better and it has helped us.

TheStranger 01/06/2023

It takes time and effort to change it really depends on you and the method you used when dating someone with a sex addiction quitting cold turkey is really counter productive and invites more trouble the big question of being able to successfully quit is if she was not able to keep up with your urges. Then she made it worse. Make sure in therapy you find out what your porn addiction and if you need to take solo sessions go for it. Don't make the sessions about keeping the relationship make it about healing.

DragonDefenderSparx 03/10/2023

Reading your story and these comments are giving me good ideas to help me. Like you I always watched porn. When my wife and I met she didn't care if I watched porn, she just wanted sex. We were in spereate areas very soon into our relationship and I watched porn constantly. I eventually went to onlyfans and began messaging people. I also went back to my hometown and I cheated on her 2 different times. I knew it was bad and felt so guilty afterwards but convinced myself that my wife was in a different country right now and that she had probably done the same, which she had not. She became pregnant with our first baby and found out everything. The porn I was hiding, the only fans and messaging, the cheating. We struggled to make it through this. I gave up everything. She told me if I needed porn to just tell her so she knew. Or to talk to her because she has an incredibly high sex drive. I did good for 5 months or so. We had our son and went through the first 6 weeks after birth not having sex. But as soon as we started having sex again, which it was amazing and I want it. We both have high sex drives. I began hiding that I was watching porn from her again. I know we have a lot of sex but I know that when I get the urge to watch porn if I asked her to have sex we would have had sex right there but I would still hide it. She eventually caught me and we are currently trying to figure it out. She wonders why she isn't enough and why I choose porn instead of her. She asked if she's not pretty enough and tells me how much she loves me. I feel bad and wish I could just stop this, but I tell myself it's an issue and I'd rather have sex but I can't get myself to stop. My self control is non existent. The last week we have been just having sex and it's the best sex we have had in so long and I want it to say like this but even now I sometimes get the urges to look.

DJ123 04/22/2023

I think you are doing well if you haven't re-lapsed since '21. Better than me! I think just focus on keeping clean and be straight with her. My wife hates me looking at porn and it is really hard to tell her - so just be straight with her. And keep clean. But take care - addictions don't just go away. I have blocks on all my devices. I find that helps.

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