hi i'm tired i really am. i tell myself im going to quit but i always manage to continue watching over and over again. i finally decided i am no longer a person who indulges in porn or lust over other people. i started watching it when i was 11. it's been years. honestly watching it drains my energy so much. i watch because i get very anxious and stressed during the day with so much going on. it helped at one point to decompress but now i jus feel like a disgusting little pig whenever i have an urge and watch it. i think my triggers are simple really. i see someone remotely attractive or someone do something sexual and i want to imagine things. i also don't think i'm worthy of being wanted. my mental health is really bad. this is my first step to heal my mind. when i get a trigger i will open my bible and read and if i still feel an urge i will close my eyes and talk to my father. i will no longer use my phone after 12am bc it's around that time urges hit. i'll keep my curtain open at night if i feel like "someone" is watching me i wont watch porn. i had someone sleep with me for a few months that worked but they finally got there own space. now i will sleep with all my plushie babies so i will not disappoint them. relationships also trigger sexual thoughts and until i heal myself i won't be getting into any. i'm doing this for me  and my babies they're counting on me. we start today! 7-18-23