Not even sure where to start. First time even thinking to discuss my problems to anyone. I've had a sex issue for a very long time. My relationships have always revolved around sex. Every since the Internet has allowed easy access to porn, I've been addicted to it. Quite frankly prior to the Internet it was video tapes and magazines.
To my current state.....my wife is given up on us and plans to leave based on lack of trust and quite frankly my oblivious attention or lack of to her needs in our relationship.
She doesn't know the extent of my addiction, but has ideas. When we first met, I was open about my porn "fetish" to her and she accepted it as who I was. Several years into our relationship, my porn curiosity moved to Webcam sites and having phone conversations with Web girls. She found out about it at some point and it almost ended us then (we were still dating and living together at the time).
A few years later, once again I found myself on an adult Web social game and started having a web-affair with a girl I met there. Although we never had any physical contact, there was an attachment. Once again she found out shortly before our wedding date. Again she somehow gave me another chance and we got got married. But, this is where the distrust started and our relationship has gone down progressively to where we are today.
Thinking I could control this myself, I did nothing 4 yrs ago when the she found out. In my eyes I've felt we were doing OK all this time. Sure we have our arguments and unhappy times, but in my stupidity I never thought she'd leave. So much that again I've found myself having a web-affair with a girl online. This time she doesn't know about it and it's been going on for a year now.
I don't know that my marriage is even salvageable at this point, but I've come to the hard realization that I have to control this addiction. I've not completely stopped the affair, but I'm trying. I haven't talked to her as much, and it's now been a couple days since. It's definitely been hard and now I'm really realizing how addicted I am, I know this affair is just sex and tell myself it's not worth what's is causing me and the pain it's causing my wife.
I am tore up by how much I've done to my wife and what I've put her through. She is very selfless and really is the best person I could ever ask for, but I've been so blinded because I let sex control me and make stupid decisions in my life. I don't know that I can fix my marriage, but I have to get this addiction controlled.
I hope my rambling is understandable. Quite honestly I'm not even sure what to expect from this, but any input is appreciated.
Thank you to anyone reading this.