First off let me just say that after my husband and i returned from our separate trips... That whole week for me was a nightmare and a blessing.... We finally sat down to talk. He ended up ending things. As I started to pack he came to me and said he would be wiling to give a new counselor a shot. So we decided to move forward together.

Even after our talk I was hurt at the thought of divorce, but I also felt content. And as weird as it is I felt closer to him after he communicated with me about how he felt. I know it sounds strange because it's not like he was saying what I wanted to hear or was even in the least bit of a happy communication. After we talked and decided to go forward I thanked him for being open with me. I at that point realized where we have miscommunicated this whole time.

For instance I see where it was hard for him too as I never let him get close to me... And he explained how that was his way of trying to show remorse, but without someone (a good counselor) like a third person there to point it out or have us work together I missed it.

We started our new counselor the day after our argument. He is actually experienced with these types of situations and their partners. I think we both walked out of there feeling better. That was the first time in almost three months where we joked, laughed, and talked. The counselor did say that he was going to try to help him unspderstand how I was feeling and also that he was going to give us tools to work with. He said that my husband would have to learn to open up to me as his spouse and that it would not be okay to shut me out anymore, a and that I would have to work on trusting again, but with time.

I don't believe the journey is over and I certainly don't believe it's ALL better, but I do see that I want to give it one more try unless he chooses otherwise.

Though now I face a few dilemmas;
My triggers. Example I was diapering my baby boy and he has glitter on his body from my daughters Christmas dress... And needless to say his glitter made it to his lower regions and my husband thought it would be funny to say something in reference to the glitter having got there because he (our son) was at a strip club. He noticed I didn't think it was funny and asked me if I thought it was. Even before all this I wouldn't have thought that was funny. Nothing against the people that strip, I know plenty of them.... None that actually enjoy it and none that I'd want either of my kids around.

That's just a basic trigger I guess, but any advice on how to get through them and not let them ruin your day? I find myself trying to think of something else when the thought pops into my head and I try to say a little prayer. Any advice?

The other issue I find myself struggling with at times is the fact that my husband now will use his work phone for any internet related stuff because he claims he hates using his personal phone internet now that he has a filtered web browser. I realize that that could be and is a red flag, but at the same time I'd like to believe he wouldn't be dumb enough to use his work computer or work phone for such incriminating content.

When I made my boundaries that was before he got this new job and now traveling is involved more than he said it would be and he has another phone and computer to use. The other thing is we were supposed to go on his next out of town trip with him and already he has made it clear he is going alone with a coworker, no implication that is was ever talked about prior and involving us to go.

And when I question even the slightest of things (most that don't even pertain to this) he gets defensive, but I also realize it's still pretty sensitive to us both.

Like I said even though I feel better about things and clearer that I want to go forward, it doesn't make my trust for him come back nor does it make all this go away like it never happened. But I do realize it's a process.