Anna, Cindy, reading your conversation, I was speechless. I feel really sorry for the situations you find yourself in. I myself am a porn addict who came for help. Im scared now since I'm losing control over addiction. I definitely don't want my future spouse to go through all that. I know this addiction is wrong. That it is eating me from inside. That it's not me. But. Im finding myself unable to stop. Every time I promise myself that no more, but end up repeating. I feel the guilt. I know that I'm not gaining anything from this fucked up thing. But. I don't know what to say anymore.

Thank you. This addiction is dreadful for both the addict and the spouse. Often spouses end up with PTSD because the trauma that relational betrayal causes. The worse is that this addiction is forever evolving into worse and worse acting out. Porn most often leads to other things and the addict finds they have to do more and more to get that "fix". Therapy should be the first thing for you, someone that is certified in sex addiction. Find a local 12 step meeting. The advice and support you will get from other members is truly the best. Addiction is hard but recovery can happen. My husband is over 4 years sober, the damage he caused me and my kids will be everlasting so please get the help NOW to avoid that in the future.

So I wanted to update, for anyone following or who will read this in the future. We are split up currently, we spent weeks living together and fighting. During that time, I realized that I need help just as much as he does. My ideas of intamacy and sex are so jaded that I feel nothing but disgust. I have joined an online S-ANON group.

He is still in denial and is not seeking any treatment.
sleeping in his truck in a parking lot because he will not swallow his pride and call friends or family. It's cold at night. But he still hasn't reached his rock bottomm.
h
I have
ry weak moments where I just want to tell him to come home, we could work it out. But I know nothing has changed. It's hard, but I fight through those moments like an addict would fight through a craving. I will not enable him, the quality of my life and if my children's it's at stake.

I still leave the offer in the table. If he seeks treatment, I'm willing to go to couples therapy.

See if you can find a local posarc meeting. There are very helpful. I am so proud of you for holding to your boundaries. The boundary that he gets help or your marriage is done is the hardest one but I truly believe that most addicts need that last push. Him sleeping in his truck and unwilling to get help shows how much his addiction is controlling him and not allowing him back in the house is sadly the best choice for you and your children. Sex addicts often dont think this is helpful but I wouldnt want a drug addict that was always high and destructive around my kids either. Your feelings of intimacy and sex are very normal for the spouse of a sex addict ...without even knowing it we fall into the trap of trying to please our partner, and often do things we would never feel comfortable doing. The best thing you can do right now is focus on you and your children, i really hope your husband chooses to get the help he really needs for your sake, your kids sake, your marriage but mostly for himself...this addiction is dreadful.