This may be something that is often suggested, but have you tried counseling? The saying goes habits die hard, and I think it does ring some truth. If your husband is lying it's a completely different issue. This needs to be addressed. What is suspicious behavior? So, it really comes down to honest communication and trust. Maybe a third party who is a professional can help with the problems you're facing.

I asked him to go to counseling, he got really any and said he didn't have a problem.

His strange behaviors could just be my paranoia. He come home just a little late from work everyday, like 15-20 minutes late. He is very possessive of his phone, almost like he hides it. He takes really long showers, sometimes a couple of times a day. Sometimes, if I walk into the room and he isn't expecting me he will jump up and literally run to the bathroom. He did that once while he was watching our before, the baby was screaming and he was preoccupied with whatever made him run to the bathroom.

Actually, as I type this, I realize it's not paranoia

I recommend finding an S-Anon meeting - for friends and families of sexaholics. (sanon.org) There I am learning to focus on my behavior and choices and let go of obsessing about the sexaholic. You are not alone. Blessings!

Thanks, scaredkitty, I am trying to join an online meeting now.

I’m dealing with a husband who has the same problem. I find it disrespectful and disgusting. He won’t admit it. I am in a horrible set of circumstances and have to stick this out for a year and a half. There are days it takes all I have not to fall apart. I am devastated

DO NOT allow yourself to think its paranoia ...Often spouses know long before they actually catch the addict. trust your gut feeling. I didnt trust that feeling, was often told by my husband it was insecurity, past trauma, that i was crazy. And after listening to that for close to 22 years i believed it. I seen so many signs that something wasnt right and i was convinced that it was me. Until the night of discovery. So i discovered that my husband wasnt being honest, and was online doing things he shouldnt have been doing and he did exactly what an addict does. He lied, denied, and blamed me. Then i was able to convince him to go therapy. He no longer had a computer and at the time didnt have a smart phone. He continued to lie to both me and his therapist for 18 months but had infact stopped all acting out for those 18 months. Until one evening he started an argument about nothing and when i walked away (because i was learning not to engage) he went right to his ipad , watched porn and masturbated. And continued that for 2 months. One night after i was starting to see some of the same behaviours, sneakiness, ED, etc. I sat for 3 hours and researched polygraphs. I told him i was leaving unless he did a poly. He got mad, told me i was crazy, that he wasnt going to be in a marriage with no trust. I remained calm and said that was his choice and i had made mine. The next day he went to work and spent the afternoon online trying to find ways to beat a poly. He said at that moment he knew he had hit rock bottom. That either way he was going to lose everything. I booked the poly and told him to be there or i was done. Over the 2 weeks before the poly he trickled disclosure. (NOTE to addicts DO NOT do this, come clean all at once ..with the help of a therapist) He confessed to everything and i was shattered. He made a 4 page list of all the acting out over the 23 years. He then went and did the poly and passed it because he had told me everything. TRUST your gut. You can not force your husband to stop, get help, but you sure as hell can stop being hurt by his actions.

I'm leaving him, well, he's moving out next week. I've been in these support group sites searching for one positive outcome from similar situations to no avail. Just a long list of deception and heartache. I'm not willing to put myself through that. I'm not willing to expose my children to that.

In the end you have to do what you have to do to keep you and your kids safe. I dont mean physical harm from an addict but emotional and mental well being. Since your husband refuses to see what he is doing is wrong, continues to act out and lie it is very likely that you are in a place where leaving is the best option. After my husband passed the poly i had to create concrete boundaries and still to them. Now an addict that is still acting out may say it was me trying to control my husband, a healthy person in recovery will get it. My husband had to attend inpatient treatment, go to therapy, both with a certified sex addiction therapist as well as marriage therapy, attend 12 step weekly, give up all internet for 6 months. Blocks on all internet access, be accountable for time and many more other things. He NEVER once whined about them, i worked with the therapist at the inpatient facility and came up with these boundaries. He has been sober for 4.5 years, NO SLIPS NO relapses.

Wow, that's amazing. He sounds like a good man. I wish mine would put in half of his effort. I pushed and pushed for inpatient treatment but no.

I can tell you honestly he was a horrible man, husband and father the whole time he was living in his addict life. Hitting rock bottom was having to give me full disclosure and i mean he had to be 100 honest with me about everything in order to start his recovery. The poly then confirmed that he had infact told me everything. How can a marriage start to be rebuilt if there are still secrets and lies? Sadly, your husband isnt ready, or hasnt fully admitted that he is an addict. He may see it once you are apart OR he will fully engulf himself in his addiction. Regardless you have to keep you safe and your kids safe. If your husband was to see a CSAT therapist that might help him see his addiction is harming him as much as you, your kids and your marriage. Remember his addiction has NOTHING to do with you. He is a sick man and he needs help but like any addiction he needs to want it.

I can also tell you that it took my husband a full year of sobriety before he became a better person. I think it was still withdrawl and some the addict in him coming to the surface with anger. Resentment is a huge trigger for addicts and he could easily find reasons to resent me..thankfully he stayed strong in his sobriety. He has not relapsed. He will now say he is the man that he always wanted to be but addiction to sex/porn stopped him from doing that. He still attends weekly 12 step meetings, and has 2 sponsees. There are some success stories. I should also say that i still havent let my guard down, i am cautious to fully trust, and i have really bad days when the hurts from the past overwhelm me. I have changed for the good and at times for the bad. The trauma that this has caused me has effects that will be there forever, but our marriage is stronger. I spend lots of time working on ME.

We had sex this weekend and it was awful. I felt used by my own husband. It hurt, there was no love, no kissing. It felt more like a procedure. It hurts to walk or sit down. When I told his he was hurting me, it's like he was upset about it. Kinda annoyed. He got up after a few minutes and slept in the couch. My heart is so broken. Ii thought that maybe we could bond, find some sort of love through physical touch but I got the exact opposite. There's nothing left. Just another sad story.

That is the sad thing a sex addict learns that sex is seperate from intimacy. Likely you are being used as a tool, i believe the clinical term is a masterbating tool,,,its just a means for his ejaculation. The guilt and shame he has makes it next to impossible to be connected during sex with you. Most sex/porn addicts battle with ED when they are actually trying to be intimate with their partner. Or only able when they arent connected, playing out a porn scene in their head. It is a very unhealthy place for the addict and even worse for you. I get what you are trying to do, believe me i was there after discovery. Doing whatever i thought he wanted to get him to want me not the porn, women online, strippers, strangers etc. It NEVER works and leaves you feeling used and more hurt. Part of his recovery is re-discovering how to be intimate, connected. He isnt at that place since he refuses to stop. Please dont allow yourself to be used. You deserve to be loved...

Thanks for these posts they really touched me. For me acting out is only a way to stop feeling that burning hole inside of me. It has nothing to with sex. I never saw it coming, since I wasn't aware that it could be as addicting as the most powerful drugs. It's really a pity since I'm in my late 20s and before it I was really the most innocent decent person and the sex addiction really infected all my thinking.

There is hope in recovery...you deserve to feel like a healthy person!!!