there is a stat that directly relates alot of porn/sex addicts to abuse in their childhood..i would say most were at some point.

I think the first step is admitting that you have a problem. I tell him he has an addiction to porn he yells in my face telling me that’s ludicrous. A lot of people dont think porn can be addictive. I resent him for choosing porn over me, and making sure his needs ate met, and not caring about me. He accuses me of having an affair. But i have to go home straight after work, and we go everywhere together. Im not allowed to go out with girlfriends. Only with him. So I wouldn’t even have time for an affair. He’s emotionally and mentally abusive. Always calls me nanes, puts me down. I feel like im just there to be his bank, cook and maid.

That is part of his addiction as well, there is a possibility that he could be cheating, they will accuse people of things they are doing themselves that is part of the deflection. Your husband is not only a sex addict but emotionally abusive.

Ouch, I really hurt for you. I do understand what it's like to feel the rejection of being turned down by your husband over porn. I really like a lot of the suggestions you've already received here about the support groups and counseling. If he's not yet willing to see this as a problem and get help your best bet is to go to that counseling group yourself to learn all you can so you have the right boundaries and can see this properly rather than facing it all alone and being wounded by his problem. I so pray he deals with it and finds healing so that both of you can enjoy intimacy with each other in a healthy and enjoyable way.

Thank you for all your replies. Im so sad today. I feel i just dont understand how your hand and porn feels better than human contact. Intamacy with your partner connects two people so deely, and it hurts that hevrejects me.

It doesnt really feel better then human contact but he has changed the way his brain works by viewing porn. Lots of porn addicts actually get ED from it and have to watch more different types of porn to get an erection. Alot of porn addicts have intimacy disconnect too. In order for him to continue what he is doing and not let the guilt consume him he convinces himself that you aren't faithful, he deserves to feel good etc.

It really doesn't feel better for him, it's just easier because real intimacy takes effort, can be difficult at times, and is risky because of potential rejection. As hard as it is, try to see that your husband may be afraid which is why he rejects you, so that it's not really about rejecting you but he just hasn't worked out his own issues in this regard.

I tried to talk to him about it, anf he got really mad. I told him i need intamacy. That cliseness you can only get from intamacy. He says i keep asking, and i said because you wont give it to me. You keep rejecting me. He said hes attracted to me cause he has good taste and im beautiful, and i said then why wont you touch me. He said hes stressed. Always excuses. I told him as my husband you should come to me with your needs and i to you. Bottom line i need intamacy.

You also have an obligation to help him out of such habit.

How do i help him when he thinks im a lunatic for saying he has a porn addiction. He doesnt see anything wrong with it. I cant help him when he doesnt see it as a problem.

You DO NOT have an obligation to help him get well. You have tried to talk to him and he shuts you down, makes excuses and doesnt see anything wrong with what he is doing. You have told him how you feel, and how his actions are making you feel. Your obligation is now to figure out what you need to do for you. When i first discovered what my husband had been doing for 22 years behind my back. I knew i had 2 choices. I had every right to stay and every right to leave. In order for me to stay i needed to figure out what my own boundaries were and what action i would take if they were crossed....Sex/porn addicts tend to be with partners that are passive, have low self esteem and the addict is very good at making their spouse feel crazy. He may never see anything wrong with what he is doing and are you willing to stay in a marriage like that is the bottom line.

I am 100% pisitive my husband is a narracist. Un diagnosed. Cause of course hes perfect. He is encapable of empathy. He thinks hes perfect, and has no flaws. I am passive, and i do have low self esteem now, and so many insecurities i have never had. But i still love him. When he hugs me which is very rare. I melt, and i long for more. I often question my own mental health for staying in such a toxic relationship. My family tells me to leave him, but i have hope. Hope maybe one day he’ll get better.

Well the reality is he could get better if he wanted to stop but everything you have said tells me he isnt going to. I cant tell you to leave him but i can tell you that life is far to short to spend in an unhealthy toxic marriage and the damage it is doing to you takes years to recover from. If nothing more go see a therapist for you to figure out why you are staying. There is a fine line with spouses of sex addicts that we become co-dependent...if you know what is going on, dont like it, its harming you mentally and emotionally, and you stay you are in fact enabling his addiction. We are 5 years from the full disclosure, therapy, rehab, 12 step and my husband has been sober for 5 years no relapses and no slips and i am still working on the trauma that it has caused me, have little trust with not just him but most people, still get triggered time to time.

Oh im sorry you had to go through it. Its so hard, but i envy you for having got through it and have a normal husband now.

I wouldnt go as far as saying normal but he has changed alot. He to was sexually touched by an older boy, came from a very dysfunctional family and had to do years of therapy to get through that. For me after discovery, he white knuckled sobriety (no porn) closed all emails , and profiles on sex dating sites, cut ties with the women he was chatting with online, (who he had shared naked pics with, phone calls while at work, and webcam sex) and the whole time i was shattered..I stopped eating much, barely slept, sometimes couldnt leave the house...and then one day i woke up and knew it in my gut he wasnt truthful. So i booked a polygraph and said you either do it or i leave with our kids. He was terrifed. Tried to research ways to beat a poly. 2 days before gave me full disclosure of the above listed stuff, and told me about strip clubs, and kissing women in bars, and fondling strippers and countless profiles, and online sex affairs. He then passed the poly because he had told me everything...a 3 page typed out list of the shit for 22 years. We then sat in his therapists office and when he asked me what i needed now i said rehab or i am done..he left 3 days later for 21 day inpatient. Had to give up any chance of promotion at work, and now he will tell me to tell anyone out there that is in this type of toxic relationship to get out if the addict refuses to get help..the slippery slope is steep and the damage to both addict, spouse, kids family work is steep.